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Reminds me of the "Pilots vs Engineers Aircraft Reports":
After every flight, pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
S: #2 Propeller seepage normal – #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re for
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
As a software engineer, I can relate to the responses of the maintenance engineers.
A vague problem report with no supporting logs or information is bloody useless in most cases.
I simply respond with "More information required." to these useless Problem Reports - eventually they get it.
Note to noobs: This applies to queries on this forum too.
Welcome to 1999...
Now days the tech would just be fired for being a smartass. Then the plane would be grounded because they 'cant find qualified techs' to work on it.
From the photos, it looks like that tank is about six feet long, and maybe 24" in diameter. (It's French, so I'm sure it's metric, but I'm drunk right now so we're working in Imperial units.)
Surface area on a cylinder is 2(π r^2) + (2 π r)* h, or 5,428 in^2. For the sake of ease, I'll assume that the top and bottom are flat (yes, I know they're not, but it makes the math easier) and call them π r^2, which is 452 in^2 each.
That's 6,332 square inches of surface area. Apply 6,000 PSI to that, and you have a total expansive force of 37,992,000 lbs, or 18,996 tons.
Rather conveniently, the largest ballistic-missile submarine in the US fleet is the Ohio class. This sub has a submerged displacement of 18,750 tons.
(I love it when totally unrelated numbers line up like that.)
So, this French dude is essentially taking the largest submarine ever created by the United States Navy, compressing it down into the size of @hustler's vibrating *****, and then thinking to himself "It would be a good idea for me to sit on top of this, and then unleash its full fury all at once with basically no hope at all of controlling it."
P: Copilot reports altitude hold not working on deck.
S: Replaced co-pilot with known good unit. System works 5x5 airborne.
One I wrote that still gets a laugh:
P: JTIDS power amp non-op. Attempted max troubleshooting and recommended massage techniques, including western, Sweedish, and deep tissue.
S: LT Tanaka on follow-on flight attempted shiatsu-style. Reports system works 5x5.
I still can't get over that French dude who decided that it would be a good idea to strap himself to a bullet and then fire it.
I mean, the math... 38 -=> MILLION <=- pounds of force, pressed directly against your inner thighs.
Certain warnings signs were present...
There is a phrase which we sometimes use in the broadcast business, where we often have to deal with machines capable of producing a megawatt or more of RF output and which happen to incidentally contain a linear accelerator (though these are being phased out in favor of solid-state amps), plus really large diesel generators, UPS batteries that you can literally walk around inside of, and other stuff that you don't commonly see outside of CIA / NSA / Google data-centers.
That phrase is "mechanical anger."
In context, one might say "there's a lot of potential anger in that cable right now." (The cable in question being, for instance, 1" braided steel run through a pulley attached to the top of the Sears Tower, with a multi-ton antenna on one end and a CH-47 helicopter on the other.)
Is one of the technical issues "Who the heck does component-level repair on a modern PC motherboard?"
Sometimes, we all have to make a shameful admission.
Obviously this is more difficult for people like @hustler and @Braineack, who have had to deal with things like rectal impalement and realizing that TV news is about ratings rather than politics (respectively) but every now and then, something comes along which really threatens to disrupt our deeply-seated values.
Like today, for instance, when I walked into the maintenance shop and found one of my guys re-capping a PC motherboard.
Location: Detroit (the part with no rules or laws)
Posts: 5,677
Total Cats: 800
Originally Posted by Joe Perez
Sometimes, we all have to make a shameful admission.
Obviously this is more difficult for people like @hustler and @Braineack, who have had to deal with things like rectal impalement and realizing that TV news is about ratings rather than politics (respectively) but every now and then, something comes along which really threatens to disrupt our deeply-seated values.
Like today, for instance, when I walked into the maintenance shop and found one of my guys re-capping a PC motherboard.
The email I had to send my IT department who insists on "repairing" my PC instead of just imaging and sending me a new one. Amazing how I can drop 2k on a PLC card which I suspect is bad without even thinking but getting a new $200 PC is like pulling teeth.
The email I had to send my IT department who insists on "repairing" my PC instead of just imaging and sending me a new one. Amazing how I can drop 2k on a PLC card which I suspect is bad without even thinking but getting a new $200 PC is like pulling teeth.
To be fair, I'm employing a bit of hyperbole here.
My standing order for PCs is that if they so much as think about blue-screening, they go into the storage container located outside of the building. The big brown one with "Totally not affiliated with the mafia in any way Waste & Recycling" printed on the side.
Sadly, though, we do still have a lot of systems online which depend on antiquated technology.
So, when it's a motherboard that has sixteen ISA slots on it, I don't bitch. I just kind of shake my head in disgrace and move on.
01-11-2019, 09:44 PM
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