If you really knew me.....
07-28-2010, 02:33 PM
#21
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Tampa, Florida
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Some start off with everything and throw it all away. Some start with everything and make even more out of it. Some start with nothing and never do anything. Some start with nothing and go get everything. Most start somewhere in between and finish somewhere in between. What you do and where you go depend on your inner drive and strength.
It sounds like you have been through more strife than most. That gives you a unique perspective that can be an advantage over those who have not. Your past weakness is your strength. Some others think they have problems but have no idea what a real problem is. You do. You aren't soft. You know things can be worse. You don't have false worries bringing you down. You know what is really worth worrying about. You know how to sacrifice and do without. The fire that tormented you in the past has actually tempered you like steel to make you stronger than the guy who never had it tough. Now you can apply that to getting ahead.
When I was younger I worked at a shitty restaurant management job. It sucked but the experience gained and lessons learned were worth the sacrifice. It allowed me to open the next door to move forward. You will need to punch your ticket at several different places along the way to move forward. People don't achieve everything all at once.
When I was your age I endured a phase of depression. I slept too much. I stayed awake at night and hid from the light of day with the shades closed. I plotted against those that I supposed were responsible for my torment, and occasionally contemplated the futility of continuing my own life. I lacked direction of travel in my life. I had no goals. The future was as solid as gravy, and was just as clear. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, but I knew I was miserable. I wanted desperately to have some feeling that I was actually moving forward, but didn't know how to begin that movement. I felt like others had purpose in their lives and in their actions and I wasn't doing anything worthwhile. I wanted to feel useful and needed. It is so hard to feel good about yourself when you are achieving nothing every day. To make it worse, I had no real work ethic. I only did the bare minimum needed to get by.
One day someone took a chance on me and after a little bit of training they threw me the keys to a crappy little restaurant and said "All of these people work for you now." Though it sounds great to be in charge, these people all depended on me for their ability to pay their rent and feed their kids. And I was just a punk kid to a lot of them. Half of them were stealing and all of them were lazy. It was a very difficult experience, but it made me need to be responsible and develop a work ethic. I was just a manager, but I had a sense of ownership and pride in what I was doing. That made all of the difference in my life. I hated the job, but I knew I was young and I was paying my dues in ways that would benefit me later. If it wasn't tough, I wouldn't be so friggin' awesome today. j/k
This is why the military is such a good option for young men. It makes them do things that are outside of their comfort zone. It makes them push themselves to do things they didn't know they were capable of doing, which makes them proud of themselves for very real reasons. You can do it without the military, too, but it takes more motivation from within. You have to be your own drill instructor and a lot of us don't naturally have that inside us (me included). People have to work hard at it. If you hunt for opportunities to achieve new things they will reveal themselves. They will not find you in your house. They will likely not find you in the same old places you have been frequenting. If you want different results, try doing different things.
If you want a new job or a better job, clean up and dress like a nerd. Wear clothes that are not fashionable but are conservative and that fit your body in the traditional sense and not the cool sense. Remember you are not trying to impress the head burger-flipper, you are trying to impress the old geezer that owns the joint. Shave, get a conservative haircut, lose the ball cap, stand up straight, look people in the eye when they talk to you or you talk to them. Speak clearly and loudly in a direct, confident voice. Have you ever seen "Leave it to Beaver"? That is the world you want them to think you came from during the interview, no bullshit. Hide your tattoos and wear dress shoes. Don't sag your pants, save that for prison. And you need to remember, this isn't selling out, it is selling your capabilities. Many old guys (and people in general) won't hear one word you say about your capabilities or your experience if you don't look like them, or look like someone they feel comfortable around. Trust me, I am a psychology major who has been a sales professional for many years. I dress like a f-ing farmer most days for work because that is how my customers dress. It makes them feel comfortable with me. It makes them think that I am with them and not against them. It creates one less barrier to acceptance. There is no reason to make it harder than it has to be by adding one more layer of difficulty.
One thing that is often overlooked is the effect that friends have on you. They will offer a chance to stay in a rut and do the same bad things. Embrace new friendships with successful people or motivated people. There is a famous saying "Show me your friends and I will show you your future." Spend time with successful people. Do things that they do. Learn what works for them and emulate it. I know dozens of self-made multi-millionaires that wear faded blue jeans to work every day. They all have one thing in common - no matter what they are doing, big or small, they start at daybreak or before and don't finish until dark or later. No one I know who is truly successful works eight hour days and goes home. That eight hour thinking is called an "hourly mentality" and is what people who are destined to be laborers all of their lives do. Successful people never stop moving. They are always looking for new opportunities. If you are working at a job, keep looking for a better one, or take on another one, or start a side business of your own. So what if you are tired, sleep when you are old or dead. You have vitality and resilience at age 22 that you haven't even begun to use yet (the military would show it to you if you don't believe me).
I look forward to meeting you at the lake in a week and a half. I doubt we'll get much time to talk about serious stuff, but we can meet and have a good time on the lake. I have a friend there at the lake that might be able to help you with finding another job opportunity if you'd like.
/holy **** I wrote a book
It sounds like you have been through more strife than most. That gives you a unique perspective that can be an advantage over those who have not. Your past weakness is your strength. Some others think they have problems but have no idea what a real problem is. You do. You aren't soft. You know things can be worse. You don't have false worries bringing you down. You know what is really worth worrying about. You know how to sacrifice and do without. The fire that tormented you in the past has actually tempered you like steel to make you stronger than the guy who never had it tough. Now you can apply that to getting ahead.
When I was younger I worked at a shitty restaurant management job. It sucked but the experience gained and lessons learned were worth the sacrifice. It allowed me to open the next door to move forward. You will need to punch your ticket at several different places along the way to move forward. People don't achieve everything all at once.
When I was your age I endured a phase of depression. I slept too much. I stayed awake at night and hid from the light of day with the shades closed. I plotted against those that I supposed were responsible for my torment, and occasionally contemplated the futility of continuing my own life. I lacked direction of travel in my life. I had no goals. The future was as solid as gravy, and was just as clear. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, but I knew I was miserable. I wanted desperately to have some feeling that I was actually moving forward, but didn't know how to begin that movement. I felt like others had purpose in their lives and in their actions and I wasn't doing anything worthwhile. I wanted to feel useful and needed. It is so hard to feel good about yourself when you are achieving nothing every day. To make it worse, I had no real work ethic. I only did the bare minimum needed to get by.
One day someone took a chance on me and after a little bit of training they threw me the keys to a crappy little restaurant and said "All of these people work for you now." Though it sounds great to be in charge, these people all depended on me for their ability to pay their rent and feed their kids. And I was just a punk kid to a lot of them. Half of them were stealing and all of them were lazy. It was a very difficult experience, but it made me need to be responsible and develop a work ethic. I was just a manager, but I had a sense of ownership and pride in what I was doing. That made all of the difference in my life. I hated the job, but I knew I was young and I was paying my dues in ways that would benefit me later. If it wasn't tough, I wouldn't be so friggin' awesome today. j/k
This is why the military is such a good option for young men. It makes them do things that are outside of their comfort zone. It makes them push themselves to do things they didn't know they were capable of doing, which makes them proud of themselves for very real reasons. You can do it without the military, too, but it takes more motivation from within. You have to be your own drill instructor and a lot of us don't naturally have that inside us (me included). People have to work hard at it. If you hunt for opportunities to achieve new things they will reveal themselves. They will not find you in your house. They will likely not find you in the same old places you have been frequenting. If you want different results, try doing different things.
If you want a new job or a better job, clean up and dress like a nerd. Wear clothes that are not fashionable but are conservative and that fit your body in the traditional sense and not the cool sense. Remember you are not trying to impress the head burger-flipper, you are trying to impress the old geezer that owns the joint. Shave, get a conservative haircut, lose the ball cap, stand up straight, look people in the eye when they talk to you or you talk to them. Speak clearly and loudly in a direct, confident voice. Have you ever seen "Leave it to Beaver"? That is the world you want them to think you came from during the interview, no bullshit. Hide your tattoos and wear dress shoes. Don't sag your pants, save that for prison. And you need to remember, this isn't selling out, it is selling your capabilities. Many old guys (and people in general) won't hear one word you say about your capabilities or your experience if you don't look like them, or look like someone they feel comfortable around. Trust me, I am a psychology major who has been a sales professional for many years. I dress like a f-ing farmer most days for work because that is how my customers dress. It makes them feel comfortable with me. It makes them think that I am with them and not against them. It creates one less barrier to acceptance. There is no reason to make it harder than it has to be by adding one more layer of difficulty.
One thing that is often overlooked is the effect that friends have on you. They will offer a chance to stay in a rut and do the same bad things. Embrace new friendships with successful people or motivated people. There is a famous saying "Show me your friends and I will show you your future." Spend time with successful people. Do things that they do. Learn what works for them and emulate it. I know dozens of self-made multi-millionaires that wear faded blue jeans to work every day. They all have one thing in common - no matter what they are doing, big or small, they start at daybreak or before and don't finish until dark or later. No one I know who is truly successful works eight hour days and goes home. That eight hour thinking is called an "hourly mentality" and is what people who are destined to be laborers all of their lives do. Successful people never stop moving. They are always looking for new opportunities. If you are working at a job, keep looking for a better one, or take on another one, or start a side business of your own. So what if you are tired, sleep when you are old or dead. You have vitality and resilience at age 22 that you haven't even begun to use yet (the military would show it to you if you don't believe me).
I look forward to meeting you at the lake in a week and a half. I doubt we'll get much time to talk about serious stuff, but we can meet and have a good time on the lake. I have a friend there at the lake that might be able to help you with finding another job opportunity if you'd like.
/holy **** I wrote a book
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07-28-2010, 04:24 PM
#22
Elite Member
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Sunny Spanish speaking Non US Caribbean
Posts: 3,224
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Some start off with everything and throw it all away. Some start with everything and make even more out of it. Some start with nothing and never do anything. Some start with nothing and go get everything. Most start somewhere in between and finish somewhere in between. What you do and where you go depend on your inner drive and strength.
It sounds like you have been through more strife than most. That gives you a unique perspective that can be an advantage over those who have not. Your past weakness is your strength. Some others think they have problems but have no idea what a real problem is. You do. You aren't soft. You know things can be worse. You don't have false worries bringing you down. You know what is really worth worrying about. You know how to sacrifice and do without. The fire that tormented you in the past has actually tempered you like steel to make you stronger than the guy who never had it tough. Now you can apply that to getting ahead.
When I was younger I worked at a shitty restaurant management job. It sucked but the experience gained and lessons learned were worth the sacrifice. It allowed me to open the next door to move forward. You will need to punch your ticket at several different places along the way to move forward. People don't achieve everything all at once.
When I was your age I endured a phase of depression. I slept too much. I stayed awake at night and hid from the light of day with the shades closed. I plotted against those that I supposed were responsible for my torment, and occasionally contemplated the futility of continuing my own life. I lacked direction of travel in my life. I had no goals. The future was as solid as gravy, and was just as clear. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, but I knew I was miserable. I wanted desperately to have some feeling that I was actually moving forward, but didn't know how to begin that movement. I felt like others had purpose in their lives and in their actions and I wasn't doing anything worthwhile. I wanted to feel useful and needed. It is so hard to feel good about yourself when you are achieving nothing every day. To make it worse, I had no real work ethic. I only did the bare minimum needed to get by.
One day someone took a chance on me and after a little bit of training they threw me the keys to a crappy little restaurant and said "All of these people work for you now." Though it sounds great to be in charge, these people all depended on me for their ability to pay their rent and feed their kids. And I was just a punk kid to a lot of them. Half of them were stealing and all of them were lazy. It was a very difficult experience, but it made me need to be responsible and develop a work ethic. I was just a manager, but I had a sense of ownership and pride in what I was doing. That made all of the difference in my life. I hated the job, but I knew I was young and I was paying my dues in ways that would benefit me later. If it wasn't tough, I wouldn't be so friggin' awesome today. j/k
This is why the military is such a good option for young men. It makes them do things that are outside of their comfort zone. It makes them push themselves to do things they didn't know they were capable of doing, which makes them proud of themselves for very real reasons. You can do it without the military, too, but it takes more motivation from within. You have to be your own drill instructor and a lot of us don't naturally have that inside us (me included). People have to work hard at it. If you hunt for opportunities to achieve new things they will reveal themselves. They will not find you in your house. They will likely not find you in the same old places you have been frequenting. If you want different results, try doing different things.
If you want a new job or a better job, clean up and dress like a nerd. Wear clothes that are not fashionable but are conservative and that fit your body in the traditional sense and not the cool sense. Remember you are not trying to impress the head burger-flipper, you are trying to impress the old geezer that owns the joint. Shave, get a conservative haircut, lose the ball cap, stand up straight, look people in the eye when they talk to you or you talk to them. Speak clearly and loudly in a direct, confident voice. Have you ever seen "Leave it to Beaver"? That is the world you want them to think you came from during the interview, no bullshit. Hide your tattoos and wear dress shoes. Don't sag your pants, save that for prison. And you need to remember, this isn't selling out, it is selling your capabilities. Many old guys (and people in general) won't hear one word you say about your capabilities or your experience if you don't look like them, or look like someone they feel comfortable around. Trust me, I am a psychology major who has been a sales professional for many years. I dress like a f-ing farmer most days for work because that is how my customers dress. It makes them feel comfortable with me. It makes them think that I am with them and not against them. It creates one less barrier to acceptance. There is no reason to make it harder than it has to be by adding one more layer of difficulty.
One thing that is often overlooked is the effect that friends have on you. They will offer a chance to stay in a rut and do the same bad things. Embrace new friendships with successful people or motivated people. There is a famous saying "Show me your friends and I will show you your future." Spend time with successful people. Do things that they do. Learn what works for them and emulate it. I know dozens of self-made multi-millionaires that wear faded blue jeans to work every day. They all have one thing in common - no matter what they are doing, big or small, they start at daybreak or before and don't finish until dark or later. No one I know who is truly successful works eight hour days and goes home. That eight hour thinking is called an "hourly mentality" and is what people who are destined to be laborers all of their lives do. Successful people never stop moving. They are always looking for new opportunities. If you are working at a job, keep looking for a better one, or take on another one, or start a side business of your own. So what if you are tired, sleep when you are old or dead. You have vitality and resilience at age 22 that you haven't even begun to use yet (the military would show it to you if you don't believe me).
I look forward to meeting you at the lake in a week and a half. I doubt we'll get much time to talk about serious stuff, but we can meet and have a good time on the lake. I have a friend there at the lake that might be able to help you with finding another job opportunity if you'd like.
/holy **** I wrote a book
It sounds like you have been through more strife than most. That gives you a unique perspective that can be an advantage over those who have not. Your past weakness is your strength. Some others think they have problems but have no idea what a real problem is. You do. You aren't soft. You know things can be worse. You don't have false worries bringing you down. You know what is really worth worrying about. You know how to sacrifice and do without. The fire that tormented you in the past has actually tempered you like steel to make you stronger than the guy who never had it tough. Now you can apply that to getting ahead.
When I was younger I worked at a shitty restaurant management job. It sucked but the experience gained and lessons learned were worth the sacrifice. It allowed me to open the next door to move forward. You will need to punch your ticket at several different places along the way to move forward. People don't achieve everything all at once.
When I was your age I endured a phase of depression. I slept too much. I stayed awake at night and hid from the light of day with the shades closed. I plotted against those that I supposed were responsible for my torment, and occasionally contemplated the futility of continuing my own life. I lacked direction of travel in my life. I had no goals. The future was as solid as gravy, and was just as clear. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, but I knew I was miserable. I wanted desperately to have some feeling that I was actually moving forward, but didn't know how to begin that movement. I felt like others had purpose in their lives and in their actions and I wasn't doing anything worthwhile. I wanted to feel useful and needed. It is so hard to feel good about yourself when you are achieving nothing every day. To make it worse, I had no real work ethic. I only did the bare minimum needed to get by.
One day someone took a chance on me and after a little bit of training they threw me the keys to a crappy little restaurant and said "All of these people work for you now." Though it sounds great to be in charge, these people all depended on me for their ability to pay their rent and feed their kids. And I was just a punk kid to a lot of them. Half of them were stealing and all of them were lazy. It was a very difficult experience, but it made me need to be responsible and develop a work ethic. I was just a manager, but I had a sense of ownership and pride in what I was doing. That made all of the difference in my life. I hated the job, but I knew I was young and I was paying my dues in ways that would benefit me later. If it wasn't tough, I wouldn't be so friggin' awesome today. j/k
This is why the military is such a good option for young men. It makes them do things that are outside of their comfort zone. It makes them push themselves to do things they didn't know they were capable of doing, which makes them proud of themselves for very real reasons. You can do it without the military, too, but it takes more motivation from within. You have to be your own drill instructor and a lot of us don't naturally have that inside us (me included). People have to work hard at it. If you hunt for opportunities to achieve new things they will reveal themselves. They will not find you in your house. They will likely not find you in the same old places you have been frequenting. If you want different results, try doing different things.
If you want a new job or a better job, clean up and dress like a nerd. Wear clothes that are not fashionable but are conservative and that fit your body in the traditional sense and not the cool sense. Remember you are not trying to impress the head burger-flipper, you are trying to impress the old geezer that owns the joint. Shave, get a conservative haircut, lose the ball cap, stand up straight, look people in the eye when they talk to you or you talk to them. Speak clearly and loudly in a direct, confident voice. Have you ever seen "Leave it to Beaver"? That is the world you want them to think you came from during the interview, no bullshit. Hide your tattoos and wear dress shoes. Don't sag your pants, save that for prison. And you need to remember, this isn't selling out, it is selling your capabilities. Many old guys (and people in general) won't hear one word you say about your capabilities or your experience if you don't look like them, or look like someone they feel comfortable around. Trust me, I am a psychology major who has been a sales professional for many years. I dress like a f-ing farmer most days for work because that is how my customers dress. It makes them feel comfortable with me. It makes them think that I am with them and not against them. It creates one less barrier to acceptance. There is no reason to make it harder than it has to be by adding one more layer of difficulty.
One thing that is often overlooked is the effect that friends have on you. They will offer a chance to stay in a rut and do the same bad things. Embrace new friendships with successful people or motivated people. There is a famous saying "Show me your friends and I will show you your future." Spend time with successful people. Do things that they do. Learn what works for them and emulate it. I know dozens of self-made multi-millionaires that wear faded blue jeans to work every day. They all have one thing in common - no matter what they are doing, big or small, they start at daybreak or before and don't finish until dark or later. No one I know who is truly successful works eight hour days and goes home. That eight hour thinking is called an "hourly mentality" and is what people who are destined to be laborers all of their lives do. Successful people never stop moving. They are always looking for new opportunities. If you are working at a job, keep looking for a better one, or take on another one, or start a side business of your own. So what if you are tired, sleep when you are old or dead. You have vitality and resilience at age 22 that you haven't even begun to use yet (the military would show it to you if you don't believe me).
I look forward to meeting you at the lake in a week and a half. I doubt we'll get much time to talk about serious stuff, but we can meet and have a good time on the lake. I have a friend there at the lake that might be able to help you with finding another job opportunity if you'd like.
/holy **** I wrote a book
This is the why I like shooter so much. You sir take the time to help your fellowman!
Wonton; the past is history. Nothing you (or anyone else for that matter) can do about it. Try to look forward. You've done quite well for your circumstances. I think you've gotten some good suggestions here.
I like the Armed Forces suggestion in your case. I think that will contribute to provide some structure in your life.
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07-28-2010, 05:06 PM
#23
I'm a terrible person
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Military is a good idea. If you are not afraid to deploy, go Army, cause you will deploy. Make sure you check out the various jobs you can do in the military though. There are a lot, and it can get confusing. Try and pick something you can do when you get out. Another way of doing it is pick the job with the shortest contract. Do whatever it is you enlisted for, do a good job, get out, go to school using the GI Bill and pick up a skill/degree to use.
Just remember the military is not all fun and games either. Depending on your MOS you have a chance to be in some serious ****. Just like any job there will be people you don't get along with, and you may not like your boss (all 10 of them). But stay positive and drive on, nothing is forever.
Just remember the military is not all fun and games either. Depending on your MOS you have a chance to be in some serious ****. Just like any job there will be people you don't get along with, and you may not like your boss (all 10 of them). But stay positive and drive on, nothing is forever.
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07-28-2010, 05:24 PM
#24
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Location: Birmingham Alabama
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While my childhood doesn't sound like it was as bad as WonTon's, I'll throw in my short story. I was born into a upper lower class family, not poor, but not well off either. My parents divorced when I was 5, which was probably a good thing since I barely remember it, and they would have been miserable together. My mom was too active (cleaning house constantly, yard work, ect.), and my dad was too inactive (come home from work and chill). My mom met a guy soon after, when I was about 6, and have been together since. Just sucks that he is an alcoholic and made my childhood and her life a living hell. I blame him for my social anxiety and my extreme distrust in people. I have very little to do with most people, and rarely go out and party like typical people in their 20's. I'm very much a loner and like to be at home. I also had a stepmother for 5 years or so when I was 8 or 9 up until I was in my early teens. She also made my life hell, since she was jealous of me. So no matter where I went, I had mean people ******* with my head.
I left high school at 16 to "get an early start" on my future, which turned out to be not so great actually. I'm now 24, and have been to 3 different schools, and built up loan debts and still have nothing to show for it, and work in a medical lab for low pay. I find it very hard to stick to one path, my mind always wanders and I change my mind constantly, thanks to second guessing myself at every turn. For now I am studying to be in the IT field though, and have been sticking to it pretty well.
So basically, who I really am is an anti-social, under achiever with social anxiety and depression, and a mild stammering problem because of it. At least I have a few positives. I feel I don't buy into a lot of bullshit, and see the world with more openness than most people. I'm also a pretty intelligent guy, which may also be to blame for a lot of my problems, since I think too much. I was tested for ADD when I was in my mid teens and found out I didn't have ADD, but had a pretty high IQ of about 155. So at least I have that going for me.
Not the tragedy and terrible life a lot of people have, but I'm not to pleased so far.
And props for WonTon for handling it and pushing on where a lot of people would have crumbled and given up. Just goes to show your upbringing doesn't really always determine how you will end up in the long run. It does make it harder though.
I left high school at 16 to "get an early start" on my future, which turned out to be not so great actually. I'm now 24, and have been to 3 different schools, and built up loan debts and still have nothing to show for it, and work in a medical lab for low pay. I find it very hard to stick to one path, my mind always wanders and I change my mind constantly, thanks to second guessing myself at every turn. For now I am studying to be in the IT field though, and have been sticking to it pretty well.
So basically, who I really am is an anti-social, under achiever with social anxiety and depression, and a mild stammering problem because of it. At least I have a few positives. I feel I don't buy into a lot of bullshit, and see the world with more openness than most people. I'm also a pretty intelligent guy, which may also be to blame for a lot of my problems, since I think too much. I was tested for ADD when I was in my mid teens and found out I didn't have ADD, but had a pretty high IQ of about 155. So at least I have that going for me.
Not the tragedy and terrible life a lot of people have, but I'm not to pleased so far.
And props for WonTon for handling it and pushing on where a lot of people would have crumbled and given up. Just goes to show your upbringing doesn't really always determine how you will end up in the long run. It does make it harder though.
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07-28-2010, 09:01 PM
#25
They get a decent amount of discounts. Also, once you serve your time in the military, you can go in as a civilian contract worker (if its still in need then) which makes a pretty decent chunk of change, and my memory is kind of hazy on this, but I seem to remember them saying the first 100K a year in the sand box is tax free as a contract worker. Again, its been a few years now, so I might be off base.
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07-28-2010, 10:51 PM
#26
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i didnt know this was was some sort of T.V. show. i dont watch much T.V. and stay away from MTV (that **** will rot your mind) i only watch movies, discovery and the channels that play law and order, csi, ncis and **** like that.
im not looking for sympathy, i just wanted to break out of my norm and try to talk to people that i dont know, therapy cost money and i dont have insurance. non the less i dont want to go as low as needing a shrink. i figured there were some people here that have been in my shoes and have advice to share on how they pushed through.
Localtech: i do believe in god, but do not go to church for the fact that most churches around here are corrupt cults. thank you for the offer and if i need to talk i will definitely reach out to you.
the only reason that is keeping me from joining the military is that i dont want to run from my problems. i want to figure out how to take them head on, i dont want to get used to running away. although i do agree with all that have said that it will give me structure ect. ect.
one of the biggest problems i had growing up is the fact that i had nobody to look up to and i didnt have father figure around.
im not looking for sympathy, i just wanted to break out of my norm and try to talk to people that i dont know, therapy cost money and i dont have insurance. non the less i dont want to go as low as needing a shrink. i figured there were some people here that have been in my shoes and have advice to share on how they pushed through.
Localtech: i do believe in god, but do not go to church for the fact that most churches around here are corrupt cults. thank you for the offer and if i need to talk i will definitely reach out to you.
the only reason that is keeping me from joining the military is that i dont want to run from my problems. i want to figure out how to take them head on, i dont want to get used to running away. although i do agree with all that have said that it will give me structure ect. ect.
one of the biggest problems i had growing up is the fact that i had nobody to look up to and i didnt have father figure around.
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07-28-2010, 11:04 PM
#28
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Some start off with everything and throw it all away. Some start with everything and make even more out of it. Some start with nothing and never do anything. Some start with nothing and go get everything. Most start somewhere in between and finish somewhere in between. What you do and where you go depend on your inner drive and strength.
It sounds like you have been through more strife than most. That gives you a unique perspective that can be an advantage over those who have not. Your past weakness is your strength. Some others think they have problems but have no idea what a real problem is. You do. You aren't soft. You know things can be worse. You don't have false worries bringing you down. You know what is really worth worrying about. You know how to sacrifice and do without. The fire that tormented you in the past has actually tempered you like steel to make you stronger than the guy who never had it tough. Now you can apply that to getting ahead.
When I was younger I worked at a shitty restaurant management job. It sucked but the experience gained and lessons learned were worth the sacrifice. It allowed me to open the next door to move forward. You will need to punch your ticket at several different places along the way to move forward. People don't achieve everything all at once.
When I was your age I endured a phase of depression. I slept too much. I stayed awake at night and hid from the light of day with the shades closed. I plotted against those that I supposed were responsible for my torment, and occasionally contemplated the futility of continuing my own life. I lacked direction of travel in my life. I had no goals. The future was as solid as gravy, and was just as clear. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, but I knew I was miserable. I wanted desperately to have some feeling that I was actually moving forward, but didn't know how to begin that movement. I felt like others had purpose in their lives and in their actions and I wasn't doing anything worthwhile. I wanted to feel useful and needed. It is so hard to feel good about yourself when you are achieving nothing every day. To make it worse, I had no real work ethic. I only did the bare minimum needed to get by.
One day someone took a chance on me and after a little bit of training they threw me the keys to a crappy little restaurant and said "All of these people work for you now." Though it sounds great to be in charge, these people all depended on me for their ability to pay their rent and feed their kids. And I was just a punk kid to a lot of them. Half of them were stealing and all of them were lazy. It was a very difficult experience, but it made me need to be responsible and develop a work ethic. I was just a manager, but I had a sense of ownership and pride in what I was doing. That made all of the difference in my life. I hated the job, but I knew I was young and I was paying my dues in ways that would benefit me later. If it wasn't tough, I wouldn't be so friggin' awesome today. j/k
This is why the military is such a good option for young men. It makes them do things that are outside of their comfort zone. It makes them push themselves to do things they didn't know they were capable of doing, which makes them proud of themselves for very real reasons. You can do it without the military, too, but it takes more motivation from within. You have to be your own drill instructor and a lot of us don't naturally have that inside us (me included). People have to work hard at it. If you hunt for opportunities to achieve new things they will reveal themselves. They will not find you in your house. They will likely not find you in the same old places you have been frequenting. If you want different results, try doing different things.
If you want a new job or a better job, clean up and dress like a nerd. Wear clothes that are not fashionable but are conservative and that fit your body in the traditional sense and not the cool sense. Remember you are not trying to impress the head burger-flipper, you are trying to impress the old geezer that owns the joint. Shave, get a conservative haircut, lose the ball cap, stand up straight, look people in the eye when they talk to you or you talk to them. Speak clearly and loudly in a direct, confident voice. Have you ever seen "Leave it to Beaver"? That is the world you want them to think you came from during the interview, no bullshit. Hide your tattoos and wear dress shoes. Don't sag your pants, save that for prison. And you need to remember, this isn't selling out, it is selling your capabilities. Many old guys (and people in general) won't hear one word you say about your capabilities or your experience if you don't look like them, or look like someone they feel comfortable around. Trust me, I am a psychology major who has been a sales professional for many years. I dress like a f-ing farmer most days for work because that is how my customers dress. It makes them feel comfortable with me. It makes them think that I am with them and not against them. It creates one less barrier to acceptance. There is no reason to make it harder than it has to be by adding one more layer of difficulty.
One thing that is often overlooked is the effect that friends have on you. They will offer a chance to stay in a rut and do the same bad things. Embrace new friendships with successful people or motivated people. There is a famous saying "Show me your friends and I will show you your future." Spend time with successful people. Do things that they do. Learn what works for them and emulate it. I know dozens of self-made multi-millionaires that wear faded blue jeans to work every day. They all have one thing in common - no matter what they are doing, big or small, they start at daybreak or before and don't finish until dark or later. No one I know who is truly successful works eight hour days and goes home. That eight hour thinking is called an "hourly mentality" and is what people who are destined to be laborers all of their lives do. Successful people never stop moving. They are always looking for new opportunities. If you are working at a job, keep looking for a better one, or take on another one, or start a side business of your own. So what if you are tired, sleep when you are old or dead. You have vitality and resilience at age 22 that you haven't even begun to use yet (the military would show it to you if you don't believe me).
I look forward to meeting you at the lake in a week and a half. I doubt we'll get much time to talk about serious stuff, but we can meet and have a good time on the lake. I have a friend there at the lake that might be able to help you with finding another job opportunity if you'd like.
/holy **** I wrote a book
It sounds like you have been through more strife than most. That gives you a unique perspective that can be an advantage over those who have not. Your past weakness is your strength. Some others think they have problems but have no idea what a real problem is. You do. You aren't soft. You know things can be worse. You don't have false worries bringing you down. You know what is really worth worrying about. You know how to sacrifice and do without. The fire that tormented you in the past has actually tempered you like steel to make you stronger than the guy who never had it tough. Now you can apply that to getting ahead.
When I was younger I worked at a shitty restaurant management job. It sucked but the experience gained and lessons learned were worth the sacrifice. It allowed me to open the next door to move forward. You will need to punch your ticket at several different places along the way to move forward. People don't achieve everything all at once.
When I was your age I endured a phase of depression. I slept too much. I stayed awake at night and hid from the light of day with the shades closed. I plotted against those that I supposed were responsible for my torment, and occasionally contemplated the futility of continuing my own life. I lacked direction of travel in my life. I had no goals. The future was as solid as gravy, and was just as clear. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, but I knew I was miserable. I wanted desperately to have some feeling that I was actually moving forward, but didn't know how to begin that movement. I felt like others had purpose in their lives and in their actions and I wasn't doing anything worthwhile. I wanted to feel useful and needed. It is so hard to feel good about yourself when you are achieving nothing every day. To make it worse, I had no real work ethic. I only did the bare minimum needed to get by.
One day someone took a chance on me and after a little bit of training they threw me the keys to a crappy little restaurant and said "All of these people work for you now." Though it sounds great to be in charge, these people all depended on me for their ability to pay their rent and feed their kids. And I was just a punk kid to a lot of them. Half of them were stealing and all of them were lazy. It was a very difficult experience, but it made me need to be responsible and develop a work ethic. I was just a manager, but I had a sense of ownership and pride in what I was doing. That made all of the difference in my life. I hated the job, but I knew I was young and I was paying my dues in ways that would benefit me later. If it wasn't tough, I wouldn't be so friggin' awesome today. j/k
This is why the military is such a good option for young men. It makes them do things that are outside of their comfort zone. It makes them push themselves to do things they didn't know they were capable of doing, which makes them proud of themselves for very real reasons. You can do it without the military, too, but it takes more motivation from within. You have to be your own drill instructor and a lot of us don't naturally have that inside us (me included). People have to work hard at it. If you hunt for opportunities to achieve new things they will reveal themselves. They will not find you in your house. They will likely not find you in the same old places you have been frequenting. If you want different results, try doing different things.
If you want a new job or a better job, clean up and dress like a nerd. Wear clothes that are not fashionable but are conservative and that fit your body in the traditional sense and not the cool sense. Remember you are not trying to impress the head burger-flipper, you are trying to impress the old geezer that owns the joint. Shave, get a conservative haircut, lose the ball cap, stand up straight, look people in the eye when they talk to you or you talk to them. Speak clearly and loudly in a direct, confident voice. Have you ever seen "Leave it to Beaver"? That is the world you want them to think you came from during the interview, no bullshit. Hide your tattoos and wear dress shoes. Don't sag your pants, save that for prison. And you need to remember, this isn't selling out, it is selling your capabilities. Many old guys (and people in general) won't hear one word you say about your capabilities or your experience if you don't look like them, or look like someone they feel comfortable around. Trust me, I am a psychology major who has been a sales professional for many years. I dress like a f-ing farmer most days for work because that is how my customers dress. It makes them feel comfortable with me. It makes them think that I am with them and not against them. It creates one less barrier to acceptance. There is no reason to make it harder than it has to be by adding one more layer of difficulty.
One thing that is often overlooked is the effect that friends have on you. They will offer a chance to stay in a rut and do the same bad things. Embrace new friendships with successful people or motivated people. There is a famous saying "Show me your friends and I will show you your future." Spend time with successful people. Do things that they do. Learn what works for them and emulate it. I know dozens of self-made multi-millionaires that wear faded blue jeans to work every day. They all have one thing in common - no matter what they are doing, big or small, they start at daybreak or before and don't finish until dark or later. No one I know who is truly successful works eight hour days and goes home. That eight hour thinking is called an "hourly mentality" and is what people who are destined to be laborers all of their lives do. Successful people never stop moving. They are always looking for new opportunities. If you are working at a job, keep looking for a better one, or take on another one, or start a side business of your own. So what if you are tired, sleep when you are old or dead. You have vitality and resilience at age 22 that you haven't even begun to use yet (the military would show it to you if you don't believe me).
I look forward to meeting you at the lake in a week and a half. I doubt we'll get much time to talk about serious stuff, but we can meet and have a good time on the lake. I have a friend there at the lake that might be able to help you with finding another job opportunity if you'd like.
/holy **** I wrote a book
thank you for the book you wrote. it made me feel alot better after reading your post.
While my childhood doesn't sound like it was as bad as WonTon's, I'll throw in my short story. I was born into a upper lower class family, not poor, but not well off either. My parents divorced when I was 5, which was probably a good thing since I barely remember it, and they would have been miserable together. My mom was too active (cleaning house constantly, yard work, ect.), and my dad was too inactive (come home from work and chill). My mom met a guy soon after, when I was about 6, and have been together since. Just sucks that he is an alcoholic and made my childhood and her life a living hell. I blame him for my social anxiety and my extreme distrust in people. I have very little to do with most people, and rarely go out and party like typical people in their 20's. I'm very much a loner and like to be at home. I also had a stepmother for 5 years or so when I was 8 or 9 up until I was in my early teens. She also made my life hell, since she was jealous of me. So no matter where I went, I had mean people ******* with my head.
I left high school at 16 to "get an early start" on my future, which turned out to be not so great actually. I'm now 24, and have been to 3 different schools, and built up loan debts and still have nothing to show for it, and work in a medical lab for low pay. I find it very hard to stick to one path, my mind always wanders and I change my mind constantly, thanks to second guessing myself at every turn. For now I am studying to be in the IT field though, and have been sticking to it pretty well.
So basically, who I really am is an anti-social, under achiever with social anxiety and depression, and a mild stammering problem because of it. At least I have a few positives. I feel I don't buy into a lot of bullshit, and see the world with more openness than most people. I'm also a pretty intelligent guy, which may also be to blame for a lot of my problems, since I think too much. I was tested for ADD when I was in my mid teens and found out I didn't have ADD, but had a pretty high IQ of about 155. So at least I have that going for me.
Not the tragedy and terrible life a lot of people have, but I'm not to pleased so far.
And props for WonTon for handling it and pushing on where a lot of people would have crumbled and given up. Just goes to show your upbringing doesn't really always determine how you will end up in the long run. It does make it harder though.
I left high school at 16 to "get an early start" on my future, which turned out to be not so great actually. I'm now 24, and have been to 3 different schools, and built up loan debts and still have nothing to show for it, and work in a medical lab for low pay. I find it very hard to stick to one path, my mind always wanders and I change my mind constantly, thanks to second guessing myself at every turn. For now I am studying to be in the IT field though, and have been sticking to it pretty well.
So basically, who I really am is an anti-social, under achiever with social anxiety and depression, and a mild stammering problem because of it. At least I have a few positives. I feel I don't buy into a lot of bullshit, and see the world with more openness than most people. I'm also a pretty intelligent guy, which may also be to blame for a lot of my problems, since I think too much. I was tested for ADD when I was in my mid teens and found out I didn't have ADD, but had a pretty high IQ of about 155. So at least I have that going for me.
Not the tragedy and terrible life a lot of people have, but I'm not to pleased so far.
And props for WonTon for handling it and pushing on where a lot of people would have crumbled and given up. Just goes to show your upbringing doesn't really always determine how you will end up in the long run. It does make it harder though.
my parents split up when i was 15, because of the drugs and ****. my mom finally cleaned her act up after she got thrown in jail (she has 2 felony's) she was forced to go through rehab and 5 years of probation (she was only allowed to see me with supervised visits and at that point my dad tried to take his own life because of all the stress from my mom) during all that time i lived with my grandmother so i didnt see much of my parents for a few years. because of all that stuff, i have a extream disgust for certain things. i live at home with my mom right now and one of the things that is bothering me is the fact that she is dating a new guy and has resorted back to drugs (this is one of the major reasons for my depression) i cant get away from the **** that really hurts me...
They get a decent amount of discounts. Also, once you serve your time in the military, you can go in as a civilian contract worker (if its still in need then) which makes a pretty decent chunk of change, and my memory is kind of hazy on this, but I seem to remember them saying the first 100K a year in the sand box is tax free as a contract worker. Again, its been a few years now, so I might be off base.
Last edited by WonTon; 07-28-2010 at 11:15 PM.
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07-28-2010, 11:10 PM
#29
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You shouldn't be so hard on yourself, dude. Lots of people have it way worse than you. Think how hard it must be for a blind person or a quadriplegic person to just get through the basic tasks or for a homeless person to stay warm in the winter. There are people who struggle just to get through the day to day chores that we take for granted.
I'm not trying to get on your ***, lord knows I'm no better. My mother passed away when I was 10 years old. My father passed away shortly after when I was 16. I've been on my own ever since. I dropped out of high school at 16 and bounced around living any where I could lay my head. Right around the same time I found out I was adopted and searched out my biological parents only to find out my father was a raging coke head and my mother had no interest whatsoever in having anything to do with me, even now. She went as far as telling me not to contact her and hung up the phone when I tried to start a relationship with her and my real brother.
At 18 I got a full time job and my own place and have been on my own ever since. Then I fell into deep depression, alcoholism and a 2 year crack habit all at the same time. I was lucky to make it through with my life. I got a pretty good sized inheritance and smoked all of it not to mention going $30,000 in debt and having to file bankruptcy. I suffer the repercussions of my bad choices and shitty luck still to this day.
I'm 39 years old, live in an apartment by myself filled with hand me downs, my teeth are falling out from the drug use, I smoke 2 packs of cigarettes a day to keep my nerves in check and have OCD so bad I can't leave without checking to make sure the door is locked three times or use a dish without rinsing it till it squeaks to make sure all the soap is off of it. I'm ---- on some things and careless on others and a touch dyslexic. I'm a walking, talking contradiction in terms.
Yet, I think about none of this. All I can think about is how bad others have it and it makes me thankful for what I do have. It could have been worse. I have a good job, my bills are paid, quit the drugs and the drinking, have a roof over my head and few friends and family that love me and care about me no matter what. I even have cable! LOL! The past is written, there's nothing we can do to change it. The future is uncertain,it will always be. All we can do is keep our heads held high and try to make the best of the time we have left. Sometimes it's easy sometimes it's hard. The only constant is change itself.
There is a flip side to every coin and the grass is always greener on the other side till you have to mow the ******* lawn over there. Nobody is perfect(except maybe hustler) but we weren't made to be. If we were, we would look the same, talk the same, walk the same and it would be a boring life. We would all be the same strain of bacteria in a petri dish. The good thing is if there is some part of life you don't like, you can change it, it's your life you can choose which path to take through it.
Just remember things aren't always as bad as they seem. A lot of it is a matter of perspective. Someone with less would revel in your life. In the land of the blind the one eyed man is king. Chin up bro, there's light at the end of the tunnel, all you have to do is walk to it. You can make your life into anything, it just takes a little effort sometimes. Let you head and your heart guide you.
There, my soul is naked for all to see. Now you guys know who I really am. Still love me? You better ,you ******* or I'll come to you in your dreams!!
I'm not trying to get on your ***, lord knows I'm no better. My mother passed away when I was 10 years old. My father passed away shortly after when I was 16. I've been on my own ever since. I dropped out of high school at 16 and bounced around living any where I could lay my head. Right around the same time I found out I was adopted and searched out my biological parents only to find out my father was a raging coke head and my mother had no interest whatsoever in having anything to do with me, even now. She went as far as telling me not to contact her and hung up the phone when I tried to start a relationship with her and my real brother.
At 18 I got a full time job and my own place and have been on my own ever since. Then I fell into deep depression, alcoholism and a 2 year crack habit all at the same time. I was lucky to make it through with my life. I got a pretty good sized inheritance and smoked all of it not to mention going $30,000 in debt and having to file bankruptcy. I suffer the repercussions of my bad choices and shitty luck still to this day.
I'm 39 years old, live in an apartment by myself filled with hand me downs, my teeth are falling out from the drug use, I smoke 2 packs of cigarettes a day to keep my nerves in check and have OCD so bad I can't leave without checking to make sure the door is locked three times or use a dish without rinsing it till it squeaks to make sure all the soap is off of it. I'm ---- on some things and careless on others and a touch dyslexic. I'm a walking, talking contradiction in terms.
Yet, I think about none of this. All I can think about is how bad others have it and it makes me thankful for what I do have. It could have been worse. I have a good job, my bills are paid, quit the drugs and the drinking, have a roof over my head and few friends and family that love me and care about me no matter what. I even have cable! LOL! The past is written, there's nothing we can do to change it. The future is uncertain,it will always be. All we can do is keep our heads held high and try to make the best of the time we have left. Sometimes it's easy sometimes it's hard. The only constant is change itself.
There is a flip side to every coin and the grass is always greener on the other side till you have to mow the ******* lawn over there. Nobody is perfect(except maybe hustler) but we weren't made to be. If we were, we would look the same, talk the same, walk the same and it would be a boring life. We would all be the same strain of bacteria in a petri dish. The good thing is if there is some part of life you don't like, you can change it, it's your life you can choose which path to take through it.
Just remember things aren't always as bad as they seem. A lot of it is a matter of perspective. Someone with less would revel in your life. In the land of the blind the one eyed man is king. Chin up bro, there's light at the end of the tunnel, all you have to do is walk to it. You can make your life into anything, it just takes a little effort sometimes. Let you head and your heart guide you.
There, my soul is naked for all to see. Now you guys know who I really am. Still love me? You better ,you ******* or I'll come to you in your dreams!!
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07-28-2010, 11:23 PM
#30
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you know, i spent most of my day thinking i would come home to find this thread full of replies that say shut the **** up, dont be a puss and pound sand.
thank you for all the helpful replies. this is really helping me out...
lordrigamus: every post of yours i read, there is alway something in it that makes me laugh.....
thank you for all the helpful replies. this is really helping me out...
lordrigamus: every post of yours i read, there is alway something in it that makes me laugh.....
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07-28-2010, 11:33 PM
#31
you know, i spent most of my day thinking i would come home to find this thread full of replies that say shut the **** up, dont be a puss and pound sand.
thank you for all the helpful replies. this is really helping me out...
lordrigamus: every post of yours i read, there is alway something in it that makes me laugh.....
thank you for all the helpful replies. this is really helping me out...
lordrigamus: every post of yours i read, there is alway something in it that makes me laugh.....
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07-28-2010, 11:41 PM
#34
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At least I'm good for something.
Hope you feel better dude.
Life isn't always a bowl of cherries but it's not always a bucket of **** either. Without the bad, we wouldn't know what good is. It would all look the same. Sometimes you just need to look at things in a different light.
If you want, I'll give you a e-hug and I promise I wont grab your ***... for too long!
Hope you feel better dude. Life isn't always a bowl of cherries but it's not always a bucket of **** either. Without the bad, we wouldn't know what good is. It would all look the same. Sometimes you just need to look at things in a different light.
If you want, I'll give you a e-hug and I promise I wont grab your ***... for too long!
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07-29-2010, 02:16 AM
#35
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On to the topic at hand:
I didn't really have a tough childhood. Parents got divorced when I was 9. My dad was a drinker and still is, it has calmed down since then but it has definitely made our relationship feel like its on thin ice. The second half of my short life I've mostly been living with my mom. Shes pretty cool. I have a deep respect for my dad, and he is awesome when hes sober, but all the drinking when I was younger really put a dent in our relationship. It is also my fault, I'm not completely sure what I could've done to help, but I always feel guilty about our relationship.
I'm kind of a loner, theres only a few people I can hang out with comfortably and not feel extremely out of place. I tend to hide from people for the most part, its kind of weird. I still go out, but I end up driving around at night with my hoodie on, just so that it is harder for a familiar face to spot me. I'm not sure why I do it.
Generally have it pretty easy though, and I'm thankful. I have run out of motivation to keep typing though. In short: we're all posting on an internet forum, so I'm going to make the assumption that we are all fine. Some better off than others, but we all have our health (I hope)
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07-29-2010, 04:13 AM
#36
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I'm surprised to see so many anti socials/social anxiety people on here. I can post all day on the internet, because I don't have to actually deal with talking. People always comment on how quiet I am, but as much as that is shyness and anxiety, it is also the fact that I just don't like most people. I listen to people talk and think "what a ******* idiot". Most people my age act immature, at least how I see it, and talk about stupid ****, I just don't get most of it, so I stay out of the conversation. A lot of people also find silence awkward, I find it nice. I think it shows you are more comfortable if you can sit in silence with someone instead of having to make small talk and bullshit about stuff neither person really cares about. I'm also a thinker and an observer. I bet I take in more of an experience than most people do because they like the sound of their own voice too much to shut up and just listen and watch. I watch peoples body movements, their habits, and listen to their stories and voice. I can spot a bullshitter from a mile away based on that. Very tough to squeeze bullshit past me. As to why I don't go out much with people, though I do every now and then and have a good time once I'm drunk, I'm not entirely sure. I guess it's just overall I'm not comfortable around a bunch of people I don't know and don't really care to know.
I guess that's the end of this rant.
*I will be at the late next weekend, so don't be offended if I don't chat up a storm, I'm just taking it all in. I have a good time in my own way even if I might not seem like I am.
I guess that's the end of this rant.
*I will be at the late next weekend, so don't be offended if I don't chat up a storm, I'm just taking it all in. I have a good time in my own way even if I might not seem like I am.
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07-29-2010, 07:32 AM
#37
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we just got rid of one of our business partners because he kept on charging business debit card as if it was his own. overall we are trying to get $10k that he stole back. all that money is for projects that havent even started yet and i dont know how to pay the employees now...
besides that, i just found out today FROM A CLIENT that he has signed a hosting contract with them that gets us $300/mo while it was supposed to be $1,020/month. im about $500/mo out of pocket on this for the next year.
my life is FUN!
besides that, i just found out today FROM A CLIENT that he has signed a hosting contract with them that gets us $300/mo while it was supposed to be $1,020/month. im about $500/mo out of pocket on this for the next year.
my life is FUN!
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07-29-2010, 10:07 AM
#38
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People will always have problems. As soon as their biggest problem is solved their second biggest problem becomes their biggest problem. What most people lack is true perspective of the gravity of their actual problems. Many of you here have the experience, and from that you have the wisdom, to know how just how tough the tough times can be.
Lordrigamus shows the wisdom of his perspective when he types. He's been on the road of life a little longer and that obviously really aids his understanding. And what I see is that the hard times have made him more appreciative of what he has earned and accomplished. He can be proud of having slayed a dragon that I would be afraid to face. And he sounds like he has found peace and some contentment in his victory.
I had low self esteem as a child. I was socialized more with adults early on than with other children so I didn't fit in with the kids well. I was trusting and naive because the adults had always been nice to me. That led to its own problems. I felt like I didn't ever fit in well socially, but would sometimes do well on an individual basis. Thankfully, I did well with the ladies because of my ability to earn their trust and not appear threatening. In college I never was the life of the party or the center of attention. I was in a fraternity in college, but was always the voice of reason and maturity (stick in the mud) and tried to keep the brats from killing themselves or others. In bars and at parties I hang back and watch the antics. I've always been a student of human behavior. I was a peer counselor in high school and became a psychology major in college. I have done relationship counseling and general counseling but after some management experience ended up using my psychology background in sales. What is tough about it and good about it at the same time is that I am forced to walk up to people I don't know and initiate a conversation several times a day. This is out of my comfort zone. It takes work. If you see me at the lake and I am friendly, active, and involved in conversation it is because I am working very hard at it. It is not my natural state. I am not an extrovert. It takes practice daily for me. I am trying to improve myself one day at a time.
A wise person once told me that you have two chances in your life to have a good parent-child relationship, once as the child and once as the parent. You can't undo what was done to you through no fault of your own, but you always have the opportunity to create a warm, loving, involved relationship as a parent. Don't ever forget how important that relationship was when you were the child. And let it make you a better parent for it.
As for the military, my brother went into the Army at age 34. He had fucked around in and out of college for a few years and worked at some bullshit jobs. He had his own computer parts wholesale business that was created from scratch with no overhead at all. Everything was drop shipped when ordered. He blew tens and tens of thousands on drugs, bimbos, and straight out ******. He had my parents believing he was manic depressive even though he was just a druggie. He decided one day he wasn't going to do it anymore. Just decided, that was it. Shortly thereafter he went to the recruiter and started talking about opportunities. He was smart and great with computers, so he scored well on his ASVAB test. He negotiated with the recruiter for several weeks and got a great deal. They paid off 43k in student loans and gave him 15 or 20k in additional bonuses. He is adamant that he wasn't running away from his reality, just creating a better one. He wanted to get away from the bad influences and bad environment and push forward. He knew his friends and others around him were going nowhere and he wanted to get away from them and start associating with a better class of people. To do that he needed a clean break form the past. He is challenged and is excelling and being promoted. He is learning useful trades that can tie back in with his computer skills.
When I quit smoking many years ago, I had to stop going to the bar where I always wanted a cigarette. Sometimes to change one habit, you have to change two or three. I went other places instead. After a while I could go back to the place occasionally without needing a cigarette when I opened my first beer. Humans are creatures of habit.
If I make myself do something over and over again (like talk to strangers) it becomes more natural. It is like this for all good and bad habits because that is the way our brains are wired. One of the strangest ways this has ever manifested itself in my life is with happiness. As strange as it sounds, and no matter what is going on in your life, happiness is a choice. And you can use the habit forming nature of the human mind to create it consistently. No bullshit. Trust me. If you act like you are happy even if you are not, you will eventually realize at some point that you actually feel happy. You could have never convinced me that it would work in a million friggin years, but it does. If, when people ask you how you are doing, you reply "same **** different day" or "life sucks" they will often agree with you. They will also often stop talking to you at that point. But whether you believe it or not, if you pause for an extra moment before answering and then smile and somewhat enthusiastically say, "things are really good today" and act sincerely like you mean it you will be surprised at the results. Try it for a week and you will be dumbfounded at the difference it made. Tell me at the lake if I was wrong. I'll buy you a beer if I was.
I had a large brain tumor removed in 2005. Every day above ground is a good day. Every day is a gift from God that I treasure. I take nothing for granted. Things could change in an instant.
You better ******* smile or your face will stick that way.
Lordrigamus shows the wisdom of his perspective when he types. He's been on the road of life a little longer and that obviously really aids his understanding. And what I see is that the hard times have made him more appreciative of what he has earned and accomplished. He can be proud of having slayed a dragon that I would be afraid to face. And he sounds like he has found peace and some contentment in his victory.
I had low self esteem as a child. I was socialized more with adults early on than with other children so I didn't fit in with the kids well. I was trusting and naive because the adults had always been nice to me. That led to its own problems. I felt like I didn't ever fit in well socially, but would sometimes do well on an individual basis. Thankfully, I did well with the ladies because of my ability to earn their trust and not appear threatening. In college I never was the life of the party or the center of attention. I was in a fraternity in college, but was always the voice of reason and maturity (stick in the mud) and tried to keep the brats from killing themselves or others. In bars and at parties I hang back and watch the antics. I've always been a student of human behavior. I was a peer counselor in high school and became a psychology major in college. I have done relationship counseling and general counseling but after some management experience ended up using my psychology background in sales. What is tough about it and good about it at the same time is that I am forced to walk up to people I don't know and initiate a conversation several times a day. This is out of my comfort zone. It takes work. If you see me at the lake and I am friendly, active, and involved in conversation it is because I am working very hard at it. It is not my natural state. I am not an extrovert. It takes practice daily for me. I am trying to improve myself one day at a time.
A wise person once told me that you have two chances in your life to have a good parent-child relationship, once as the child and once as the parent. You can't undo what was done to you through no fault of your own, but you always have the opportunity to create a warm, loving, involved relationship as a parent. Don't ever forget how important that relationship was when you were the child. And let it make you a better parent for it.
As for the military, my brother went into the Army at age 34. He had fucked around in and out of college for a few years and worked at some bullshit jobs. He had his own computer parts wholesale business that was created from scratch with no overhead at all. Everything was drop shipped when ordered. He blew tens and tens of thousands on drugs, bimbos, and straight out ******. He had my parents believing he was manic depressive even though he was just a druggie. He decided one day he wasn't going to do it anymore. Just decided, that was it. Shortly thereafter he went to the recruiter and started talking about opportunities. He was smart and great with computers, so he scored well on his ASVAB test. He negotiated with the recruiter for several weeks and got a great deal. They paid off 43k in student loans and gave him 15 or 20k in additional bonuses. He is adamant that he wasn't running away from his reality, just creating a better one. He wanted to get away from the bad influences and bad environment and push forward. He knew his friends and others around him were going nowhere and he wanted to get away from them and start associating with a better class of people. To do that he needed a clean break form the past. He is challenged and is excelling and being promoted. He is learning useful trades that can tie back in with his computer skills.
When I quit smoking many years ago, I had to stop going to the bar where I always wanted a cigarette. Sometimes to change one habit, you have to change two or three. I went other places instead. After a while I could go back to the place occasionally without needing a cigarette when I opened my first beer. Humans are creatures of habit.
If I make myself do something over and over again (like talk to strangers) it becomes more natural. It is like this for all good and bad habits because that is the way our brains are wired. One of the strangest ways this has ever manifested itself in my life is with happiness. As strange as it sounds, and no matter what is going on in your life, happiness is a choice. And you can use the habit forming nature of the human mind to create it consistently. No bullshit. Trust me. If you act like you are happy even if you are not, you will eventually realize at some point that you actually feel happy. You could have never convinced me that it would work in a million friggin years, but it does. If, when people ask you how you are doing, you reply "same **** different day" or "life sucks" they will often agree with you. They will also often stop talking to you at that point. But whether you believe it or not, if you pause for an extra moment before answering and then smile and somewhat enthusiastically say, "things are really good today" and act sincerely like you mean it you will be surprised at the results. Try it for a week and you will be dumbfounded at the difference it made. Tell me at the lake if I was wrong. I'll buy you a beer if I was.
I had a large brain tumor removed in 2005. Every day above ground is a good day. Every day is a gift from God that I treasure. I take nothing for granted. Things could change in an instant.
You better ******* smile or your face will stick that way.
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07-29-2010, 10:48 AM
#39
I fell pretty deep into depression last year.
Let me first say that I've lived what I consider to be a pretty good life. I've never been rich, and I spent the first 10 years of my life in a trailer park, but I've always been lucky enough to be surrounded by a drama-less loving family, and good friends.
I had just returned from a deployment, and I got to spend 2 blissfull weeks with my girlfriend before taking a road trip from LA to Ohio with one of my best friends. The night I returned home, my g/f broke up with me, and the next day I took my friend to the airport so he could fly home (8 hour drive). I probably spent the next two weeks or so working on my car after work, or doing other things I really enjoyed doing, when all the sudden it hit me - it felt like a battering ram to the face.
Within about 2 days time, I had gone from a purposeful life, to complete depression. I didn't know what to do, or how to handle it. I quickly realized what was happening, and why: I was lonely.
I had spent a year in a foreign country constantly surrounded by people in small groups: I had been a platoon leader, and each squad in my platoon stayed on a different 'remote' observation post for 2 weeks at a time. Wherever I would go, there was a tight knit group of people who were always excited to see me and talk to me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Very often, it was about what great and exciting things they had done recently, or were planning to do after deployment. Occasionally it was because they needed support for their own struggles in life, and they trusted me enough to tell me their problems, even if they knew that I couldn't offer anything other than empathy. I was also fortunate enough that I could talk to my girlfriend regularly over skype phone calls or yahoo instant messenger video. She gave me unending support and a reason to be excited about returning to life at home, and she never took so much as a penny in return. In effect, I went from being surrounded by people that wanted me to be around them, and talk to them, and guide them, to what felt like complete and total isolation. That year made me addicted to enjoying life with other people, and now I had no one else to relate to.
The very first thing I did, was tell my boss what I was going through. He's an O-5, so he's been around the block a time or two; and you know what, when he came into my office and closed the door, I cried, and he cared.
I also immediately called up every friend I had within half an hour or so of home. I told them I was going through a pretty serious episode of depression, and I needed help. Specifically, I asked them if they could include me/invite me to any activities they were doing. I started talking to friends I had on facebook that I had graduated high school with but hadn't really talked to or seen since, usually through the facebook chat feature, and I ended up making plans with several of them.
Still having a little bit of trouble with filling up my calendar, I fell to the depths of Craigslist Personals, and threw up an ad looking for groups of people doing evening activities. I didn't have anyone email me back saying something like "hey, we have a scrabble group that meets every wednesday" or anything like that, BUT I did have some sweetheart of a person tell me about a website called MeetUp (www.meetup.com). I guess it's kind of a big deal if you live in/near a populated area. I immediately joined about 3 or 4 groups, and about a week later, I went to my first 'meetup' event. The most exciting thing about this 'meetup' was that the people at the events were there for the sole purpose of enjoying themselves around other people. Most of the groups I've associated myself with are social groups, and It's so nice when other people show interest in who you are and what you do because they're actually socially curious. It doesn't hurt that the 'social' groups are 60-75% ladies either; though often married or otherwise 'involved', the deep no-pressure conversations they can have with people they don't know are extremely relaxing. I'm also in a couple of 'outdoor adventures' type groups. Lots of the meetup events are 'free' (it doesnt cost anything to play ultimate frisbee in a local park for example.) I invited my friends to tag along too, and from ice skating to a group dinner at a fancy restaurant, I enjoyed every single event.
I pulled out my calendar, and started writing out what I was doing every day. Within about a week, the calendar was packed with events for 2/3 weeks out. I think at one point, I had planned out every evening (or something each day on the weekends) for the following two weeks straight. I think my own cure to escaping the depression was to always have something to look forward to, and if I didn't have anything to look forward to, I had to make something myself. For example, one Wednesday evening at a Quaker Steak & Lube bike night, I was sitting down eating wings with about 5 other friends. I mentioned offhandedly and almost jokingly to my best friend, sitting across the table, that I should have a cookout at my place. I had never really hosted an event at my house, but I thought it would be fun. He said "when" and still, almost jokingly, I said "let's do it on saturday". He immediately pulled out his phone and started texting about 5 friends. The people around the table all got excited about it too, and I don't know why. Within about 10 minutes, I had 9 guests, to a cookout which was going to happen in 3 days, on July 3rd 2010, without so much as lifting a finger. Didn't these people all already have 4th of July weekend plans? I went home and called a few other people, and got on facebook and invited some more. I went out friday afternoon and picked up some ground chuck (at the meat counter, not the prepackaged ****), hot dogs, good buns, chips, name brand soda in CANS, (because i absolutely recoil when I go to a party/cookout and the drinks are all 2-liter off-brand crap. That **** needs to be reserved for 8-year-old birthday parties), beer (for myself, I announced the party as BYOB), etc. When Saturday rolled around, I had no fewer than 25 people show up at my house. I quickly ran out of good beef, and had to open the pre-pattied stuff that was stocked in the freezer (Note: budget for about 1/2 lb. of beef per adult, and 1/4 lb. per small child, when you buy an 80/20 ground chuck from the grocery.) but everyone had a fantastic time. The cookout officially started at 5. At about 930 the remaining 8 or so guests moved from my garage to my basement and began shooting pool, or sat on the couch to continue talking. I also made a few drinks from my little wet bar that I set up. Waved goodbye to the last 3 friends at about midnight, and went to bed thinking about how I'm going to improve things next time I throw a cookout.
So from a depressed state to enjoying life again, it's been a real turn-around for me. I know I've got a few luxuries that I talked about in regards to my cookout that some won't have. If you want to throw a party, but you're limited by an apartment/condo, then maybe a friend wouldn't mind you hosting a party out of his place. The best thing to do first, though, is to start small. Find your friends and plan things to do. Dinner with an old friend at a casual restaurant is a fantastic start, but call them up and invite them to a plan: "Hey, come out to Applebee's with me on Thursday, does 6:30 work for you? Can your girlfriend make it out too? I haven't met her." If you call a friend, and don't have something to do: "Hey, do you want to get together sometime?" then you're likely to end the conversation without something to do: "Alright, well if you're ever looking to do something, give me a ring!" In which case, you've gotten nowhere.
Let me first say that I've lived what I consider to be a pretty good life. I've never been rich, and I spent the first 10 years of my life in a trailer park, but I've always been lucky enough to be surrounded by a drama-less loving family, and good friends.
I had just returned from a deployment, and I got to spend 2 blissfull weeks with my girlfriend before taking a road trip from LA to Ohio with one of my best friends. The night I returned home, my g/f broke up with me, and the next day I took my friend to the airport so he could fly home (8 hour drive). I probably spent the next two weeks or so working on my car after work, or doing other things I really enjoyed doing, when all the sudden it hit me - it felt like a battering ram to the face.
Within about 2 days time, I had gone from a purposeful life, to complete depression. I didn't know what to do, or how to handle it. I quickly realized what was happening, and why: I was lonely.
I had spent a year in a foreign country constantly surrounded by people in small groups: I had been a platoon leader, and each squad in my platoon stayed on a different 'remote' observation post for 2 weeks at a time. Wherever I would go, there was a tight knit group of people who were always excited to see me and talk to me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Very often, it was about what great and exciting things they had done recently, or were planning to do after deployment. Occasionally it was because they needed support for their own struggles in life, and they trusted me enough to tell me their problems, even if they knew that I couldn't offer anything other than empathy. I was also fortunate enough that I could talk to my girlfriend regularly over skype phone calls or yahoo instant messenger video. She gave me unending support and a reason to be excited about returning to life at home, and she never took so much as a penny in return. In effect, I went from being surrounded by people that wanted me to be around them, and talk to them, and guide them, to what felt like complete and total isolation. That year made me addicted to enjoying life with other people, and now I had no one else to relate to.
The very first thing I did, was tell my boss what I was going through. He's an O-5, so he's been around the block a time or two; and you know what, when he came into my office and closed the door, I cried, and he cared.
I also immediately called up every friend I had within half an hour or so of home. I told them I was going through a pretty serious episode of depression, and I needed help. Specifically, I asked them if they could include me/invite me to any activities they were doing. I started talking to friends I had on facebook that I had graduated high school with but hadn't really talked to or seen since, usually through the facebook chat feature, and I ended up making plans with several of them.
Still having a little bit of trouble with filling up my calendar, I fell to the depths of Craigslist Personals, and threw up an ad looking for groups of people doing evening activities. I didn't have anyone email me back saying something like "hey, we have a scrabble group that meets every wednesday" or anything like that, BUT I did have some sweetheart of a person tell me about a website called MeetUp (www.meetup.com). I guess it's kind of a big deal if you live in/near a populated area. I immediately joined about 3 or 4 groups, and about a week later, I went to my first 'meetup' event. The most exciting thing about this 'meetup' was that the people at the events were there for the sole purpose of enjoying themselves around other people. Most of the groups I've associated myself with are social groups, and It's so nice when other people show interest in who you are and what you do because they're actually socially curious. It doesn't hurt that the 'social' groups are 60-75% ladies either; though often married or otherwise 'involved', the deep no-pressure conversations they can have with people they don't know are extremely relaxing. I'm also in a couple of 'outdoor adventures' type groups. Lots of the meetup events are 'free' (it doesnt cost anything to play ultimate frisbee in a local park for example.) I invited my friends to tag along too, and from ice skating to a group dinner at a fancy restaurant, I enjoyed every single event.
I pulled out my calendar, and started writing out what I was doing every day. Within about a week, the calendar was packed with events for 2/3 weeks out. I think at one point, I had planned out every evening (or something each day on the weekends) for the following two weeks straight. I think my own cure to escaping the depression was to always have something to look forward to, and if I didn't have anything to look forward to, I had to make something myself. For example, one Wednesday evening at a Quaker Steak & Lube bike night, I was sitting down eating wings with about 5 other friends. I mentioned offhandedly and almost jokingly to my best friend, sitting across the table, that I should have a cookout at my place. I had never really hosted an event at my house, but I thought it would be fun. He said "when" and still, almost jokingly, I said "let's do it on saturday". He immediately pulled out his phone and started texting about 5 friends. The people around the table all got excited about it too, and I don't know why. Within about 10 minutes, I had 9 guests, to a cookout which was going to happen in 3 days, on July 3rd 2010, without so much as lifting a finger. Didn't these people all already have 4th of July weekend plans? I went home and called a few other people, and got on facebook and invited some more. I went out friday afternoon and picked up some ground chuck (at the meat counter, not the prepackaged ****), hot dogs, good buns, chips, name brand soda in CANS, (because i absolutely recoil when I go to a party/cookout and the drinks are all 2-liter off-brand crap. That **** needs to be reserved for 8-year-old birthday parties), beer (for myself, I announced the party as BYOB), etc. When Saturday rolled around, I had no fewer than 25 people show up at my house. I quickly ran out of good beef, and had to open the pre-pattied stuff that was stocked in the freezer (Note: budget for about 1/2 lb. of beef per adult, and 1/4 lb. per small child, when you buy an 80/20 ground chuck from the grocery.) but everyone had a fantastic time. The cookout officially started at 5. At about 930 the remaining 8 or so guests moved from my garage to my basement and began shooting pool, or sat on the couch to continue talking. I also made a few drinks from my little wet bar that I set up. Waved goodbye to the last 3 friends at about midnight, and went to bed thinking about how I'm going to improve things next time I throw a cookout.
So from a depressed state to enjoying life again, it's been a real turn-around for me. I know I've got a few luxuries that I talked about in regards to my cookout that some won't have. If you want to throw a party, but you're limited by an apartment/condo, then maybe a friend wouldn't mind you hosting a party out of his place. The best thing to do first, though, is to start small. Find your friends and plan things to do. Dinner with an old friend at a casual restaurant is a fantastic start, but call them up and invite them to a plan: "Hey, come out to Applebee's with me on Thursday, does 6:30 work for you? Can your girlfriend make it out too? I haven't met her." If you call a friend, and don't have something to do: "Hey, do you want to get together sometime?" then you're likely to end the conversation without something to do: "Alright, well if you're ever looking to do something, give me a ring!" In which case, you've gotten nowhere.
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08-02-2010, 10:35 PM
#40
Senior Member
iTrader: (14)
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Tinley Park, IL
Posts: 1,482
Total Cats: 0
I'm really glad you started this thread, WonTon. I've had a lot of things bottled up for a long time and it feels good to get them out in the open. It feels like a little weight has come off my shoulders. It's very admirable that so many have posted honestly and have contributed some of their life experiences.
It's good to get a chance to see life through a different set of eyes. Not many people get a opportunity to, I would imagine. I think we will all grow a little and be better for it. It's made me somewhat introspective. Maybe I can use it to polish up a few of the rough edges further still and make it easier to live with some of skeletons in my closet.
Some things can't be changed but can be made a bit more bearable. Thanks guys.
It's good to get a chance to see life through a different set of eyes. Not many people get a opportunity to, I would imagine. I think we will all grow a little and be better for it. It's made me somewhat introspective. Maybe I can use it to polish up a few of the rough edges further still and make it easier to live with some of skeletons in my closet.
Some things can't be changed but can be made a bit more bearable. Thanks guys.
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