Old Jokes, post'em if you got em.
07-05-2012, 11:00 PM
#21
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During the time of the transcontinental railroad construction, a surveyor from Chicago had been dispatched to Colorado to oversee the charting of the Rocky Mountain passage.
After a few days in town, he became aware of a curious lack of women. Walking into the local saloon he asked, "What do you fellas do around here for entertainment?"
"Ya mean women?" asked the local fella. "We ain't got none. 'Round here folks use sheep."
"That's disgusting," said the surveyor. "I've never heard of such moral degradation."
However, after a few months, the surveyor's rocks were beginning to ache and the sheep were looking more and more attractive. So he finally went out and found himself a comely sheep, brought her back to his room, shampooed her, and tied ribbons in her hair. After a bottle of champagne, he lured the sheep into his bedchamber and released his pent-up frustration's.
Afterward, he escorted the sheep to the saloon for a drink. As the man and his woolly mate entered, a hush fell over the patrons and the anxious couple became the object of many stares.
"You bunch of hypocrites!" he yelled. "You've been doing it with sheep for years, but when I do it you look at me like I am some sort of pervert!"
One cowboy in the back of the crowd spoke up and said, "Yeah, but that's the sheriff's gal!"
After a few days in town, he became aware of a curious lack of women. Walking into the local saloon he asked, "What do you fellas do around here for entertainment?"
"Ya mean women?" asked the local fella. "We ain't got none. 'Round here folks use sheep."
"That's disgusting," said the surveyor. "I've never heard of such moral degradation."
However, after a few months, the surveyor's rocks were beginning to ache and the sheep were looking more and more attractive. So he finally went out and found himself a comely sheep, brought her back to his room, shampooed her, and tied ribbons in her hair. After a bottle of champagne, he lured the sheep into his bedchamber and released his pent-up frustration's.
Afterward, he escorted the sheep to the saloon for a drink. As the man and his woolly mate entered, a hush fell over the patrons and the anxious couple became the object of many stares.
"You bunch of hypocrites!" he yelled. "You've been doing it with sheep for years, but when I do it you look at me like I am some sort of pervert!"
One cowboy in the back of the crowd spoke up and said, "Yeah, but that's the sheriff's gal!"
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07-06-2012, 12:19 AM
#22
Apologies...this is how I heard it, now that you mention it. If this still isn't the version you heard please share 
A priest and a rabbi are at the local pool when a group of kids arrives for a swim. The priest says "Man I'd like to screw them", the rabbi replies "Out of what?"
A priest and a rabbi are at the local pool when a group of kids arrives for a swim. The priest says "Man I'd like to screw them", the rabbi replies "Out of what?"
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07-06-2012, 10:11 AM
#24
A mother and her young inquisitive son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the boy dutifully asked the flight attendant, "If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?"
The flight attendant responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?" The little boy admitted that she did. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Now, let your mother explain that to you."
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the boy dutifully asked the flight attendant, "If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?"
The flight attendant responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?" The little boy admitted that she did. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Now, let your mother explain that to you."
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07-06-2012, 10:15 AM
#25
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Apologies...this is how I heard it, now that you mention it. If this still isn't the version you heard please share
A priest and a rabbi are at the local pool when a group of kids arrives for a swim. The priest says "Man I'd like to screw them", the rabbi replies "Out of what?"
A priest and a rabbi are at the local pool when a group of kids arrives for a swim. The priest says "Man I'd like to screw them", the rabbi replies "Out of what?"
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07-07-2012, 01:01 PM
#26
Boost Pope
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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
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07-09-2012, 11:05 AM
#31
A guy walks into a bar and begins talking with his friends. He then walks over to the bartender and makes a bet.
"I bet you $100 I can sit a cup on the bar and pee into it from this barstool without spilling a single drop"
The bartender accepted. The guy pulls out his johnson and begins pissing everywhere, all over the bar and the bartender. The bartender begins laughing uncontrollably. The guy gets up, walks over to his friends, and returns with 100 bucks, smiling as he hands it to the bartender.
The bartender says "You just lost 100 bucks, why are you smiling?"
"Because I just bet my friends 200 bucks that I could **** all over you, and your bar, and you'd laugh about it"
"I bet you $100 I can sit a cup on the bar and pee into it from this barstool without spilling a single drop"
The bartender accepted. The guy pulls out his johnson and begins pissing everywhere, all over the bar and the bartender. The bartender begins laughing uncontrollably. The guy gets up, walks over to his friends, and returns with 100 bucks, smiling as he hands it to the bartender.
The bartender says "You just lost 100 bucks, why are you smiling?"
"Because I just bet my friends 200 bucks that I could **** all over you, and your bar, and you'd laugh about it"
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07-10-2012, 05:34 PM
#32
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A young Indian brave went to see the old chief whose duty it was to give names to all the newborn children, and asked him, "Oh wise chief, tell me, how do you choose the names for the children who are born to the tribe?"
The chief replied: "When a child is born, I go out of my teepee, and the first thing I see, that is what I name the child. When your brother was born, I went outside and saw a mighty eagle high in the sky. So I named him Eagle Flying Over. When your sister was born, in the cold of winter, I came out of my teepee to find the air full of snowflakes, and I named her Snow Gently Falling. That is how I name the children who are born to the tribe. But why are you so interested, Two Dogs Fuсking?"
The chief replied: "When a child is born, I go out of my teepee, and the first thing I see, that is what I name the child. When your brother was born, I went outside and saw a mighty eagle high in the sky. So I named him Eagle Flying Over. When your sister was born, in the cold of winter, I came out of my teepee to find the air full of snowflakes, and I named her Snow Gently Falling. That is how I name the children who are born to the tribe. But why are you so interested, Two Dogs Fuсking?"
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07-10-2012, 05:42 PM
#33
2 Props,3 Dildos,& 1 Cat
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There once was a man from Nantucket
whose dick was so long he could suck it
he said with a grin
as he wiped off his chin
"if my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it"
There once was a man from Racine
who invented a sex machine
both concave and convex
it could serve either sex
and pleasure itself in between.
whose dick was so long he could suck it
he said with a grin
as he wiped off his chin
"if my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it"
There once was a man from Racine
who invented a sex machine
both concave and convex
it could serve either sex
and pleasure itself in between.
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