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Old 03-21-2016, 05:40 PM   #25041
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I am the only one on my side of the family that she will speak with. I would have told her to go fk herself a while back but we promised my brother (obviously before he passed) we wouldnt treat her bad.
Don't treat her bad. Treat her like she deserves and is behaving. Put the stickers back. Tell them his blood wants it that way. Same goes for all other future dealings. That's not bad, that's just standing up for your family.

Once you're empowered, you wont be a middle man anymore.
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Old 03-21-2016, 05:40 PM   #25042
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Rant

My brother passed a few years ago. He and his wife were separated at the time. She went outside the marriage. He tried to make things work. Went to therapy etc. She put little effort in the process.

I am the only one on my side of the family that she will speak with. I would have told her to go fk herself a while back but we promised my brother (obviously before he passed) we wouldnt treat her bad. So i am the middle man for both sides. Fk'n great, right?

My parents had no rights as far as the funeral and cremation. She did as he wished and had him cremated. She kept his urn with her leaving my side of the family no where to honor/remember him. Finally she gets a vault and my parents are happy they have a place to go.

Fast forward to now. My parents put some stick on easter decorations on his vault. I guess my SIL didnt like them because her comment to me was "he isnt two." She gave me the mausoleum policy page that states you can only put things in the paid for (read stupid fkn expensive) holders. We were aware of the rules but no one follows them.

SIL took the easter items down. I reminded my parents about the rules etc. My parents drive to mausoleum and find other vaults with stuff all over them and call me asking what is going on.

So maybe the ***** (parents nickname for her) didnt like what my parents did and came up with a plan to blame it on the mausoleum mgmt? The whole fkn situation sucks.

/ fkn rant
Life sucks... Sorry for your, and your parents loss.

What I'd do, for what it's worth. I'd have a face to face with your SIL (important to not do this via email, txt or otherwise easy to hide behind way of communicating like a web forum... ) and try to appeal to her sense of fair play.

Tell her your parents, who no doubt have an infinitely deeper sense of loss than she ever will are just trying to cope blah blah blah...

Then I'd wait and see if that worked.

Best of luck.

/end advice
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Old 03-21-2016, 05:49 PM   #25043
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Wait, they got divorced?

How does she get to have so many rights? Shouldn't it have been up to parents and or children to decide what happens with his body? Sounds like she needs a reality check.
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Old 03-21-2016, 05:51 PM   #25044
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Separated. Not divorced was my understanding.
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Old 03-21-2016, 05:52 PM   #25045
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Originally Posted by y8s View Post
Don't treat her bad. Treat her like she deserves and is behaving. Put the stickers back. Tell them his blood wants it that way. Same goes for all other future dealings. That's not bad, that's just standing up for your family.

Once you're empowered, you wont be a middle man anymore.
I agree. Don't tell her to go **** herself. Be reasonable but firm. Don't make it personal with her, make it about your brother and what he would have wanted.
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Old 03-21-2016, 05:53 PM   #25046
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Separated. Not divorced was my understanding.
That's what i gathered, so i was just checking.

If so, Bummer. I still believe a reality checking is in order though.
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Old 03-21-2016, 05:58 PM   #25047
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Yes, separated. He didnt believe in divorce. He really wanted to forgive her and get back together. Thats why i have been sucking it up. I dont remember exactly how long they lived a part.

There is more to this story that i wont share publicly.
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Old 03-21-2016, 06:28 PM   #25048
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My SIL was so upset with his death, that she re married 18 months after he passed. AND decided to have the ceremony 5 days away from his birthday (and it isnt remotely close to a prime month for weddings). She lied to us about how long they dated. Started dating about a year after he passed. Its all good though......my conscience is clean. She has to live with the guilt. I handled everything as my brother would have wanted.
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Old 03-21-2016, 06:40 PM   #25049
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You have to respect that your brother chose her as the law does. She is legally his closest living relative.

Sucks for the family that he chose poorly with regard to character. Character always matters. Looks change and infatuation is temporary.
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Old 03-21-2016, 06:43 PM   #25050
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As you process through all the crap, I'd suggest trying to be as completely non-judgemental as you can Steve. If there's anything I've learned over my years, it is that you just cannot look into another couple's marriage and know with any certainly what's what, so it's always better to never judge, regardless of how "obvious" things may look.

I swear I've seen logic stand on its head and pigs fly. The party that clearly appears to be the perpetrator and the villain may, in fact, actually be more like the victim, and vise versa. You just never know.

.02
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Old 03-21-2016, 07:10 PM   #25051
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My brother firmly believed in the after life and i have to be honest that i am a little disappointed he hasnt reached out to me. My guess is he is ashamed he exited stage right and doesnt want to deal with what i would say to him.

I lost my grandmother a year ago (would have been 92). She visited me in my dreams the moring she passed. I wasnt able to get out of work to see her. She had been in and out of the hospital. I was feeling pretty guilty that i didnt have enough time to make the drive.

When she appeared in my dream, she said she loved me and that it was ok. Later on that morning, my wife called me and was crying. I already knew at that point. I dont know if it was my subconscious trying to make things right or if i really was visited. I still get chills thinking about it.
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Old 03-21-2016, 07:15 PM   #25052
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I'm sorry for your loss man.

The way i see is this whole thing is all about what you believe in. I've recently went through the same thing. I lost my dad little over a year ago and truth is I'm not religious so I dont believe in the afterlife. Thats a difficult thing to grasp because with the afterlife theres hope to see the person again but when you dont believe in it then that person just ceases to exist and thats how i see it. It's been a rough time. Not a day goes by where I dont think about my dad but as far as his physical remains go. We had him cremated. His body may be ashes in the ground however to me hes in my heart, not in the ground. I dont need to be at his grave or by the urn to miss him or to share a memory with him. Hell even if i'm wrong and there is an afterlife, then he'll be with me, not at his grave. I have an little thing i've setup with all of his awards (he was a bodybuilder) and whenever i want to do something.. flowers, candle, etc, i put it there because to me, this is who he is. Not ashes in the ground.
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Old 03-22-2016, 09:47 AM   #25053
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sixshooter View Post
Character always matters. Looks change and infatuation is temporary.
This +100

Side note, my caffeine just kicked in...



Trimmed away my beard last night and noticed an onset of doublechinanitus

Needed motivation to start working out again and that got me right in the feels, now I'm a double chinned baby face... so much nope. With current living situation, bills & debt, state of the MSM not passing inspection (reroute/knock codes)... Definitely not drinking for a while as I have come to the realization that I have a lot of work to do in the next coming months.
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Old 03-23-2016, 01:53 AM   #25054
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Originally Posted by EO2K View Post
Joe, did you break into my car and steal my CD wallet thing several years ago?
Now that I think about it...

The Smashing Pumpkins.

Does this mean that the band are physically demolishing pumpkins?

Or that the pumpkins are demolishing something else?

Or is "smashing" meant to be read in the British sense, as an adjective which is synonymous with "excellent" or "wonderful"? Eg: "These pumpkins are simply fabulous!"
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Old 03-23-2016, 09:22 AM   #25055
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The great pumpkins?

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Old 03-23-2016, 10:56 AM   #25056
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SPISPOPD, part of the cheat code "idspispopd", is an abbreviation for Smashing Pumpkins Into Small Piles Of Putrid Debris.

Its origin can be traced back to the following Usenet post by Eli S. Bingham in early December, 1993, from the comp.sys.ibm.pc.games.action newsgroup:

Listen up, ID Software!

Next time you have an impending release of a much anticipated
game, make sure its name is not so cool-sounding as DOOM and much
longer to eliminate all of the casual "Where can I get xxx" posts.
How about "Smashing Pumpkins Into Small Piles Of Putrid Debris" for
the next game?
This initial quip was carried on, and a parody of The Doom FAQ was written called the SPISPOPD FAQ. The FAQ described a 3D game that ran on a computer with minimal specifications.

id Software gave a nod to the joke by planting it as a cheat code in the game.

A second reference apparently sponsored by id Software appeared in the first Doom novel, wherein one of the two major characters says, "Smashing pumpkins into small pieces of putrid debris," after killing a Cacodemon (which they dubbed a "pumpkin").

The Smashing Pumpkins also acknowledged the joke by including Doom samples in their song "Where Boys Fear to Tread".

Two computer games were created based on the joke. Smashing Pumpkins into Small Piles of Putrid Debris is a 2D action game from Jamul Software (later Hamumu Software) in which the player collects candles and smashes pumpkins with a red hammer. It was reportedly developed in 48 hours to capitalize on the joke. Hamumu Software later created a similar game called Amazin' SPISPOPD.

Simtex's 1994 game Master of Magic included a magical item called Idspispopd.
Related:
Hamumu Software: Amazin' SPISPOPD

I guess the dude was at Cal Poly while I was. I remember playing his first iteration of the game when it came out in the early 90s.
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Old 03-23-2016, 11:01 AM   #25057
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Originally Posted by Girz0r View Post
The great pumpkins?


Coincidence?
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Old 03-23-2016, 10:19 PM   #25058
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Men's 878 Trailblazer 7" Brown Outdoor Boot | Irish Setter



I've been wearing them every day for the past five months, and aside from a few small scuffs they still look brand new. The stitching looks like it'll be quite durable, very rugged sole... These are what boots are supposed to be. Unless they spontaneously fall apart in the next few months (which I can't imagine they will), my brand-loyalty has definitely switched.
Make that a solid year at this point.

The toes have gotten a little scuffed from kicking rack bases into place and whatnot, but aside from that they're still as solid as they day I bought them. And by "scuffed," I mean scuffed. Not ripped or torn. Even the insoles are still 100% intact.

I'll never buy another Timberland boot again. Definitely a Redwing convert. These things are friggin' amazing. I'm thinking about buying another set just as insurance against the possibility that they might someday discontinue them.

Probably time to think about investing in a bottle of mink oil.
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Old 03-23-2016, 11:17 PM   #25059
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Don't do mink oil unless you want the leather to soften.
I think we talked about different products in the boot thread.
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Old 03-23-2016, 11:21 PM   #25060
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Don't do mink oil unless you want the leather to soften.
I think we talked about different products in the boot thread.
We have a boot thread? I thought it was all in this thread.

Is softening of the leather a bad thing? For moderate duty, I'd think it would beat the alternative. The boots were certainly oiled all to hell when I got them.

Unrelated: It's been 30-something years, and I still have a crush on Ally Sheedy.
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