Advice?
07-29-2011, 01:05 AM
#41
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My advice is simple.
You're 23...be ABSOLUTELY sure she is who you want to marry.
I turned 29 about 1 month after I got married. In fact, my wife and I will be celebrating our 1 year Anniversary on Saturday. It was 1 solid year of happiness. I know I made the right decision, and the funny thing is, I always thought I'd be with someone who had the same interests as me. My wife and I agree on things, but we have different hobbys. She likes to scrapbook and go shopping, I like to work on cars, drink beer, and shoot guns. It doesn't matter what you are interested in, as long as the other accepts it and has no problem with you doing what you do. Marraige to me is all about compromise, trust, and tolerance. My wife and I agree on pretty much everything, whether it's a certain paint color, or where we're going to dinner. we "compromise". The trust things is self explanatory. "Tolerance"...if she has a bad day and she feels the need to explain every single detail there is about how shitty her day was and which one of her woman coworkers is a C.ant U.nderstand N.ormal T.hinking....then I must feel the need to sit there and"tolerate" it.
You're 23...be ABSOLUTELY sure she is who you want to marry.
I turned 29 about 1 month after I got married. In fact, my wife and I will be celebrating our 1 year Anniversary on Saturday. It was 1 solid year of happiness. I know I made the right decision, and the funny thing is, I always thought I'd be with someone who had the same interests as me. My wife and I agree on things, but we have different hobbys. She likes to scrapbook and go shopping, I like to work on cars, drink beer, and shoot guns. It doesn't matter what you are interested in, as long as the other accepts it and has no problem with you doing what you do. Marraige to me is all about compromise, trust, and tolerance. My wife and I agree on pretty much everything, whether it's a certain paint color, or where we're going to dinner. we "compromise". The trust things is self explanatory. "Tolerance"...if she has a bad day and she feels the need to explain every single detail there is about how shitty her day was and which one of her woman coworkers is a C.ant U.nderstand N.ormal T.hinking....then I must feel the need to sit there and"tolerate" it.
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07-29-2011, 09:51 AM
#43
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since when are you an authority on weddings? is that your secret day job?
I'm not one to judge those who have weddings with pay bars but... tell me first so I can bring my own liquor. I'm not paying $7 for a heinekin.
I'm not one to judge those who have weddings with pay bars but... tell me first so I can bring my own liquor. I'm not paying $7 for a heinekin.
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07-29-2011, 11:14 AM
#45
2nd thing
Good luck with that? You want to spot a few thousand dollars that can be used for the honeymoon or down on a house. No open bar refers to hard liquor. If you have to have hard liquor, vs wine etc that will be given, to have fun at an occasion I feel bad for you.
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07-29-2011, 02:06 PM
#47
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+++!!!111111!!!!!!ELEVENTYBILLION!!!
We spent $1200 on everything iirc, from dress, to rings (she wanted a CZ because diamonds are a racket and a waste of money), to cake, to punch (cake and punch was all that was served at the ~45 minute reception at the church (seriously, shake everybody's hand and hug a few old ladies' necks, take a few pictures, cut the f-ing cake, load the gifts and leave)), to church, to flowers (a recent widow from my wife's church said she'd be honored if my wife could use the flowers from her husband's memorial service for a happy occasion), to decorations (how much are tissue paper streamers and doilies?), to the tux rental.
It was beautiful, she was beautiful, and I cherish the memory of that day.
What was not lost in a bunch of hoopla and showboating was that it was about us sincerely committing ourselves to one another.
+1 You need to learn to live together and function as a unit. Truly deeper love develops only after several more years. Yes, it can get even better.
+1 I can quote examples and name names on both accounts.
I think marriage doesn't work for selfish people. Or, frankly, if either one is selfish there will likely be misery and pain.
One of the most devastating thoughts I can conceive is living the rest of my life without her in it. I could more easily lose my right arm than her.
I wholeheartedly agree. Marriage does not solve difficulties in a relationship; that is your job. If you expect her to always be the same as she is now, you will be disappointed. At your age neither one of you are likely the same as you were last year. That is normal growth and must be understood.
If she expects you to change in some particular way, she will be disappointed. If either of you do or don't exercise regularly, or eat healthy, or communicate feelings openly, or exercise religious preferences, or gravitate to the club scene, or do heroin, these things will not likely change.
I do know a couple that partied a lot and were swingers, etc. until they had kids an the wife suddenly grew up and became responsible and he didn't. All four of them are unhappy.
I also agree with this. A good relationship, like anything worthwhile, takes a lot of work. It can be soul-grindingly hard work sometimes talking about thoughts and feelings you would rather leave undiscussed, and at emotionally inopportune times for you. But the more you practice getting it out there the easier it gets.
How bitter a life must be that would be fraught with such angst as to never leave one's heart unguarded. I am truly sympathetic to your situation, Fae, and pray that you find someone to love. I'm not kidding.
"'Tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." -Alfred Lord Tennyson
It worked for me. And no, people like you weren't invited. I left them at the frat house without an invite. And yes, I was a brother.
Respect and unselfishness are the keys to a happy marriage.
Also, picking the right girl and paying attention to the warning signs of a girl's selfish tendencies are important. She should do things to make you happy even if they mean she doesn't get to do something that she wants to do. That is the kind of girl that will be in it for you and not for her.
You should likewise feel that her wants are more important to you than your own. You will make each other happy and you will love together.
We spent $1200 on everything iirc, from dress, to rings (she wanted a CZ because diamonds are a racket and a waste of money), to cake, to punch (cake and punch was all that was served at the ~45 minute reception at the church (seriously, shake everybody's hand and hug a few old ladies' necks, take a few pictures, cut the f-ing cake, load the gifts and leave)), to church, to flowers (a recent widow from my wife's church said she'd be honored if my wife could use the flowers from her husband's memorial service for a happy occasion), to decorations (how much are tissue paper streamers and doilies?), to the tux rental.
It was beautiful, she was beautiful, and I cherish the memory of that day.
What was not lost in a bunch of hoopla and showboating was that it was about us sincerely committing ourselves to one another.
+1 You need to learn to live together and function as a unit. Truly deeper love develops only after several more years. Yes, it can get even better.
Also there is no "industry standard" for peoples maturity level and readiness for a commited relationship. I know 30-35 year olds that are simply selfish/pissy bastards that have divorced many times over and keep saying "I was young and stupid, herp derp". They're still saying it to this day, and some of them are ******* 40-50 now. On another hand a distant relative of mine got married at 21, is currently 26 with 4 kids. Happiest man I've ever seen or talked to.
If you're ready, you're ready.
If you're ready, you're ready.
I think marriage doesn't work for selfish people. Or, frankly, if either one is selfish there will likely be misery and pain.
If she expects you to change in some particular way, she will be disappointed. If either of you do or don't exercise regularly, or eat healthy, or communicate feelings openly, or exercise religious preferences, or gravitate to the club scene, or do heroin, these things will not likely change.
I do know a couple that partied a lot and were swingers, etc. until they had kids an the wife suddenly grew up and became responsible and he didn't. All four of them are unhappy.
"'Tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." -Alfred Lord Tennyson
It worked for me. And no, people like you weren't invited. I left them at the frat house without an invite. And yes, I was a brother.
Respect and unselfishness are the keys to a happy marriage.
Also, picking the right girl and paying attention to the warning signs of a girl's selfish tendencies are important. She should do things to make you happy even if they mean she doesn't get to do something that she wants to do. That is the kind of girl that will be in it for you and not for her.
You should likewise feel that her wants are more important to you than your own. You will make each other happy and you will love together.
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07-29-2011, 02:21 PM
#48
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we didn't even finish the keg at our wedding. or the wine. or the vodka that was used to make the signature drink. I'd like to think that people respect us enough that they wont make asses of themselves but in the end, they dont respect us if they think throwing out beer is ok.
also someone left a bra in the bathroom which is kinda funny.
also someone left a bra in the bathroom which is kinda funny.
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07-29-2011, 03:35 PM
#50
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+++!!!111111!!!!!!ELEVENTYBILLION!!!
We spent $1200 on everything iirc, from dress, to rings (she wanted a CZ because diamonds are a racket and a waste of money)
I think marriage doesn't work for selfish people. Or, frankly, if either one is selfish there will likely be misery and pain.
We spent $1200 on everything iirc, from dress, to rings (she wanted a CZ because diamonds are a racket and a waste of money)
I think marriage doesn't work for selfish people. Or, frankly, if either one is selfish there will likely be misery and pain.
Regarding selfishness in relationships, one's ego cannot be ignored for long before resentment and loathing blooms.
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07-29-2011, 06:21 PM
#56
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Yep, she's a good'un. I told her just last week that this might be the year that she gets to have a store-bought dress.
You don't need to worry too much about your own ego if you've got the right person stroking it for you.
You don't need to worry too much about your own ego if you've got the right person stroking it for you.
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