If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough.
04-22-2011, 01:03 AM
#1
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If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough.
This hopefully will turn into a "who has the biggest *****" thread.
Today was the start of my 4 day weekend. I cut a tree down, and wanted to cut another tree down, and my wife said, "that'll hit the house". I said, "no ****". So she hung out in the house and did her cityville bullshit, and I decided, this tree is coming down right now. I realized that the tree splits into a "Y" near the middle, which is about 40' up. I figured, if I cut the "Y's" off, nothing would hit the house. I jetted over to my dad's house and borrowed his ricketey old wooden extention ladder. I get home and extended the ladder all the way...not even close to the "Y", so I was like...wtf. Then I drank and beer and stepped back and looked at it. Hmmm....if I had another 3', I could hold the chainsaw over my head and it would make it.
3' later, the ladder is in the dump bed of my 1981 Steiner Turf Master, and I'm up in the tree with my chainsaw remembering how my friend Shawn cut through his rope with his chain saw and hit every branch on the way down. He also broke every bone in his legs and his pelvis. He's lucky he wasn't paralyzed. He made it though, and I figured, I don't have a safety rope to cut through, so I grew a set of ***** and cut that fucken tree down.
After it was on the ground, I felt like a god. Then I thought about all the dumb assed **** in my life I should've been DEAD because of.
When I was like 12 I was fueling the pushmower up and the gas can didn't have that little vent cap. It was also made of metal. I figured, it needed a vent hole, so I took a roofing nail and a hammer and put a vent hole in it so it wouldn't spill gas all over the lawnmover when I filled the gas tank. DUMB. 1 spark and I would've been in the burn unit.
A few months ago I changed the trans fluid in my truck. I didn't chock off the wheels, and I couldn't get my socket on a trans pan bolt cause of the shifter linkage. I took the linkage off and shifted it 2 clicks (neutral). The truck rolled off the ramps, and I freaked and got the hell outta there about 1/4 second before it rolled over my head.
There. There's 3 out of the 10,000 things I remember doing where I should've been rewarded a headstone.
What dumbassed things have you guys done that you should be dead because of?
To conclude:
Today was the start of my 4 day weekend. I cut a tree down, and wanted to cut another tree down, and my wife said, "that'll hit the house". I said, "no ****". So she hung out in the house and did her cityville bullshit, and I decided, this tree is coming down right now. I realized that the tree splits into a "Y" near the middle, which is about 40' up. I figured, if I cut the "Y's" off, nothing would hit the house. I jetted over to my dad's house and borrowed his ricketey old wooden extention ladder. I get home and extended the ladder all the way...not even close to the "Y", so I was like...wtf. Then I drank and beer and stepped back and looked at it. Hmmm....if I had another 3', I could hold the chainsaw over my head and it would make it.
3' later, the ladder is in the dump bed of my 1981 Steiner Turf Master, and I'm up in the tree with my chainsaw remembering how my friend Shawn cut through his rope with his chain saw and hit every branch on the way down. He also broke every bone in his legs and his pelvis. He's lucky he wasn't paralyzed. He made it though, and I figured, I don't have a safety rope to cut through, so I grew a set of ***** and cut that fucken tree down.
After it was on the ground, I felt like a god. Then I thought about all the dumb assed **** in my life I should've been DEAD because of.
When I was like 12 I was fueling the pushmower up and the gas can didn't have that little vent cap. It was also made of metal. I figured, it needed a vent hole, so I took a roofing nail and a hammer and put a vent hole in it so it wouldn't spill gas all over the lawnmover when I filled the gas tank. DUMB. 1 spark and I would've been in the burn unit.
A few months ago I changed the trans fluid in my truck. I didn't chock off the wheels, and I couldn't get my socket on a trans pan bolt cause of the shifter linkage. I took the linkage off and shifted it 2 clicks (neutral). The truck rolled off the ramps, and I freaked and got the hell outta there about 1/4 second before it rolled over my head.
There. There's 3 out of the 10,000 things I remember doing where I should've been rewarded a headstone.
What dumbassed things have you guys done that you should be dead because of?
To conclude:
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04-22-2011, 07:09 AM
#2
Oh geeze...I'm going to have to think about this. Give me a few.
One that sticks out to me has to do with egotistical driving. I was headed to work on a 2-lane road with a fair number of passing zones, blind hills and curves. I was doing 55-60 (the speed limit) when I came up on another car and decided to pass. Well the ******* sped up as I started making the pass which turned it into a drag race. Being determined to pass, I stay in the gas...long after the lines went double yellow....over the crest of a blind hill and around a curve. I made the pass. But when I got to work I really had a moment of "wow, I would absolutely been very fucked up or dead if a car had been coming". Even if I didn't hit someone head-on, if I swerved off th eroad I would have whacked a tree at 80-90mph. I was unbelieveably stupid. Now I am super careful when making a pass on a 2-lane road.
In all the times I used to ride bicycles, I did many stupid things. We used to get to the top of the big hill in my neighbor hood, go as fas as we could and jump on a home made ramp at the bottom to see who would make the biggest jump. The thing was, the ramp was usually a couple of pieces of wood layed up against a cinderblock....not very secure. The other thing was to 'mark' our landings, we put sand down in the road to see where the back wheel hit. Yeah, landing on sand over pavement...great idea.
In my old neighborhood, as a small kid, we had a creek in my friends back yard. The creek had been there a long time and eroded a huge cliff into a big hill....like a 20-25ft cliff. Well above the cliff was a long, steep hill and the neighbors had put a rope swing on it. We would run down the hill and grab the rope and swing out over the creek...a good 30-35ft off the ground. Luckily no one ever missed grabbing the rope or slipped when at full swing. The creek was small though...most of the air time was over a sandbar and the creek was only 2-3 feet deep in that area.
Last one. Had never really rode a motorcycle and a "buddy" of mine started letting me ride his...a GSX-R 750. I took it out on and off for about a month. Well, one thing led to another one day and the bike overheadted. When he went to put water back in the rad., he bent the cap. I was on a curvy road and leaking water got on the rear wheel and caused me to low-side at about 65-70mph. I was OK and the bike was mostly OK with some bent parts, but was all in one piece. That night I got on the interstate and decided to see how fast the thing would go (171mph indicated). When I was done, I got off the bike and never got on one again. Yeah, 171 on a bike that had just been layed down.
One that sticks out to me has to do with egotistical driving. I was headed to work on a 2-lane road with a fair number of passing zones, blind hills and curves. I was doing 55-60 (the speed limit) when I came up on another car and decided to pass. Well the ******* sped up as I started making the pass which turned it into a drag race. Being determined to pass, I stay in the gas...long after the lines went double yellow....over the crest of a blind hill and around a curve. I made the pass. But when I got to work I really had a moment of "wow, I would absolutely been very fucked up or dead if a car had been coming". Even if I didn't hit someone head-on, if I swerved off th eroad I would have whacked a tree at 80-90mph. I was unbelieveably stupid. Now I am super careful when making a pass on a 2-lane road.
In all the times I used to ride bicycles, I did many stupid things. We used to get to the top of the big hill in my neighbor hood, go as fas as we could and jump on a home made ramp at the bottom to see who would make the biggest jump. The thing was, the ramp was usually a couple of pieces of wood layed up against a cinderblock....not very secure. The other thing was to 'mark' our landings, we put sand down in the road to see where the back wheel hit. Yeah, landing on sand over pavement...great idea.
In my old neighborhood, as a small kid, we had a creek in my friends back yard. The creek had been there a long time and eroded a huge cliff into a big hill....like a 20-25ft cliff. Well above the cliff was a long, steep hill and the neighbors had put a rope swing on it. We would run down the hill and grab the rope and swing out over the creek...a good 30-35ft off the ground. Luckily no one ever missed grabbing the rope or slipped when at full swing. The creek was small though...most of the air time was over a sandbar and the creek was only 2-3 feet deep in that area.
Last one. Had never really rode a motorcycle and a "buddy" of mine started letting me ride his...a GSX-R 750. I took it out on and off for about a month. Well, one thing led to another one day and the bike overheadted. When he went to put water back in the rad., he bent the cap. I was on a curvy road and leaking water got on the rear wheel and caused me to low-side at about 65-70mph. I was OK and the bike was mostly OK with some bent parts, but was all in one piece. That night I got on the interstate and decided to see how fast the thing would go (171mph indicated). When I was done, I got off the bike and never got on one again. Yeah, 171 on a bike that had just been layed down.
Last edited by Doppelgänger; 04-22-2011 at 07:30 AM.
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04-22-2011, 08:22 AM
#5
Thirdgen- My buddy took down a huge ******* tree a couple months ago, it had to be over 150' tall. I was supposed to give him a hand with it but he ended up doing it himself and climbed up the tree with spikes and the chainsaw strapped to his back. He worked his was around the limbs and eventually climbed back down for the final cut. He has a death wish though, so I'm really not surprised he did it solo. I find there's a difference between having ***** and being completely stupid.
I've been reckless my whole life until just recently. I guess my most recent moments would have to be the longboarding. I still cant believe I never got hit by a car or took a fall bad enough to end up seriously fucked. I miss it now that I haven't been on my board in over 6 months, but I have too many things going on now to go out and risk it all. Especially with no insurance.
Last summer doing seaweed removal was pretty crazy too. Swimming down 15' or more with your eyes closed hacking away at the seaweed with a 3' machete. Meanwhile I'm not sure how close the other guy is to me with his machete and boats are roaring by above us. All free diving too. No tanks, masks, etc etc. After getting fucked out of $500 though I wont be doing it again.
When I was in HS a good friend of mine got me into repelling and I was big into that for awhile. We used to go up into the local neighborhood woods and tie each other off and jump head first off the cliffs. I remember standing on the cliff with my back facing the edge and just jumping backwards like it was nothing. Get half way down and flip upside down and go the rest of the way head first. Last time I did it though I was by myself and tied off, forgetting to secure the knot. As I jumped I watched the rope untangle and come loose from the branch and before I knew it I was on the ground. Luckily I was only in tree and not at the cliffs. Over a 20' fall and snapped my right arm in half when I hit. Haven't gone since. lol
I've been reckless my whole life until just recently. I guess my most recent moments would have to be the longboarding. I still cant believe I never got hit by a car or took a fall bad enough to end up seriously fucked. I miss it now that I haven't been on my board in over 6 months, but I have too many things going on now to go out and risk it all. Especially with no insurance.
Last summer doing seaweed removal was pretty crazy too. Swimming down 15' or more with your eyes closed hacking away at the seaweed with a 3' machete. Meanwhile I'm not sure how close the other guy is to me with his machete and boats are roaring by above us. All free diving too. No tanks, masks, etc etc. After getting fucked out of $500 though I wont be doing it again.
When I was in HS a good friend of mine got me into repelling and I was big into that for awhile. We used to go up into the local neighborhood woods and tie each other off and jump head first off the cliffs. I remember standing on the cliff with my back facing the edge and just jumping backwards like it was nothing. Get half way down and flip upside down and go the rest of the way head first. Last time I did it though I was by myself and tied off, forgetting to secure the knot. As I jumped I watched the rope untangle and come loose from the branch and before I knew it I was on the ground. Luckily I was only in tree and not at the cliffs. Over a 20' fall and snapped my right arm in half when I hit. Haven't gone since. lol
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04-22-2011, 08:42 AM
#6
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Uhmmmmm well I have a few.
1. Last november I was driving back from the local "street warrior" meet spot with about 6 other guys who were following me. I was messing around doing 80+ on some backroads in the forest and was handling them fine in my Cobalt SS. When we were getting close to the end, I decided to push it a little harder and went around a rather tight turn at 95 mph. When I hit the apex, I looked ahead and saw a deer in the road...and hesitated. I lost control of the car, spun 270* and hit a telephone pole, breaking it in half (wooden one) and completely totaling my car. I wasn't wearing a seatbelt but I walked out of the car with 2 bruised ribs, a broken pointer finger and thumb and a large contusion on my back.
2. I still don't wear a seatbelt lol
3. When I was 12, I got my first longboard. Being the little badass skater I was, I decided to hit this huge hill (part of a bridge that went over the turnpike) by my house. Well.......it was a bad idea. I was on the sidewalk and about half way down, I was passing cars driving on the road. When I was almost to the bottom, I got the speed wobbles really bad and fell. I hit the guard rail with my arm and it cut me pretty bad (still have a 5" scar on my wrist from it) and I fucked my knees up too. I ended up walking home using my skateboard as a crutch and laid in bed for 3 days.
1. Last november I was driving back from the local "street warrior" meet spot with about 6 other guys who were following me. I was messing around doing 80+ on some backroads in the forest and was handling them fine in my Cobalt SS. When we were getting close to the end, I decided to push it a little harder and went around a rather tight turn at 95 mph. When I hit the apex, I looked ahead and saw a deer in the road...and hesitated. I lost control of the car, spun 270* and hit a telephone pole, breaking it in half (wooden one) and completely totaling my car. I wasn't wearing a seatbelt but I walked out of the car with 2 bruised ribs, a broken pointer finger and thumb and a large contusion on my back.
2. I still don't wear a seatbelt lol
3. When I was 12, I got my first longboard. Being the little badass skater I was, I decided to hit this huge hill (part of a bridge that went over the turnpike) by my house. Well.......it was a bad idea. I was on the sidewalk and about half way down, I was passing cars driving on the road. When I was almost to the bottom, I got the speed wobbles really bad and fell. I hit the guard rail with my arm and it cut me pretty bad (still have a 5" scar on my wrist from it) and I fucked my knees up too. I ended up walking home using my skateboard as a crutch and laid in bed for 3 days.
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04-22-2011, 10:09 AM
#7
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Dopple, you reminded me of the reason I don't own a crotch rocket anymore.
I always wanted a Ducati 916. In 2001 I bought a '99 Ducati monster 750 and I rode it for about a year and a half until I found "the one". There is a GM dealer near my house and somebody traded a 1997 Ducati 916 towards a Jeep Wrangler. Who the hell would do such a thing? Needless to say, I bought the bike on the spot with cash. I sold the monster about 3 weeks later and used the money to bitch out the 916. If I remember right, it had 127 whp and weighed about 420lbs? I used to ride with a pile of guys who rode with no fear. We'd do 1/4mile long wheelies at over 100mph, endos, all the stupid death wish bike stuff.
One time in particular sticks out in my mind. I was up on this road north of me where a lot of local riders would go. There was this long straight stretch and people used to drag. I dragged a few Jap 750's, easily beating them. This guy goes, "why don't you pick on someone your own size". He had a ZX-11. We lined up and the starter girl said "GO". We launched and were side by side the whole time. We hit 1/4 mile in no time, but we kept going until I noticed that my speedometer was reading just over 165 mph. I let off and about 2 seconds after the ZX-11 passed me, he let off. We came back around, and he came up to me and said "that was fucken awesome, I know you let off, but what did your speedometer say?" I told him just over 165, and he said his read 174. If a chipmunk decideded to cross the road and I would've hit it, I might not be here right now.
I always wanted a Ducati 916. In 2001 I bought a '99 Ducati monster 750 and I rode it for about a year and a half until I found "the one". There is a GM dealer near my house and somebody traded a 1997 Ducati 916 towards a Jeep Wrangler. Who the hell would do such a thing? Needless to say, I bought the bike on the spot with cash. I sold the monster about 3 weeks later and used the money to bitch out the 916. If I remember right, it had 127 whp and weighed about 420lbs? I used to ride with a pile of guys who rode with no fear. We'd do 1/4mile long wheelies at over 100mph, endos, all the stupid death wish bike stuff.
One time in particular sticks out in my mind. I was up on this road north of me where a lot of local riders would go. There was this long straight stretch and people used to drag. I dragged a few Jap 750's, easily beating them. This guy goes, "why don't you pick on someone your own size". He had a ZX-11. We lined up and the starter girl said "GO". We launched and were side by side the whole time. We hit 1/4 mile in no time, but we kept going until I noticed that my speedometer was reading just over 165 mph. I let off and about 2 seconds after the ZX-11 passed me, he let off. We came back around, and he came up to me and said "that was fucken awesome, I know you let off, but what did your speedometer say?" I told him just over 165, and he said his read 174. If a chipmunk decideded to cross the road and I would've hit it, I might not be here right now.
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04-22-2011, 10:16 AM
#8
I almost cut my hand off while trying to cut a coconut open with a machete.
I almost got launched off a 40th floor of a building once when a crane was pulling a loading ramp off the building. I was without a harness trying to kick the ramp loose. I literally took my foot off just as the crane pulled away and swung that bitch out of the building.
I'll come back later
I almost got launched off a 40th floor of a building once when a crane was pulling a loading ramp off the building. I was without a harness trying to kick the ramp loose. I literally took my foot off just as the crane pulled away and swung that bitch out of the building.
I'll come back later
Last edited by buffon01; 04-22-2011 at 10:33 AM.
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04-22-2011, 10:34 AM
#9
I nodded off at the 23 hour mark on a cross-country solo drive (MS to VT), woke up 3 feet off the shoulder doing 65 mph heading directly for a road sign. I managed to avoid the sign but spun the car back across the interstate, 50 feet through an open lawn, and then up and over a massive boulder in front of the state rest area.
The funniest part of it was that it happened in VT, and the first guy that came running up to my car asked me, "Hey man...pretty sure the cops are on the way, so if you need to get rid of anything, I can take it for you..."
"Hey dipshit, I just flipped my car sideways over a boulder at 40 mph, stop trying to score free weed off of me."
The funniest part of it was that it happened in VT, and the first guy that came running up to my car asked me, "Hey man...pretty sure the cops are on the way, so if you need to get rid of anything, I can take it for you..."
"Hey dipshit, I just flipped my car sideways over a boulder at 40 mph, stop trying to score free weed off of me."
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@ mgeoffriau's story
04-22-2011, 11:04 AM
#12
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Time for a few quotes:
Number-1, from John Wayne: Life's tough. It's tougher when you're stupid.
Number-2, from R.A. Heinlein (Lazarus Long): You live and learn, or you don't live long.
Number-3, from R.A. Heinlein (Lazarus Long): Moderation is for monks. To enjoy the flavor of life, one must take big bites...
Number-1, from John Wayne: Life's tough. It's tougher when you're stupid.
Number-2, from R.A. Heinlein (Lazarus Long): You live and learn, or you don't live long.
Number-3, from R.A. Heinlein (Lazarus Long): Moderation is for monks. To enjoy the flavor of life, one must take big bites...
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04-22-2011, 11:28 AM
#14
Back in high school picked up a girl in Dayton for a school dance on a weekday. Had borrowed the parents' Plymouth Neon for the evening. After the dance I took her home, it was probably 11 o'clock when I started driving. It's about an hour and a half each way, and I had to make the round trip so I could get up for school the next day. She had fallen asleep a few minutes after we hit the freeway, and I literally went pedal to the metal for the vast majority of the drive. The neon whined like a distant jet engine at about 90 mph, and hit a max speed of about 110mph (and was fairly confidence inspiring at that speed) So I spent quite a bit of that evening doing 110mph. I dropped her off, and did the same thing all the way home. The scary part started happening when I was about 30 minutes from home. I had the music full blast and was trying to sing as much as I could, but I kept nodding off. I had myself convinced myself that driving faster was keeping me awake by pumping adrenaline or something ******* retarded like that. I had nodded off briefly on several occasions, and I had consciously processed the fact that "yes, I'm falling asleep at the wheel, and this isn't safe". At one point, I remember waking up because the car was drifting into the left lane, and hitting the reflectors between the left lane and the second lane (4 lanes each direction) at about 1:30 AM, probably 15 minutes from home. As I woke up, I saw that I was passing two other cars in the farther right lanes at about 95-100mph. I was still too far out of it to recognize the full extent of the danger at that point, I continued on my way and made it safely home. Fully awake the next day, I recounted the events; and only then did it register in my mind how easily I could have died; or worse, how easily I could have taken someone else's life.
I slow down and take naps at rest areas when I'm tired now. It can be a PITA in the Miata at 6'2", but 30 minutes of "eyes closed time" makes a hell of a difference.
I slow down and take naps at rest areas when I'm tired now. It can be a PITA in the Miata at 6'2", but 30 minutes of "eyes closed time" makes a hell of a difference.
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04-22-2011, 12:04 PM
#15
You know what also wakes you the **** up whem nodding of while driving? A cop flying up on your *** when you know you've been speeding....and then drives right past you. Back when I smoke in my old car, I found that smoking cigs kept me awake nicely...but I can't do that anymore.
Another thing I did as a kid was to go to the end of the neighborhood, all up hill, go up the super steep drive way and lay down on my skateboards...head first...and rocket down the hill and down the neighborhood. I'd probably still do that today. Fun as ****.
Another thing I did as a kid was to go to the end of the neighborhood, all up hill, go up the super steep drive way and lay down on my skateboards...head first...and rocket down the hill and down the neighborhood. I'd probably still do that today. Fun as ****.
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04-22-2011, 12:18 PM
#17
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Oh yeah...don't hold a piece of angle iron in your hand and then take a cut off wheel to it. Your hand is not as strong and secure as a vise. The cutoff wheel will slip and you will have a scar.
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04-22-2011, 12:30 PM
#18
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Forgetfulness, mostly. 
Another one: back when Jackass was popular and everyone and their mother was making a "stunt video," my friends convinced me to jump out of a moving pickup truck...off of a bridge...into a drainage canal. When I went to do it, I slipped when trying to jump out of the truck and almost didn't make it into the canal lol
Another one: back when Jackass was popular and everyone and their mother was making a "stunt video," my friends convinced me to jump out of a moving pickup truck...off of a bridge...into a drainage canal. When I went to do it, I slipped when trying to jump out of the truck and almost didn't make it into the canal lol
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04-22-2011, 12:36 PM
#19
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We once worked out in physics what kind of stress you are subject to during a typical accient (IE rear ending someone, hitting a tree, that sort of thing). I think we gave 3 feet of crumple room or something, which is very generous.
The number was something retardedly large. As in, double digit Gs or something. In case you don't know what that means, it means that if you were subject to 10gs, you would be subject to the force of 10 times your body weight. Now, some people think that they could just hold themselves back, rendering the seatbelt useless. Saying that is saying "Not only can I react faster than 16/100th of a second (impossible for a human to do), but I can, at the same time, withstand 1,500lbs of omni-directional force in a panic situation.
Yeah, put on your seatbelt.
The number was something retardedly large. As in, double digit Gs or something. In case you don't know what that means, it means that if you were subject to 10gs, you would be subject to the force of 10 times your body weight. Now, some people think that they could just hold themselves back, rendering the seatbelt useless. Saying that is saying "Not only can I react faster than 16/100th of a second (impossible for a human to do), but I can, at the same time, withstand 1,500lbs of omni-directional force in a panic situation.
Yeah, put on your seatbelt.
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