I wish I could feel drunk all the time...
 

It's Big Lebowski time and I've been slamming Caucasians all afternoon. My neighbor has a little fire-pit going, so I stop by and have a few glasses of Beam to cap off the night. I'm typing as carefully as I can because I'm a nerd, but the truth is that I'm fairy dunk right now. It is Friday after all.
For those of you who think getting married and having kids means the end of fun, then FUCK YOU... you just need to find a woman who is more awesome than you are to have kids with. She's been asleep for hours just in case, and I've been next door pouring Beam over ice cubes.

Now it's sleepy-time.

I'm growing a mullet.

6 shots deep

pregnant wife == designated driver

Pics or ban.

I have a mullet. Business up front, party in the back.

... or you could not get married, in which case being able to have a drink isn't some rare special occasion that you feel the need to brag to your e-friends about.

Just sayin'.

:D

Now you're just bein' mean.

Oh yes, those were the nights. She drives and is horny (because of how pregnant she is) and awesomeness ensues.

Stop, you're poking the baby!

I'm growing a tumor and then I am going to cut it off and fuck it and have a tumor baby and it will get me groceries and then I will eat them both. As a superslut I know said yestrday, "a dog won't suck your dick".

Yes but jerking off with tears of loneliness [as lube] gets old faster than not being able to go out all the time.