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How (and why) to Ramble on your goat sideways

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Old 05-03-2010, 11:57 PM
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How (and why) to Ramble on your goat sideways-im000482.jpg

Kitty just got done drilling some holes for me. He looks pooped.

Thanks kitty!!
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Old 05-04-2010, 07:38 AM
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Originally Posted by oilstain
WTF? Interview process at UPS?
Manager: Hey take this package and slam it into the wall as hard as you can, now run it over with your truck. Now turn your head as all the night shift employees do heroin in the parking lot.

Congrats, you got the job!
It is almost that easy. I got in for another interview tomorrow. Yesterday we just walked though the facility. That is one busy ******* place with **** going everywhere. I am ready for it though...nice hard manual labor for my lazy ***. Since I'm too lazy to go lift weights/work out on my own, this will be good for me... 2.5-4 hours a day 5 days a week, average package weight is 40lb.
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Old 05-04-2010, 07:52 AM
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Originally Posted by lordrigamus
Attachment 16679

Kitty just got done drilling some holes for me. He looks pooped.

Thanks kitty!!
probably becuase it took him a REALLY long time to drill holes using a sanding bit.
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Old 05-04-2010, 09:46 AM
  #164  
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Originally Posted by Project84
That's half the reason I did it.

I forgot the other half, because I've been too preoccupied daydreaming about the nightmare that was that night.

The best/worst part is I was drunk and my stuff was like cockrete but all sensitivity was gone?? I pretty much threw down the gauntlet on that ***, and I know she's hurtin for more. Her neighbors below were banging on their ceiling and we could hear muffled screaming of "STOP ****** GOD DAMNIT!!!" at 3:30am. Glad I don't live there.

In the end, I didn't learn a thing really. I regret it honestly... especially now that she's blowing my phone up [still] trying to cook me dinner and give me a night of "relaxation." I want to text her and just be like, "Hey, it's cool if we hang out occasionally but I'm not looking for anything serious." I surely didn't give off that vibe at all through any of this. I'm in no way wanting to move back into another relationship.


...Last night I went and had mexican food and margarita's at this hole in the wall [incredible] little place that not many people know about. An ex from 6 years ago was nice enough to go out with me. 5'3" 120lbs. Two margaritas we were more than feeling loose and so I invite her back to my place because she hadn't seen it (I just bought the place last summer). I pop the top on a few Coors Light's and we talk about life and how funny things work out.

Next thing I know we're in bed. But there's a problem here too. The ****, again.


I think I was spoiled w/ the ex. Not this ex, my most recent ex. She is a 34D and they look fake in every single aspect, but they're genuine and I equate them to "the best **** on earth" for that matter.

I'm not sure I miss her, but I'm not sure I've accepted this yet.

I should stop being a ***** and focus on the problem rather than avoid dealing with it and deny that I'm upset.

I don't wanna.

Get as much as you can while you can, someday you will be married and involuntarily practicing abstinence.
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Old 05-04-2010, 10:02 AM
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Originally Posted by Project84
I just don't want to be emotionally sought after, and end up regretting NOT cutting the cord sooner rather than later and hurting her.
Don't assume that she wants you emotionally. She MAY just want the manhammer. You should ask and get everything out on the table. Then you can go ahead and have fun when/if you get greenlighted. For realz, from an older guy, you need to do this.

I will allow you to PM me pics of said ****/*** for independent perspective.
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Old 05-04-2010, 10:26 AM
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Dopple- a buddy of mine has spent his entire working career at UPS ultimately getting a delivery/driver position. He said as far as jobs go, it's a good one for the following reasons- great benefits (including retirement), good pay, he doesn't have to work in an office, for the most part doesn't have to deal directly with customers and he likes driving around. Yes it IS hard work but worth the return. He also mentioned that there was an avenue for him to work his way up, which not all jobs have, even if/when they claim you can.

Originally Posted by levnubhin
Get as much as you can while you can, someday you will be married and involuntarily practicing abstinence.


Project- I'm pretty sure she wants to capture your DNA and trap you into marriage with your love child. Once women get old (like over 30) that's mostly all they can think about. Their favorite line is, "Don't worry, I'm on the pill."
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Old 05-04-2010, 11:06 AM
  #167  
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Old 05-04-2010, 04:33 PM
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Hi Scott,
Corky confirmed you as a friend on Facebook.
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Old 05-04-2010, 04:42 PM
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Originally Posted by Braineack
Hi Scott,
Corky confirmed you as a friend on Facebook.
Wow, -__-
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Old 05-04-2010, 04:54 PM
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Old 05-04-2010, 09:24 PM
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While exiting Vons this evening, I happened to notice something in the rack of free "apartment guide / cars-for-sale / minimum-wage jobs available" magazines. AutoTrader Latino: ¡Tu mejor decisión espera!

Presumably, this is the place to go if you're looking for a lowrider Malibu with gold wheels, or a clapped-out 4x4 with a homebrew lift kit.

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Old 05-04-2010, 09:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Joe Perez
While exiting Vons this evening, I happened to notice something in the rack of free "apartment guide / cars-for-sale / minimum-wage jobs available" magazines. AutoTrader Latino: ¡Tu mejor decisión espera!

Presumably, this is the place to go if you're looking for a lowrider Malibu with gold wheels, or a clapped-out 4x4 with a homebrew lift kit.

Don't forget the ragged out Civic with wing, and lots of stickers.
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Old 05-04-2010, 09:35 PM
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Originally Posted by NA6C-Guy
Don't forget the ragged out Civic with wing, and lots of stickers.
Wing = 10hp per inch
Stickers = 5hp each
And Civics with vtachk already have over 9,000hp, so they're race cars.

JDM math proves it.
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Old 05-04-2010, 09:51 PM
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Originally Posted by rider384
Wing = 10hp per inch
Stickers = 5hp each
And Civics with vtachk already have over 9,000hp, so they're race cars.

JDM math proves it.
You're just a little off. JDM math actually says VTEC is 5252*1.5, so 7878hp.
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Old 05-04-2010, 09:52 PM
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My job is so ******* unbelievable.

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completuety useless. The girl is constantly teasing her hair or putting on makeup or practicing that eye-flutter thing. She is self-centered as hell; the idea that somebody other than herself might have wants or needs has never even begun to occur to her. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe unassisted.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. l’m not sure she even showers, much less shaves her ’womarly' parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat. Still and all, useful to have around.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the ******* stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. He is baked before he comes to work, during work, and l'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 60's, and to make things worse, he brings his enormous ******* dog to work. Every ******* day I have to look at that huge Great Dane walking around half-stoned from second-hand smoke. Sometimes I think the damn thing is even trying to talk, what with the constant bellowing. And both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger Kimg, every single ******* day.

Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and ****.
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Old 05-04-2010, 09:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Joe Perez
My job is so ******* unbelievable.

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completuety useless. The girl is constantly teasing her hair or putting on makeup or practicing that eye-flutter thing. She is self-centered as hell; the idea that somebody other than herself might have wants or needs has never even begun to occur to her. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe unassisted.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. l’m not sure she even showers, much less shaves her ’womarly' parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat. Still and all, useful to have around.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the ******* stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. He is baked before he comes to work, during work, and l'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 60's, and to make things worse, he brings his enormous ******* dog to work. Every ******* day I have to look at that huge Great Dane walking around half-stoned from second-hand smoke. Sometimes I think the damn thing is even trying to talk, what with the constant bellowing. And both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger Kimg, every single ******* day.

Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and ****.
So you wear a ******y orange ascot?

WHAT THE **** IS THIS! I can say ****, but not ******? **** you bunch of over sensitive bastards with a fear of vagina.
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Old 05-04-2010, 09:56 PM
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Holy **** that was great. aaahahaha!

And I came here to say that Lost is ghey as hell, now I remember why I stopped watching years ago.

Edit: Not being able to say ******s is also ghey.
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Old 05-04-2010, 09:59 PM
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Originally Posted by Joe Perez
My job is so ******* unbelievable.

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completuety useless. The girl is constantly teasing her hair or putting on makeup or practicing that eye-flutter thing. She is self-centered as hell; the idea that somebody other than herself might have wants or needs has never even begun to occur to her. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe unassisted.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. l’m not sure she even showers, much less shaves her ’womarly' parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat. Still and all, useful to have around.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the ******* stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. He is baked before he comes to work, during work, and l'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 60's, and to make things worse, he brings his enormous ******* dog to work. Every ******* day I have to look at that huge Great Dane walking around half-stoned from second-hand smoke. Sometimes I think the damn thing is even trying to talk, what with the constant bellowing. And both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger Kimg, every single ******* day.

Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and ****.
Scooby Doo, where are you?

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Old 05-04-2010, 10:01 PM
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I just had to sit through an hour of Glee, I'm not happy.
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Old 05-04-2010, 10:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Bryce
Scooby Doo, where are you?

I'd bang Velma.
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