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A few words on cheese...
Of late, I've been trying to lose a little weight. That picture which I recently posted of myself standing over the engine in my build thread was kind of a wake-up call. It was, I think, the six months I spent in Manhattan last year that did it. Even though I was on my feet all day, we ate like gods every evening and drank an ocean of good beer.
At any rate, things need to change a bit. Nothing over-the-top like crash diet plans, vegetarianism or workout regimes- I'm far too lazy and undisciplined to sustain that sort of lifestyle change for any length of time; I know I wouldn't last. So instead, I decided just to make little incremental changes- things like reducing portion sizes a tad, mixing my rum with diet Coke (actually diet Pepsi- diet Coke turned out to suck), and bringing simple meals to the office for lunch rather than running across the street to one of the fast food joints every day. Now, one thing which I do happen to enjoy quite a lot is a good sandwich in the evening. Sliced turkey or pork, loads of diced onion and crushed garlic, and two slices of Havarti on coarse-grained bread, grilled on a sandwich press until blackened. Utter heaven. Seriously, giving up this habit would be a major quality-of-life issue for me. I recently quit smoking (going on 3 months now) and I don't think I could bear to part with another vice just at the moment. I will diverge here for a moment to air a grievance concerning sandwich presses in this country. The recent popularity of Panini-style sandwiches in the US over the past few years has planted in the minds of most Americans the notion that the grilled Panini is prepared upon a ribbed press, which imparts unto the sandwich a peculiar and distinctive striped pattern, and also a uniquely rough texture which I cannot quite put into words. This is bullshit. An authentic western-European style sandwich press uses flat plates. It also has a simple but very effective articulated hinge which allows the press to accommodate sandwiches of any thickness while permitting the grilling plates to remain parallel, which prevents the sandwich from being flattened unevenly. These crappy units that I see everywhere from discount stores to trendy upscale restaurants would make my dear Abuela turn in her grave if she ever saw them. (Fortunately, Wal-Mart had not yet made it to to Hato Rey, PR at the time of her death.) They might be good enough for a washed-out former heavyweight boxer to drain all of the moisture out of his hamburgers with, but if you want to experience a proper grilled sandwich, you need the right tool for the job. Several years ago, while on an assignment in Teaneck, NJ, I finally found a unit which I judged to be of comparable quality to those which I remembered seeing in the various Perez family kitchens as a child. It is made by Breville (ironically, an Australian company) and cost $90. It is worth every penny. Sadly, I have found it quite impossible to procure proper Cuban bread in southern California, however that is a subject best left to a separate rant. Now, to return to the matter at hand. This evening after work, I was at the supermarket, and one of the items which I needed was cheese. I typically buy the Primo Taglio brand, which despite being the Vons' house brand, is actually rather richer and creamier than Boar's Head or any of the other common name-brands. It is, quite frankly, the best Havarti I have ever found outside of a proper artisan creamery or NY delicatessen. And as it happened, the deli counter at Vons was completely out. The woman behind the counter rather apologetically suggested that they had some O-Organic brand prepackaged Havarti over in the general dairy section. Well, what the hell. I trundled over to that aisle and pulled a pack off the shelf. Apropos of nothing, I flipped the package over and happened to note on the nutritional label that this cheese contained 120 calories per slice, and the slices were considerably thinner and narrower than the ones I typically get at the deli counter. (I like my Havarti really thick. 3mm per slice or so.) This gave me a moment of pause. That's probably 300-400 calories surplus in an evening the way I make a sandwich. Surely there must be a better way. So I started browsing around the other prepackaged cheeses and cheese-like products. And I happened to land on Kraft Singles brand American-style artificially flavored nonfat pasteurized prepared cheese product. (I'm copying this straight off the label.) Ok, I know. This is probably a mistake. But I looked at the back and, hell, 25 calories per slice?! Ok, so the slices aren't quite as large and thick as I'm accustomed to, but hey, that's actually my whole plan to begin with. So I picked up a pack and tossed it in the basket. Let me be clear: I went into this with reduced expectations. I knew that this probably represented a step down in quality, but small sacrifices are the name of the game here. I was not prepared for what happened. This product is completely and totally unfit for retail consumer sale. First off, it liquefies when you heat it. I don't mean that it goes all gooey like Velveeta, it actually turns into a nearly water-like consistency! In other words, I opened the sandwich press to retrieve my bounty and found a nicely blackened sandwich standing in the middle of an ORANGE PUDDLE. (deep breath) Ok, I can do this. It's for a good cause. I retrieve the sandwich from the press and flip it onto a plate, being careful not to slosh too much artificially flavored pasteurized prepared cheese product around in the process. I let it cool for a few minutes while sipping my Rum and Diet Pepsi (admittedly, I'm doing OK with that one) and finally pick up the sandwich and take a bite. Now, I consider myself a reasonably well-educated and intelligent person. I'm no Henry David Thoreau, but I did go to college, got reasonably good marks, I read quite a lot, and I've been known to compose the occasional scholarly paper in the course of my employment. And yet I find myself utterly unable to describe the horribleness of this gustatory sensation. I simply lack the proper vocabulary for the task. Honestly, there is not a single experience familiar to me with which I can compare the flavor of this product. I doubt rather seriously, in fact, whether there exists within the English language an adjective of sufficient fervency to convey the opprobrium which I harbor towards this product. Perhaps if I were fluent in Arabic I would be able to put into words the sheer magnitude of the contempt which I feel right now (the Arabic people, as a broad generalization, seem to possess a particularly refined aptitude for hating things), though of course only Kotomile would understand. I imagine that if one were to collect the sweat from ten thousand Bedouin gypsys' ballsacks into a large basin, add a few drops of the pus from a gangrenous wound, allow a camel to bathe in the resultant broth and then, after it was done, jump in yourself and fart copiously into it at great length, and only then add some yellow food coloring and artificial cheese flavor, that one might then begin to approach the horribleness of this food-like product. Honestly, I just cannot imagine how the various layers of management, QA, marketing and product qualification which I imagine to exist at such a corporate entity as Kraft Foods would have permitted such a blight to find its way into production. I would stake that if they have ever had but a single repeat customer for this particular item... well, I don't even know how to finish that sentence. I scoured the packaging, looking for the smallest print which might indicate "satisfaction guaranteed" or some such nonsense. Hell, I didn't even bother writing to Minute Maid to inform them that, speaking from the perspective of someone who grew up in an environment where there were always orange trees in the back yard, their orange juice is nothing at all like "eating a fresh, ripe orange." But this blight on the culinary landscape simply cannot be afforded to remain unchecked. |
Too long did not listen.
Cheese can be cheesy |
TL;DR I'm drunk and want cheese too. Will read when able, I always enjoy a good JP post, he is my favourite author.
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Did you take the plastic off?
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When I was back at school full time I lost about 50lbs in right around 9 months by just cutting back on portion size, and eating almost nothing but fresh, home made foods, nothing processed. Now that I have been back to work for a few months I have had to maintain my weight with as little effort as possible. I stick with Boston Market microwave meals, which are damn tasty and decently low in calories, depending on the meal. All are ~1lb of food for $3, and the meals like Salisbury Steak (which is the highest calories one I have found) is approx. 600 calories, and the Chicken Primavera which is also damn good is only like 350 calories. Up in the number for some, but for me only 1/3 of the calorie limit I have allowed myself. I don't get to eat breakfast since I wake up at 3pm and go in to work at 6, so I just eat one of those for lunch at 7, then eat a small meal or snack when I get home and have been able to maintain my weight just fine. I could easily still be losing weight with a little self control, but I'm already in my target weight loss area, so I'm not too worried.
PS, I put calories WAY above fat or carbs, like some people "diet". It takes roughly 3500 calories surplus to make a pound of fat, so even going over 500 a day means in 7 days you have gained a pound of fat. Actual fat amounts in food however are typically very low in comparison, only grams or tens of grams, and it takes 450 grams to make a pound, so I put their importance much lower on the scale, they add up slower. So cut calories, and the weight WILL come off. Now that I have said that, I have no idea what this thread is actually about, the post was too long to read. :giggle: |
I honestly think that was the longest post I have ever read on this forum from start to finish. Ive no input here, just sharing that I read the whole thing, and Eel for you. BTW, I'm5'10 and check in at 123lb so I eat what I want when I want and don't worry about it.
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NEVER buy cheese food, cheese product or the like. Only cheese. Not 'made with', as that is only distantly related to real cheese. It is retail code speak labeling for congealed oil. It is nasty, as you discovered.
Very good rant, I give it a A-. Minor loss of points for lack of venom, but bonus points for vivid descriptions. |
Joe never fails to deliver an excellent rant about things we encounter in everyday life. Good read
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Good read, good chuckles as always.
I can't even imagine you, with the care I'm sure you take in preparing everything from paninis to daughterboards, actually placing one of the slices on something you planned to consume. I'm a bit of a cheese freak, and avoided anything that even resembled a Kraft slice of "American" cheese. As an American, this is the only thing (besides the cast of characters in both Hollywood and Washington D.C.) that causes me shame when abroad....knowing that many must make that one-time purchase of this horrid product, and assume that we know NOTHING about cheese. On the sandwich press: http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/prod...383103&RN=692& I scored this one for something ridiculous at Bed, Bath and Beyond while looking for a remote control that could skip through my wife's nags. Once you're on their mailing list you get a 20% off coupon almost monthly. That combined with it being on sale or mislabeled somehow found it in my home for $45. Does great waffles, grills everything, and the flat plates are impressive for both pancakes and other breakfast, and of course sandwiches. Proper hinges, three sets of removable plates for cleaning. I'm also cutting calories. Eating foods you like, with high fat content, will satiate your appetite, which is what causes you to overeat. You can easily due this while cutting down on actual calories, which as our pedophile friend pointed out are what really pack on the weight. Fat or carbs, the actual calorie is the measure of thermal energy you are providing your body. Just like any other system, if IN - OUT > 0 there will be stored energy. Once you get good at that, then you can start looking for "good" fats and carbs. The one substance I've been paying close attention to recently after much reading is HFCS...the highly subsidized sweetener propped up by outdated sugar levies, supported by corn lobbyists, which can affect insulin levels and is not a form of sugar our bodies have yet acclimated to processing. I'll let you come to your own conclusions after some research, but cutting back on the "loaded" sodas is the first step, and I commend you. Now go get some real damn cheese. If I ever catch you not in front of the deli counter again I'll chase you around the store with a stick of pepperoni (although you may like that..). |
http://www.boostedmiata.com/gallery2...49-1/henna.jpg
On the back: "Placenta extract is derived from animal placenta." |
I read half and scrolled down and realized it was useless.
Don't stop eating what you love, reduce portions and count calories for the rest of the day. If you do light exercise you can probably afford yourself somewhere in the range of 2k-2200 calories. Sounds like your sandwich is probably around only half of your intake...just be smart with the rest. Also, if you drink soft drinks - stop. |
Thanks for the great read. Cutting out deliciousness to avoid calories is possibly the hardest thing to do.
Not sure if your up for this one or not. But try Veggie cheese, it doesn't melt as easily as the Krap slices and is Soy based. Sprinkle a little bit of oregano on top as well depending on if your Havarti is flavoured or not. Best of luck! |
Originally Posted by Newbsauce
(Post 608218)
I read half and scrolled down and realized it was useless.
Don't stop eating what you love, reduce portions and count calories for the rest of the day. If you do light exercise you can probably afford yourself somewhere in the range of 2k-2200 calories. Sounds like your sandwich is probably around only half of your intake...just be smart with the rest. Also, if you drink soft drinks - stop. I've 40 lbs over the year or so (215 to 174)... I still eat mcdonalds, kfc, quiznos and dunkin donuts often. I had to cut out soda completely (nearly) and use less sugar in my coffee each morning, but I just don't eat as much (read: portion size). I also don't snack as much, don't eat dessert as much, and I still don't excersize I just have a banana in the morning and PB&J for lunch and that's about it. Actually this week I've been doing turkey and gouda sandwiches for lunch. You get used to it after a while and you find yourself satisfied and content with eating less and less glorious amounts of food. Where I used to consume an entire rod of kabob (6 chunks of meat) and a platefull of rice and extra bread, I just now share one "serving" with my wife. Also, I fart less and sit on the john for smaller periods of time...this repulses the wife less and allows me more free time to swoon her. |
I too need to cut down on calorie intake to get down to fighting weight and to gain a little more room in my Sparco Circuit (non-fat) seat. I'm 5'7" 140lbs BTW... Need to get back down to 130 or so.
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Good read as always. Gave me a few laughs.
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Funny, but seriously cheese is just cheese to me. If you're trying to lose weight and flip out about low-fat cheese, I'd hate to see your reaction to something like nutri-system which DOES work.
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Originally Posted by Joe Perez
(Post 608179)
At any rate, things need to change a bit. Nothing over-the-top like crash diet plans, vegetarianism or workout regimes- I'm far too lazy and undisciplined to sustain that sort of lifestyle change for any length of time; I know I wouldn't last. Note that those three factors of diet, calories, and exercise result in gains or losses. Eat a crappy diet and your health and well-being will decrease. Eat too many calories and your weight will increase. Exercise to have a calorie deficit and your weight will decrease and your health may improve as well. For optimal overall well-being, I recommend: First, get your diet straight. Heart disease, cholestrol etc is a bummer. Secondly, start counting and limiting your calories. Yes, you can eat whatever you want under your calorie limit, but it's best to have a healthy diet. Third, start exercising. Even walking a mile burns 100 calories. Exercise can also greatly improve your emotional and mental health. A lot of overeating is caused by emotional or mental stress. Exercise can help you deal and when you feel better, it's easier to have discipline with what you put into your mouth. You can get away without exercising but it really helps a lot, and you can probably find something that is fun to do. Something that you can do to start today is just track your calories eating normally for a couple of days. Then, keep counting and start to restrict your calories slowly. Your diet soda is a good idea but remember that a shot of rum does have 100-150 calories in it so count that too. Good job for starting! |
This reminded me of how I used to split a bagel, lay it open, and then take a string cheese and rip bits off and lay it around each half of the bagel, then microwave it until the cheese was nice and melty. Sometimes I'd put a layer of frozen pepperonis underneath the cheese.
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i decided at some point to start always leaving something on my plate. sometimes it was 2 or 3 bites of a sandwich, sometimes a handful of french fries, etc. I also never go back for seconds. eventually, my family learned to stop pushing food on me when they decided "eat that last piece of...", or "what do you want for dessert?" wasnt worth the hell i put them through after they suggested it. also started taking 4 bottles of water to work instead of 4 cans of mountain dew
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Originally Posted by curly
(Post 608206)
Did you take the plastic off?
Originally Posted by caideN
(Post 608183)
Too long did not listen.
And BannedUser is banned. :giggle:
Originally Posted by NA6C-Guy
(Post 608209)
Boston Market microwave meals, which are damn tasty and decently low in calories, depending on the meal.
Originally Posted by KPLAFIN
(Post 608210)
and Eel for you.
Originally Posted by KPLAFIN
(Post 608210)
BTW, I'm5'10 and check in at 123lb so I eat what I want when I want and don't worry about it.
Originally Posted by thagr81 us
(Post 608260)
I'm 5'7" 140lbs BTW... Need to get back down to 130 or so.
(though I must admit, I have no frame of reference for comparing 6'2" / 215 lbs to 5'7" 140 lbs, other than to do it mathematically, which would be that you are 90.5% of my height but only 65% of my weight, so yeah, I guess I can keep on hating you. :D
Originally Posted by gospeed81
(Post 608215)
I can't even imagine you, with the care I'm sure you take in preparing everything from paninis to daughterboards, actually placing one of the slices on something you planned to consume.
I think that there's some sort of triad of food qualities at work here, where a singular exclusion principle defines the inter-relationships between the extent to which any particular food is: 1: Yummy / rancid 2: Healthy & nutritious / unhealthy & fattening 3: Natural / an abomination against nature. Take good cheese, for instance. It is yummy, and it is natural, however it is fattening as hell. Tofu, by comparison, is natural and not terribly bad for you, but it tastes like the package it comes in. Diet Pepsi is tasty, and it's calorie-free, however I'm pretty sure it doesn't contain a single ingredient which can be found in nature. Even the water in it is probably synthesized from petrochemical byproducts. I believe a Venn diagram is in order... What can possibly fill that missing segment of perfect overlap? http://img02.imagefra.me/img/img02/8...lm_1107992.gif Synthacheese is neither yummy nor natural, so it occupies basically the same level of prestige as a chicken nugget.
Originally Posted by gospeed81
(Post 608215)
I'm a bit of a cheese freak, and avoided anything that even resembled a Kraft slice of "American" cheese. As an American, this is the only thing (besides the cast of characters in both Hollywood and Washington D.C.) that causes me shame when abroad....knowing that many must make that one-time purchase of this horrid product, and assume that we know NOTHING about cheese.
Originally Posted by gospeed81
(Post 608215)
Originally Posted by Preluding
(Post 608224)
Not sure if your up for this one or not. But try Veggie cheese, it doesn't melt as easily as the Krap slices and is Soy based.
Originally Posted by ThatGuy85
(Post 608314)
Funny, but seriously cheese is just cheese to me. If you're trying to lose weight and flip out about low-fat cheese, I'd hate to see your reaction to something like nutri-system
Originally Posted by faeflora
(Post 608400)
remember that a shot of rum does have 100-150 calories in it so count that too.
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im pretty sad i didn't get quoted...
im eating muenster cheese right this very second too. |
I'm 6'1", 194 lbs, down from 206 about a year ago. My 3 big changes were:
Nonfat Yogurt + an apple(or other fruit) for breakfast. No more cookies at lunch or afternoon snacks. Changed my workout routine to 2 days aerobic, 2 days mixed aerobic/anaerobic every week(my old high school hockey program). I also try not to completely gorge myself every night, usually successful. The real suck there was giving up all the wonderful breakfasts like double-egg, ham and cheese sandwiches, grilled bagels with cream cheese, pastries, etc. I was working out anyway, just started doing a better job of it. The downside is that results are very slow in coming - literally about 1#/month. The upside is that except for the womanly breakfasts, I can pretty much eat what I want. Also, this has become a regular part of my life, so it's not a hassle anymore - however, it took a few months for it to get that way. Life already sucks too much to give up really good food. I think real Havarti(or emmenthal, or gruyere, or St-Andre, or.....:drool:) is worth a few hundred push-ups. |
I suppose instead of rum you could use a higher-proof alcohol like Everclear, or if you have the hookup, moonshine. A couple shots + one can of diet pepsi and you're set for the whole night.
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I shall do no such thing. I was once exposed to a product of this nature while dining at a friend's house, and it made me want to stab her in the eye. I'd rather eat a bowl of dicks. |
Originally Posted by Joe Perez
(Post 608477)
Yes, I took the damned plastic off.
Originally Posted by Preluding
(Post 608573)
Really, try a different type then.
Mr. Perez, methinks you have met someone who resides quite close to where the Cuban sandwich bread is made fresh daily for most of the local restaurants. Would you like to arrange a special delivery? And proper industrial grade sandwich presses are, of course, a dime a dozen here in The Cigar City, if need ever again arises. I went from 215lbs to 182lbs (6'1") over the course of two years by a loosely adhered-to combination limiting or eliminating evening meals, eating no fried foods for breakfast (low sugar cereal or oatmeal and occasionally adding fruit), and removing carbonated beverages from my diet (except for tonic water for my Beefeater Gin (all other gin sucks)). I also traded the sweet tea for unsweet with lemon squeezed in it. Lately I have been pushing my habits a bit further by three weekdays forcing myself to eat salads with either no meat or grilled meats, non-creamy dressings(vinaigrette) or Beef O' Brady's (local wing chain) sweet jalapeno wing sauce as the dressing. I always get spicy foods and order extra blackening spices on my blackened chicken salads. I use a lot of pepper. I also try to chew more times before swallowing the food so that I start to feel full sooner through the plate than I would otherwise. I think spices make me think I've eaten more, and can cover some of the mediocrity of eating a salad instead of a steak or hot wings. BTW- a fellow just yesterday was raving about battered deep fried cheese curds. He was from Wisconsin and was amazed that they weren't a staple of our bar food regimen. He must have raved for twenty minutes. I'll have to try them. |
Beware people telling you of their favorite bar food. A man once told me about the wonders of cajun boiled peanuts and convinced me to try them. I severely regretted it.
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Originally Posted by Joe Perez
(Post 608179)
Of late, I've been trying to lose a little weight. That picture which I recently posted of myself standing over the engine in my build thread was kind of a wake-up call. It was, I think, the six months I spent in Manhattan last year that did it. Even though I was on my feet all day, we ate like gods every evening and drank an ocean of good beer.
At any rate, things need to change a bit. Nothing over-the-top like crash diet plans, vegetarianism or workout regimes- I'm far too lazy and undisciplined to sustain that sort of lifestyle change for any length of time; I know I wouldn't last. So instead, I decided just to make little incremental changes- things like reducing portion sizes a tad, mixing my rum with diet Coke (actually diet Pepsi- diet Coke turned out to suck), and bringing simple meals to the office for lunch rather than running across the street to one of the fast food joints every day. Now, one thing which I do happen to enjoy quite a lot is a good sandwich in the evening. Sliced turkey or pork, loads of diced onion and crushed garlic, and two slices of Havarti on coarse-grained bread, grilled on a sandwich press until blackened. Utter heaven. Seriously, giving up this habit would be a major quality-of-life issue for me. I recently quit smoking (going on 3 months now) and I don't think I could bear to part with another vice just at the moment. I will diverge here for a moment to air a grievance concerning sandwich presses in this country. The recent popularity of Panini-style sandwiches in the US over the past few years has planted in the minds of most Americans the notion that the grilled Panini is prepared upon a ribbed press, which imparts unto the sandwich a peculiar and distinctive striped pattern, and also a uniquely rough texture which I cannot quite put into words. This is bullshit. An authentic western-European style sandwich press uses flat plates. It also has a simple but very effective articulated hinge which allows the press to accommodate sandwiches of any thickness while permitting the grilling plates to remain parallel, which prevents the sandwich from being flattened unevenly. These crappy units that I see everywhere from discount stores to trendy upscale restaurants would make my dear Abuela turn in her grave if she ever saw them. (Fortunately, Wal-Mart had not yet made it to to Hato Rey, PR at the time of her death.) They might be good enough for a washed-out former heavyweight boxer to drain all of the moisture out of his hamburgers with, but if you want to experience a proper grilled sandwich, you need the right tool for the job. Several years ago, while on an assignment in Teaneck, NJ, I finally found a unit which I judged to be of comparable quality to those which I remembered seeing in the various Perez family kitchens as a child. It is made by Breville (ironically, an Australian company) and cost $90. It is worth every penny. Sadly, I have found it quite impossible to procure proper Cuban bread in southern California, however that is a subject best left to a separate rant. Now, to return to the matter at hand. This evening after work, I was at the supermarket, and one of the items which I needed was cheese. I typically buy the Primo Taglio brand, which despite being the Vons' house brand, is actually rather richer and creamier than Boar's Head or any of the other common name-brands. It is, quite frankly, the best Havarti I have ever found outside of a proper artisan creamery or NY delicatessen. And as it happened, the deli counter at Vons was completely out. The woman behind the counter rather apologetically suggested that they had some O-Organic brand prepackaged Havarti over in the general dairy section. Well, what the hell. I trundled over to that aisle and pulled a pack off the shelf. Apropos of nothing, I flipped the package over and happened to note on the nutritional label that this cheese contained 120 calories per slice, and the slices were considerably thinner and narrower than the ones I typically get at the deli counter. (I like my Havarti really thick. 3mm per slice or so.) This gave me a moment of pause. That's probably 300-400 calories surplus in an evening the way I make a sandwich. Surely there must be a better way. So I started browsing around the other prepackaged cheeses and cheese-like products. And I happened to land on Kraft Singles brand American-style artificially flavored nonfat pasteurized prepared cheese product. (I'm copying this straight off the label.) Ok, I know. This is probably a mistake. But I looked at the back and, hell, 25 calories per slice?! Ok, so the slices aren't quite as large and thick as I'm accustomed to, but hey, that's actually my whole plan to begin with. So I picked up a pack and tossed it in the basket. Let me be clear: I went into this with reduced expectations. I knew that this probably represented a step down in quality, but small sacrifices are the name of the game here. I was not prepared for what happened. This product is completely and totally unfit for retail consumer sale. First off, it liquefies when you heat it. I don't mean that it goes all gooey like Velveeta, it actually turns into a nearly water-like consistency! In other words, I opened the sandwich press to retrieve my bounty and found a nicely blackened sandwich standing in the middle of an ORANGE PUDDLE. (deep breath) Ok, I can do this. It's for a good cause. I retrieve the sandwich from the press and flip it onto a plate, being careful not to slosh too much artificially flavored pasteurized prepared cheese product around in the process. I let it cool for a few minutes while sipping my Rum and Diet Pepsi (admittedly, I'm doing OK with that one) and finally pick up the sandwich and take a bite. Now, I consider myself a reasonably well-educated and intelligent person. I'm no Henry David Thoreau, but I did go to college, got reasonably good marks, I read quite a lot, and I've been known to compose the occasional scholarly paper in the course of my employment. And yet I find myself utterly unable to describe the horribleness of this gustatory sensation. I simply lack the proper vocabulary for the task. Honestly, there is not a single experience familiar to me with which I can compare the flavor of this product. I doubt rather seriously, in fact, whether there exists within the English language an adjective of sufficient fervency to convey the opprobrium which I harbor towards this product. Perhaps if I were fluent in Arabic I would be able to put into words the sheer magnitude of the contempt which I feel right now (the Arabic people, as a broad generalization, seem to possess a particularly refined aptitude for hating things), though of course only Kotomile would understand. I imagine that if one were to collect the sweat from ten thousand Bedouin gypsys' ballsacks into a large basin, add a few drops of the pus from a gangrenous wound, allow a camel to bathe in the resultant broth and then, after it was done, jump in yourself and fart copiously into it at great length, and only then add some yellow food coloring and artificial cheese flavor, that one might then begin to approach the horribleness of this food-like product. Honestly, I just cannot imagine how the various layers of management, QA, marketing and product qualification which I imagine to exist at such a corporate entity as Kraft Foods would have permitted such a blight to find its way into production. I would stake that if they have ever had but a single repeat customer for this particular item... well, I don't even know how to finish that sentence. I scoured the packaging, looking for the smallest print which might indicate "satisfaction guaranteed" or some such nonsense. Hell, I didn't even bother writing to Minute Maid to inform them that, speaking from the perspective of someone who grew up in an environment where there were always orange trees in the back yard, their orange juice is nothing at all like "eating a fresh, ripe orange." But this blight on the culinary landscape simply cannot be afforded to remain unchecked. Here is what you do. Get a laptop and put it on a treadmill. Keep writing threads like that and be one slim and trim M***** F*****. |
Joe, first off, Miataturbo.net is not a nutrition site. The information you get here is all worthless (I'm rounding up from 99.9%). Get the fuck off this forum to figure this out.
Second, the critical thing about human dietary needs is that (and I will bold this): The human body requires nutritional value AND caloric intake That is to say that eating purely calories will not satisfy your hunger and you will want more. But if you eat a nutritionally rich meal (dark leafy greens, high protein meats, fruits, berries, nuts, etc) then your body will get the valuables it needs to keep functioning and not be so hungry. If you eat nutritionally empty crap like carby carb-carb foods or cheap meats, your body will still hunger for them. You'll go back for more shitty food (mcdonalds?) and the cycle repeats until you're fat and almost get what you need to survive. It's really not that complicated and can be done with a few simple ideas.
I've been trying to "diet without dieting" for a while now. It helps to have a fiancee who works on food production. And getting into some habits that prevent you from eating bad stuff really makes a difference. I used to be like anyone and gorge myself on chili-cheese dogs 3-at-a-time when my metabolism was better, but it doesn't last (I'm looking at you KPLAFIN). Honestly I dont miss the junk food now that I'm not surrounded by it or eating it regularly. I still get the occasional Arby's Beef 'n Cheddar, but now it's just one and just once in a while. |
Originally Posted by miata2fast
(Post 608653)
Jesus Christ Joe!
Here is what you do. Get a laptop and put it on a treadmill. Keep writing threads like that and be one slim and trim M***** F*****. Nice thread Joe. I quit smoking almost 4 years ago, good for you. |
Originally Posted by jayc72
(Post 608665)
We can say Mother Fucker here, mother fucker.
Asshole. :makeout: |
I like some of your ideas, y8s. Will use...
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Originally Posted by y8s
(Post 608663)
Joe, first off, Miataturbo.net is not a nutrition site. The information you get here is all worthless (I'm rounding up from 99.9%). Get the fuck off this forum to figure this out.
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Originally Posted by Joe Perez
(Post 608692)
Hahaha. Heck, I only came in here to pen a good, solid rant, as it had been a while since I'd sat down and authored a really proper complaint.
kraft singles only belong on aforementioned chili cheese dogs. |
Originally Posted by Braineack
(Post 608499)
im pretty sad i didn't get quoted...
Although after y8s' post you'll most likely ignore me, I just wanted to say that the calorie counting is essentially what Weight Watchers is. As NA6C-guy said, fat content doesn't matter quite as much, but what WW did was make a simple formula to consider calories #1, total fat content #2, and trans fat content #3, and then assign a point value. They have a nifty slide calculator like you get when you learn about your company's 401k plan. Not that you need to join them and pay them $20 to go to a meeting of insecure women every month (god I hope my girlfriend doesn't read this), but you can at least get a hold of their formula easily and use it to help include counting the fat content. Their freezer meals are also cheap, and list the point value in the corner of the box, easily readable since you don't have to pick it up and look at the back of the box. On a side note, if you lower your standards just a bit, you can use the previously mentioned WW freezed food section to pick up previously mentioned insecure women. Caution: look before you cross. |
Originally Posted by sixshooter
(Post 608626)
BTW- a fellow just yesterday was raving about battered deep fried cheese curds. He was from Wisconsin and was amazed that they weren't a staple of our bar food regimen. He must have raved for twenty minutes. I'll have to try them.
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Originally Posted by y8s
(Post 608663)
Joe, first off, Miataturbo.net is not a nutrition site. The information you get here is all worthless (I'm rounding up from 99.9%). Get the fuck off this forum to figure this out.
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I was up to 235 from my, comfortable, 185. Last week, I decided to stop drinking and I've lost 5 lbs. right off the bat. When class starts again, I'll be hitting the gym pretty hard. Ironically enough, it's going to take me moving into my fraternity house to get my shit together.
I decided to start boxing again, shit, three years ago now and dropped 40 lbs in a month in a half by just biking 15 miles every day and 48 miles on Fridays. I got down to 180 but got distracted an never went into the gym. It's taken three years of drinking excessively, smoking almost two packs a day and gorging myself on shitty food to get up to my all-time high of 235. Oh shitty lifestyle, how I'll miss thee: http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-..._5777662_n.jpg |
BREAKFAST-
12 oz fat free skim milk 2 scoops of quality protein powder 1 table spoon of NATURAL peanut butter 1 banana All blended together, if I don't have banana's then i have 1 slice of low cab whole wheat bread MID MORNING- 24 almonds 1 small pure protein bar 8oz water LUNCH- 1 cat of tune in water 1 cup of brown rice I still need to add a vegetable 8oz of water LATE AFTERNOON- 2 scoops of quality protein in 12oz of water PRE WORK OUT- Either 1 scoop of NO SHOTGON or 1 scoop of 1MR (which ever I remember to bring) with 8oz of water POST WORK OUT- 1 scoop of quality protein in 8oz water DINNER- 6-8oz of 1 of the following Chicken breast (organic) Turkey breast (organic) Salmon (careful what you buy here, you don't want farm raised or imported) Lean steak or Lean beef NO PORK, EVER! One of those with either a cup of spinach, broccoli or a good salad and of course water!. EVENING SNACK- 1 sugar free Jell-o or 1/2 a cup of fat-free cottage cheese. RIGHT BEFORE BED- 1 scoop of quality protein n 8oz of water That's my daily meal plan. I'm sure I stick to it more than 90% of the time. I have a cheat meal here and there. Scott just recently put me onto Chipolte, so if I do eat out for lunch that's where I will go. Oh, I'm 5'8" and I've dropped from 208 to 182 lbs. __________________ Best Car Insurance | Auto Protection Today | FREE Trade-In Quote |
You count your almonds!?!
Also- Skippy Natural peanut butter is BA. No mixing, no dry bottom half, no gagging as you eat it. |
Originally Posted by chpmnsws6
(Post 608811)
You count your almonds!?!
Also- Skippy Natural peanut butter is BA. No mixing, no dry bottom half, no gagging as you eat it. 1oz of almonds is about 24, so yeah I count them lol. I've been buying the Smuckers, it doesn't taste that great but since I mix it in my shake it doesn't bother me. I'll look for the Skippy though. __________________ Best Car Insurance | Auto Protection Today | FREE Trade-In Quote |
Allright, enough with counting fucking almonds. I am going to ban the next person who counts a nut, regardless of whether you post about it or not. We have ways of knowing these things. :D
I honestly intended this thread to just be one of my usual Hooveresque rants about the very trivial, of which I hadn't had one in a while, and now y'all actually have me taking it seriously... First off, NA6C-Guy, those Boston Market dinners are actually pretty damned good. Now, on a whim, I decided to quantify the probable effects of the rum & colas which I enjoy so very much in the evening. I made a typical pour into the tumbler, and then drained it into a graduated cylinder. Came in at exactly 80ml, which translates to 2.7 ounces. At 64 calories in an ounce, that's 173 calories in a pour. Who knew that an ounce was such a small quantity of liquid? This is what I get for owning nothing but Japanese and German cars and working in the engineering sector- I don't know shit about SAE units of measurement. At any rate, on a typical evening, I'll generally consume about four of these. That's 692 calories, which is more than a Big Mac, more than a Whopper, more even than the much-vilified KFC Double-Down, and that thing is two pieces of bacon and two slices of cheese-like substance surrounded by two pieces of fried chicken and something rather mysteriously referred to as the Colonel's Sauce. Fuck me... |
You need to make friends with vodka and cranberry juice. It sucks, but its low on the calorie ladder :)
Or just give your liver a fighting chance and lower your risk of pneumonia and can the booze.... Who'm I kidding though, booze is nice! |
Originally Posted by Joe Perez
(Post 608847)
Allright, enough with counting fucking almonds. I am going to ban the next person who counts a nut, regardless of whether you post about it or not. We have ways of knowing these things. :D
I honestly intended this thread to just be one of my usual Hooveresque rants about the very trivial, of which I hadn't had one in a while, and now y'all actually have me taking it seriously... First off, NA6C-Guy, those Boston Market dinners are actually pretty damned good. Now, on a whim, I decided to quantify the probable effects of the rum & colas which I enjoy so very much in the evening. I made a typical pour into the tumbler, and then drained it into a graduated cylinder. Came in at exactly 80ml, which translates to 2.7 ounces. At 64 calories in an ounce, that's 173 calories in a pour. Who knew that an ounce was such a small quantity of liquid? This is what I get for owning nothing but Japanese and German cars and working in the engineering sector- I don't know shit about SAE units of measurement. At any rate, on a typical evening, I'll generally consume about four of these. That's 692 calories, which is more than a Big Mac, more than a Whopper, more even than the much-vilified KFC Double-Down, and that thing is two pieces of bacon and two slices of cheese-like substance surrounded by two pieces of fried chicken and something rather mysteriously referred to as the Colonel's Sauce. Fuck me... Other habits are cheaper though. Like exercise. You know you'd have to walk/run 6 miles to burn that 700 calories right? |
fucking funny post.. excellent writing skills too Joe.
faeflora said it best: - amount of food you eat (intake) - quality of food you eat (octane fuel) - amount of exercise (exhaust) some more tidbits: - eat slower, gives you more time to enjoy your food, feel full, and easier digestion - careful with salt and salty foods. water retentions a bitch hommie - some people have a problem with this as it can very on how you were raised but, i always tend to leave something in my plate. basically, dont over-eat. - if you dont already do so, drink more water. often times we dont drink enough water and then feel hungry. water tends to fill the void - eat more frequently, but smaller portions - easier to digest and easier on keeping your metabolism steady gotta watch out or else its like george lopez says, you'll end up looking like the cool aid guy :-) hey, wheres the pic of you and the fatness? hehe |
fuck cheese.
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Ahem, allow me to orate.
I believe this vicious quandary is more of a reflex to what society has deemed to be the status quo. The emaciated silhouette you long to be would not suit your kingly demeanor. To unnecessarily deprive yourself and curtail your id, itself is an exercise in futility. To abrogate this fine fromage from said culinary masterpiece and yield it's venue to an inferior morsel would be an insult to your palette. To deny this urge, this simple pleasure, would be as if the phoenix denied himself flight. It would be blasphemy. In other words, live life, eat the fucking cheese. |
Originally Posted by lordrigamus
(Post 608863)
Ahem, allow me to orate.
I believe this vicious quandary is more of a reflex to what society has deemed to be the status quo. The emaciated silhouette you long to be would not suit your kingly demeanor. To unnecessarily deprive yourself and curtail your id, itself is an exercise in futility. To abrogate this fine fromage from said culinary masterpiece and yield it's venue to an inferior morsel would be an insult to your palette. To deny this urge, this simple pleasure, would be as if the phoenix denied himself flight. It would be blasphemy. In other words, live life, eat the fucking cheese. viva la calorie http://www.randalls.com/CMS/assets/m...ALL_200832.jpg edit: i took a gander in our fridge and my wife apparently prefers Sargento cheese. one thing that put a smile on my face after reading the package was their slogan of "Our family's passion is CHEESE" - oh boy... how exciting. http://cuisineblog.shorenewsnow.com/...0/Cheese_2.jpg btw, i wont comment on whether or not the cheese is any good. |
Originally Posted by old_s13
(Post 608866)
i wholeheartedly concur with lord rigamus
viva la calorie |
Never would have figured Joe Perez a smoker.
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Originally Posted by lordrigamus
(Post 608863)
Ahem, allow me to orate.
I believe this vicious quandary is more of a reflex to what society has deemed to be the status quo. The emaciated silhouette you long to be would not suit your kingly demeanor. To unnecessarily deprive yourself and curtail your id, itself is an exercise in futility. To abrogate this fine fromage from said culinary masterpiece and yield it's venue to an inferior morsel would be an insult to your palette. To deny this urge, this simple pleasure, would be as if the phoenix denied himself flight. It would be blasphemy. |
Originally Posted by dpexp
(Post 608928)
Never would have figured Joe Perez a smoker.
Congrats on quitting Joe. Right at 5 yrs since I stopped, and I still want to light up again every day. Only time that's never been true has been when I'm in a good daily workout regimen, but those never stick more than a few months. |
I used to drink coffee and smoke. Giving both up has made me hungry, constantly. I have to fight the urge to pig out all day long simply to maintain weight. But if you're gonna eat cheese, you might as well go for the good stuff.
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Originally Posted by miata2fast
(Post 608933)
You guys are sounding like a bunch of God Damn Queers! :vash:
Originally Posted by chpmnsws6
(Post 608891)
In the old days when manual labor was the norm, that could fly. In todays society it does not..... unless you want to be like the fat train wreck I've become... :vash: :facepalm:
best of luck gentlemen, mike / clearcorners.com ps: A very wise friend of mine once said: you dont control the fatness, it controls YOU. |
1 Attachment(s)
All 24 of my nuts all up in some gay Miata owners mouth.
Attachment 195608 __________________ Best Car Insurance | Auto Protection Today | FREE Trade-In Quote |
Originally Posted by lordrigamus
(Post 608863)
Ahem, allow me to orate.
I believe this vicious quandary is more of a reflex to what society has deemed to be the status quo. The emaciated silhouette you long to be would not suit your kingly demeanor. To unnecessarily deprive yourself and curtail your id, itself is an exercise in futility. To abrogate this fine fromage from said culinary masterpiece and yield it's venue to an inferior morsel would be an insult to your palette. To deny this urge, this simple pleasure, would be as if the phoenix denied himself flight. It would be blasphemy. In other words, live life, eat the fucking cheese. when was the last time you saw a king eating a big mac? (kings of burgers and mayors of cheese do not count here) Joe and anyone else: pick up Michael Pollan's books and give them a read. Particularly In Defense of Food, and Food Rules. He's got a pretty good no-nonsense approach to changing your eating habits without making you starve to death. |
"The FDA has America strung out
On drugs in beef no doubt So if you think that what I say is a bunch of crock Tell yourself you're gonna try and stop Eatin meat and you'll see you can't compete It's the number one drug on the street" ah man i just had to post this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKHrmJQVpv8 |
Originally Posted by y8s
(Post 608663)
The human body requires nutritional value AND caloric intake
That is to say that eating purely calories will not satisfy your hunger and you will want more. But if you eat a nutritionally rich meal (dark leafy greens, high protein meats, fruits, berries, nuts, etc) then your body will get the valuables it needs to keep functioning and not be so hungry. If you eat nutritionally empty crap like carby carb-carb foods or cheap meats, your body will still hunger for them. You'll go back for more shitty food (mcdonalds?) and the cycle repeats until you're fat and almost get what you need to survive. It's really not that complicated and can be done with a few simple ideas. [LIST][*]shop at a local farmers market (if you have one) every week. buy your meats and vegetables there. the stuff produced by small time farmers is more nutrient and FLAVOR dense than mass produced food that is designed to sit in a big truck for most of its existence. grass fed beef (or better yet, bison) has a lower fat content, higher omega 3 content, and significantly higher protein content per unit weight than average store-bought meat. if you dont have a farmer's market, go to whole foods and buy their local/organic stuff. [*]eat your carbs in whole grain form. brown rice instead of white. whole wheat instead of wonder bread. [*]dont buy snack foods (crackers, cookies, chips) for your house; buy fruits (fresh or dried) and nuts. [*]drink only water and beer (and the occasional hard liquor if you want). soda does nothing for nobody. if you need soda in your life, make it hard to aquire--get only cane sugar soda or some other weird rule. dont bother with diet soda, just wean yourself. or replace it with fruit juice (not fruit flavored drink!) and club soda if you need fizz. Joe, if you want to improve your longterm health and lose weight, forget all other advice else in this thread except what's above. The American diet is a train wreck. Go back to basics -- high nutrient density foods (loads of veggies & fruits), whole grains, water, (not fruit juice, that's simply sugar without the micronutrients and fiber of the donor fruit). No bullshit processed "foods". Minimize animal proteins. Eat as much of the above as you want. Freaking gorge yourself on them. You'll never have to count calories and you'll lose weight and fortify yourself against cancers like it was your job. Likely the above doesn't sound too appealing at first but you will develop a taste (and a preference) for it. /thread |
Originally Posted by dpexp
(Post 608928)
Never would have figured Joe Perez a smoker.
Jesus Christ, can I have that 5 minutes of my life back? I could take a good dump or something. :laugh: Frank |
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