Latest update: Made it to apartment, spent some time there, came back for a final load I have to take to said apartment. The air where I am can be so bad, I have to actually wear a respirator for any kind of prolonged outside activity. This **** is terrible
, not even Mount Saint Helens was this bad up here. I can't tell if I believe or disbelieve what the news is saying at this point - supposedly, weather is supposed to be making things worse, but I just don't see it. I actually saw a little bit of blue sky for a few hours today instead of the standard terrible grey fog 24/7 today, although my lungs based on the criteria of "What makes Blaen feel like total ****" seem to agree with the news people.
Fae: Your well wishes are very appreciated. Between having a friend die in the situation he did, and being told that there was a high chance of my home literally burning down
, these past few days have been difficult for me. A strip club just isn't in the cards I fear, however. Nonetheless, I can't tell you how much I do appreciate the good intentions. The banter between you and y8s gave me a sorely needed laugh, humor has been sadly absent over these past few days.
Y8s: I have had a lot of time to think these past few days, and it was very, very worthwhile. It has given me a great deal of time to think, and to get over what happened. It was very worthwhile for me.
However, I do have an issue with what you imply in your post. Just because I disagree with someone does not mean I hate them (Actually, it's the inverse: Typically, I only argue and verbally disagree with people I respect. If I have no respect for you, I actively try to not interact with you the best I can.). Just because I'm very angry with someone does not mean I hate them. This is a recent event that seems to have started right around early '09 that completely baffles me about this country. For some reason just because you disagree with someone, or because someone makes you angry, it apparently means you hate them. I've seen people proudly proclaim "I HATE X!", where X is a political figure, or an actor, or a supporter of a particular cause they disagree with, or dozens of other things, just because they disagree with them on that one point. This completely escapes me. If someone's criteria for not hating means "You have to agree with me on all of the major points I think!", well, that's going to be an awful lot of people you hate - in fact, I'd wager that it would be about half of society you'd hate, of which the vast majority you've never met, interacted with, or know about. This is closely tied to my beliefs about personal attacks on someone. I do not believe you should personally attack someone, ever. Under any circumstance. You can attack what they say or what they do, but personally attacking someone is never acceptable. I bear no small amount of regret about a personal attack I made during the height of my grief, and for that personal attack I do apologize. It goes against everything that I believe to do something like that.
With that said, in the entire debacle around this film, it really helped me to come to realize something. I don't hate people - there may have been times where I have said I hate them, but I don't hate them. I hate their actions, what they do, and what they say - but I don't hate them. I may get very angry at people, and say things I don't mean, but I still don't hate them. In this entire scenario, and for that matter my entire time here, I don't bear any hatred or even any ill will to anyone on this forum. Of what happened, I only bear ill will towards one person - the person who created the video.
I have had a lot of time to think, to research, and to realize what happened while trying to overcome the grief and figure out what happened in Libya over these past few days. The more factual information I get, the more I am completely convinced only one person could have prevented the events - that is the person who released the video. Now, in releasing it, he not only did this knowing full well and had full intent of causing to happen what he knew would happen, but he also violated his parole in doing so. His actions were evil
, and I cannot begin to express how much I hate the actions he took, but I still cannot bring myself to hate him. He lied to his actors, to his staff, he created a fake script and redubbed numerous lines, he lied and made people who had no idea what he was doing major targets of extremists. His actions got a friend of mine killed, caused the death of a US ambassador, and caused many problems for the US as a whole. I do bear him a great deal of ill will and I truly hope he gets the proper consequences for his actions, whatever they may be, but I cannot bring myself to hate even him. I can't even bring myself to advocate violence or advocate for anything against him beyond saying he should be charged and tried in a court of law for what he did in a fair trial.
However, that does not change the fact I am still very angry with some people - some on the forum, and some not on the forum. I do not hate them, and I do not hold any ill will towards them, but I am still very angry with them. You had people while my friend's body was still warm willfully manipulating, twisting, warping, and even making up facts completely about the incidence to try to politicize his death in a narrative that suited their own political ends and political ends that were the complete opposite of what he worked his entire life to achieve. This politicization of his death was completely against what he stood for, what he did in life, and what he tried to achieve. It was a grave insult to his memory, here is something I dug up recently that best expresses it - Vilerat comments on Should YOU join Dreddit? A cynical view. (full version)
- and it should illustrate what I am getting at now. You have to understand that what people were trying to do in willfully twisting his death was a complete insult to the memory of the friend that I knew. Not only this, but they were engaging in it before his corpse was even cold
That final part is what really, really makes me angry. I have never before seen such disgraceful and disgusting actions taken by anyone in my life. Even during 9/11, people realized they needed to give the family and friends of the victims time to grieve before politicizing the deaths like what happened with Libya. To say what was said, when it was said was completely lacking in basic human decency for the family and friends of those that died. To say such things while his corpse was still warm, before people even had a chance to start grieving was so unbelievably over the top that it still shocks me to the core. It doesn't matter what your political beliefs are, it's a question of respect for the dead, and respect for the family and friends of the dead. A respect that I thought was deeply engrained into the American psyche and a respect that had been reinforced into me throughout the events during both the Clinton and Bush administration, and a respect that I very quickly found out apparently does not exist now - I had to go complete shut in for several days to escape the bullshit surrounding it. To say those things that were said while family and friends were still finding out about what happened, to say those things when the corpses were still warm
shows such an unbelievable amount of disrespect to those who lost someone I have trouble expressing how completely disgraceful and disrespectful that I find it. To lose family or friends and to have people say things that were said that completely disrespects their memory and contradicts everything that they worked to achieve in life...that hurt. That hurt a lot, that hurt far more than I had ever believed someone could say on an internet forum composed of faceless people. Some of the things I heard said about my friend or that they tried to use my friend for, within 48 hours of his death, I can only compare to spitting or even defacating on the grave of the person I knew. I cannot even begin to imagine what his close friends or family went through during this time.
This even further extended to behavior I saw on this forum that shocked the hell out of me. As an example, my props stalker who I have made it repeatedly quite clear that I do not wish to speak to, or otherwise interact in any shape or form tried to use said friend's death to antagonize me as soon as they found out about it. That behavior is unbelievably disgusting
. I knew he was being a little ***** about the props and trying to get under my skin, well enough. Sure, he can harass me in posts, I can deal. But that went over the ******* line
. Hell, look at the **** Russel posted in this very thread. Nothing in the world
justifies antagonizing someone who had just lost a friend, and to do this when I had just been told there was a strong chance of my home burning down as well? I cannot begin to express just how much this disgusts me. This behavior is not merely disrespectful, it is disgraceful and disgusting. It is the behavior I would expect out of children who do not know any better, not supposedly functioning adults who have Real Jobs in Real Society.
With that said, I have made quite a few surprising decisions. Originally, I was going to donate (and cap it, at that) to Obama due to what Romney said, but after seeing what is happening with the forest fires here...I'm going to be donating everything I can afford to donate, and a bit more (I can handle Ramen a few nights a week, it's worth it) to the surviving families as well as local charities for people who have lost homes to the forest fire. I've also decided to donate any of my betting profits over the next 2 months to the same charities, and if Obama wins the election, I'm donating everything
I have on him to the surviving families (Not profits, the entire bet and winnings). I've also decided to quit my political betting for at least a time, I don't know how long or if I'll even go back to it. Finally, I'll be doing a lot of volunteer work up untill the day my master's program starts. I may have lost a friend, and my home may have been in danger at one point, but that's very little compared to what some people have lost in the past couple days - whether this be locals to the forest fire, or family of the slain in Libya.
Anyways, that's just an update from this end. I'm certain I went major TLDR on people, and I'll only see one or two people read it, but it really is something I needed to get off my chest. I also don't have time right now to make PMs or emails to every relevant person except for one PM, as I need to grab a shower and GTFO for some volunteer work.