Joe Perez

iTrader: (8)

Around here, I normally only get “called out” by retirees in Porsches and Corvettes who are eager to show off their new toy. If it’s a Boxster or a C5, I’ll play. If it’s a Z06 or a Turbo Carerra, well, I know my limits. But for the most part, the younger crowd are content to try to out-deafen each other with license plate rattling subwoofers, or out-low each other with pneumatic suspensions. Yeah, that’s still in style down here. We’re a little behind the times.

So this afternoon I drove down to have dinner with the family. US-41 most of the way. It’s a pretty boring road that serves no other purpose than to allow Punta Gorda, Port Charlotte, and North Port to exist. Two lanes in each direction with an unpaved median, 45mph, and straight as Fred Phelps.

Halfway there I’m in a cluster of slow moving traffic approaching a stoplight about 200 meters out. I do some quick in-and-out maneuvering to work my way to the front of the pack. Apparently, some kid behind me in a four door Saturn notices this. As I take off, he quickly pulls alongside.

You gotta see this car to believe it. Rattle-can black paintjob, springs cut so low he’s bouncing around like a Sherman tank on what is a relatively smooth road, an exhaust tip large enough for an adult raccoon to fit through, and poorly fitting fiberglass side skirts. Who the hell makes aftermarket body accessories for Saturn sedans?

At the next light, we’re both at the front of the pack. As we pull to a stop, I notice that in the passenger seat is a girl who is clearly egging him on. I thought that only happened in movies. He revvs the engine, making fart-pipe noises. Then he vents a little nitrous.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me…”

I give the engine a couple quick blips. Those of you who have seen my car know that it doesn’t sound particularly intimidating, and it looks dead-stock. The light turns green, there’s no traffic ahead, so I demonstrate what acceleration looks like. Kind of a no-brainer situation here. I honestly felt a little bad for the kid.



On the way home this evening, I guess I pulled away from a light a bit harder than usual (though the tattletale said I’d only hit about 130 kPa up to this point) because a few moments later, up roll two kids in some hatchback to my left. They both look pretty clean-cut and the car is no beater, but they might have seen F&F a few too many times. The passenger leans out the side window and comments on my tablet PC, which is pretty obvious at night. The driver revs the engine. The passenger shouts “You got nawz in that thing?”

Nawz?

Why does every male resident of the state of Florida under the age of 30 seem to think that nitrous oxide is the sole and ultimate power adder, handed down to mankind by Newtonius, god of Torque?

“Nope, just a turbo,” I shout back.

“Just” a turbo. I make it sound like the vehicle is somehow deficient. Like after spending $5k and 2 years massaging this engine, I couldn’t swing the extra $200 for a bottle to consume what little trunk space there is and give me an extra 25% or so for a few seconds between refills.

No, I don’t have nawz. I only have two atmospheres of manifold pressure under my right foot, with proper engine management to match.

At least these kids knew what was coming.

budget racer

iTrader: (1)

nice read joe. thanks. BTW.....no NOS talk up in these parts. i see more kids riding around in new Benzs and Bimmers than any type of modified ride.

miatamania

iTrader: (9)

Joe, I actually look forward to reading your rants...they make me happy.

If there is a honda up here, its slammed on cut springs and has a hideous exhaust.

MattEGTR

For a second I thought this was going to be a thread about whippets, and then I remembered which forum I was on.

kotomile

iTrader: (24)

One word, Joe: Hollywood.

Nice read, as usual.

18psi

iTrader: (76)

lol great read.....

see when some kids ask me something similar I usually try to have some fun with it. If asked: " what have you got done to that thing?" I usually reply with something like:
"Oh man way too much. its got a v12 with quadruple turbo's and dual stage nawsss injection but right now I got it tuned down to 4 cylinders for the street."
they usually pull away saying something like "damn man, didnt know mad props for that, the car looks stock"

hustler

iTrader: (6)

Would you rather these idiots have 200whp (130lb/ft)? If you think I'm obnoxious at 28, imagine how dangerous I was at 19 when I had 488whp/482wtq and 0-174mph in less than 1-mile.

I only have about 300 miles on my turbo car, but I had a lot of fun jacking with the ricers with just a little more throttle so I walk just inches at a time...then finally a squeeze of the loud pedal, never letting them catch up again. Its especially fun in 5th gear, because it sure sounds like you're not trying when you stay in overdrive, lol.





A couple years ago I was riding with my dad in his 69 rs/ss (605", 3-stage squeeze, jericho dog box, strange mid, MW rear end, and everything else to make it legal to 7.00 which it needs) and we ran into a gang of hondas. It was pretty lol. The car makes 600+ just on the motor, he has another 600hp of juice over the 3-stages.

patsmx5

iTrader: (16)

Meh, nitrous can be fun when done right. Me and a friend had a kit. We would put it on random cars and have fun. Same kit was put on a 89' Prelude, a 92 Paseo (yeah, I said Paseo...), 96' Caravan (got arrested in said Caravan....), 92' Camaro, and probably another car or two in between. It's good fun for the buy in cost, and super easy to install compared to a custom turbo setup I must say. A big shot on a saturn would be fun to play with. Though turboing it would be better I must add. But fun/$$ ratio nitrous can be the winner.

wayne_curr

iTrader: (8)

Always wanted to fix nos to a couple rental cars and go out to eastern washington and have a blast on the straight desert roads =P

Good read though. I cant drive my girlfriend's stock 4dr integra without getting revved at by every asshat in a civic.

Worst that happened in my miata was when a buddy and I were going to the store to pick up some beer. School had just been let out it seemed. A 9 year old kid leans into my car (top down) at a stop sign and says "Nice car ***!"

nicacus

iTrader: (7)

I would have broken his nose, and said "Nice shoes". I would then proceed to steal said shoes.

naarleven

iTrader: (2)

Good read.

F&F ruined it for all sadly.


"You almost had me? You never had me - you never had your car... Granny shiftin' not double clutchin' like you should. You're lucky that hundred shot of NOS didn't blow the welds on the intake! You almost had me? "

boardboy330

iTrader: (5)

I love stupid people. I get the same thing in my ML...you can hear the supercharger...so everyone trys to race...but even the M3's get shut down.

fmowry

iTrader: (8)

Back when I was into DSMs and all of the modded DSMs would head to Norwalk Ohio for Buschur's Diamond Star Shootout, my friend would fly in from OK, rent a Maxima, and strap the bottle on it and rag it out at the dragstrip. Then return it to the rental company a bit worse for wear.

Good times back then. Nitrous has it's moments.

Frank

Newbsauce

iTrader: (2)

Just you bitches wait until Fast and Furious 4 releases this coming year You'll have every newb in their honda civic or equivalent, adding nitrous and neon lights to their car...again.

Oh, and as a general rule of thumb: I don't race it unless it cost like 20k more then my car.

Doppelgänger

iTrader: (12)

i got a guy in a 335i the other night froma 50-130 run...we were even until about 120 and I started pulling....then shut it down. The best part was when I stood on the brakes at 130 and watched what appeared to look like a dozen lit sparklers in front of a fan....it was the sparks coming off of my brakes..oh yeah. Said BMW was impressed.

18psi

iTrader: (76)

you've got to be kidding me!!1

wayne_curr

iTrader: (8)

I wish, would have been assaulting a minor AND a hate crime cause he was black =P

I really wish my buddy had opened his door into the kid though. He was laughing way too hard to have thought about it though.

18psi

iTrader: (76)

to be honest I would be so stunned by some little kid saying something like that I'd probably sit there and laugh for a good 5 minutes myself.....opening the door on him is a good idea though: no hate or assault since you were just trying to exit your car

bryantaylor

iTrader: (5)

i had a 75 shot on my car pre-turbo. and will prob put a 100shot on my lincoln.

fahrvergnugen

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If the car you speak of was a certain VW, I am patently unimpressed; or are you making an assertion that having an over-powered VW a good thing now?