Read this - Funny school assignment.
Prof. Miller's In-class Assignment for Wednesday.
Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? "Well, today we will experiment with a new form called the 'tandem story'. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached." The following was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca (last name deleted), and Gary (last name deleted). THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question. (second paragraph by Gary) Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,....", he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit. (Rebecca) He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully. (Gary) Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!" (Rebecca) This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent. (Gary) Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of f*****g TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels." (Rebecca) Asshole. (Gary) Bitch. (TEACHER) A+ - I really liked this one. Only group to get an A |
That has got to be the coolest thing I've ever read
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You can has Tea and Space Travel!
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Hilarious. Def. A-class stuff. And I **may** just have found their pictures online:
http://toyota.typepad.com/photos/unc...uttleowner.jpg http://p10.hostingprod.com/@spyblog...._a_few_300.jpg |
I love it so much.
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Double true.
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HA. None of my teachers at poly were that cool :(
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Originally Posted by ctxspy
(Post 397401)
HA. None of my teachers at poly were that cool :(
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wow, a post by sam that didn't suck. shocking.
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the lamest of all polys. I'll let you guess which. Here's a hint. It's no longer even poly. It's now NYU :'-(
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That's a pretty old one. The story was written on a sheet of paper passed back and forth when I first read it, before anybody knew what email was.
Sam, you prompted me to dig out a few oldies from my archive. I think these go back to the mid-late 80's or so, though the filedates mostly say Feb '91, which would have been about when I transferred a lot of my old archives from Amiga floppies to the PC's hard drive. They're all ASCII-formatted, so we'll see how well they translate over. First one. The Final Exam Instructions: Read each question thoroughly. Answer all questions. Time limit - four hours. Begin immediately. History Describe the history of the Papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrate specifically but not exclusively, on the social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America and Africa. Be concise and specific. Literature Compose an epic poem based on the events of your own life in which you see and footnote allusions from T.S. Eliot, Keats, Chaucer, Dante, Norse mythology and the Marx brothers. Critique your poem with a full discussion of its metrics. Music Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate it and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat. Art Explain Mona Lisa's smile. Religion Assuming the Judeo-Christian moral structure, take the stand for Adam and Eve, and the eating of the forbidden fruit. Explain your position fully to a Chassidic Rabbi, and answer his arguments. An Anglican bishop will moderate this debate. Logic Using accepted methodology prove all four of the following That the universe is infinite; that truth is beauty; that there is not a little person who turns off the light in the refrigerator when you close the door, and that you are the person taking this exam. Now disprove all of the above. Philosophy Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought. Epistemology Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your position. Medicine You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your own appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have fifteen minutes. Biology Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed five hundred years earlier, with special attention to the probable effects on the English Parliamentary system. Prove your thesis. Psychology Employing principles from the major schools of psychoanalytic thought, successfully subject yourself to analysis. Make appropriate personality changes, bill yourself and fill out all medical insurance forms. Now do the same to the person seated to your immediate left. Also, based on your degree of knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following Alexander of Aphrodisias, Rameses II, Gregory of Nicea, Hammurabi. Support your evaluations with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate. Sociology Estimate the sociological problems that might accompany the end of the world. Show how the boy meets girl theory developed. Construct and experiment to test your theory. Economics Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible effects of you plan in the following areas Cubism, the Donatist controversy, the wave theory of light. Outline a method from all points of view. Point out deficiencies in your argument as demonstrated in your answer to the last question. Computer Science Define computer. Define Science. How do they relate? Why? Create a generalized algorithm to optimize all computer decisions. Assuming an 1130 CPU supporting 50 terminals, each terminal to activate your algorithm, design the communications to interface and all the necessary control programs. Management Science Define Management. Define Science. How do they relate? Why? Create a generalized algorithm to optimize all managerial decisions. Assuming an 1130 CPU supporting 50 terminals, each terminal to activate your algorithm; design the communications interface and all necessary control programs. Public Speaking 2,500 riot-crazed students are storming the auditorium. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek. Physics Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science. Modern Physics Disprove Einstein's Theory of Relativity. Construct an experiment to prove your position. Engineering The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In ten minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel is appropraite. Be prepared to justify your decision. Agricultural Science Outline the steps involved in breeding your own super high yield, all weather hybrid strain of wheat. Describe its chemical and physical properties and estimate its impact on world food supplies. Construct a model for dealing with world-wide surpluses. Write your Nobel Prize acceptance speech. Comprehension Three minute time test. Read everything before doing anything. Put your name in the upper right hand corner of this page. Circle the word name in sentence three. Sign your name under the title of this paper, after the title write yes, yes, yes. Put an X in the lower left hand corner of this paper. Draw a triangle around the X you just put down. On the back of this paper multiply 703x668. Loudly call out your name when you get to this point. If you think you have followed directions carefully to this point call out "I have." Punch three small holes in the top of this paper. If you are the first person to get this far, call out "I am the first person to this point, I am leading in following directions." On the reverse side of this paper add 8950 and 9850. Put a circle around your answer and put a square around the circle. Now that you have finished reading carefully, do only sentence two. Political Science There is a red telephone on the desk behind you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any. Jurisprudence In Part 2 of Shakespeare's "Henry VI", Jack Cade, the leader of the Populist revolt, proposes that the first order of business following a successful coup d'e'tat could be to "kill all the lawyers". In light of the present populist mood in the United States, assess the utility and any potential impact of such a policy today. Foreign Affairs It has recently been suggested (especially after Black Monday) that only a foreign war can restore America's lost national consensus. Propose the ideal opponent(s) for the US in such a war, and how the conflict might be engineered so that US would seem not to be the aggressor in the situation. Discuss the pros and cons. Mathematics Give today's date, in metric. Chemistry Transform lead into gold. You will find a tripod and three logs under your seat. Show all work including Feynman diagrams and quantum functions for all steps. You have fifteen minutes. General Knowledge Describe in detail. Be concise and specific. Extra Credit Define the Universe. Give two examples. |
The story around Harvard was that there was a
graduate Math course whose final always consisted of "Make up an appropriate final exam for this course and answer it. You will be graded on both parts." Then one year, a student answered as follows: The exam is: "Make up an appropriate final exam for this course and answer it. You will be graded on both parts." The answer is: "Make up an appropriate final exam for this course and answer it. You will be graded on both parts." His reasoning was that since that was the best exam the professor could write, it certainly ought to be good enough for a student. He got an A. The professor specifically prohibited that answer from then on. |
Philosophy professor at the front of the classroom
with the following final exam question written on the blackboard: "How do you plan to make a living with a philosophy degree?" |
While taking a psychology course in college, the
teacher had a habit of putting the following questions on an exam: "Ask yourself a question and answer it." Being a math major, I asked myself: "Solve the following differential equation [* equation deleted *] under the following conditions [* conditions deleted *]" and proceeded to solve it. The next day, I stopped by the math office to see one of the professors. He told me, "Go away, I'm stuck grading your stupid psych exam." I got full credit, and the psych professor never put that question on an exam again. |
I've no idea how true it is or if it's an Urban
Legend. This guy was taking an exam in Trinity College here (old college, about 400 years old). In the middle of the exam, he called a porter and requested his pint of ale. The porter, of course, just looked at him. Our hero then produced a copy of the *old* regulations which stipulated that a gentleman was entitled to this type of refreshment. The college authorities, fearing more expensive and disruptive episodes in the future, checked the college regulations. They then provided our man with his glass of ale, but promptly fined him for not wearing his ceremonial sword. |
This is true, told to me by a chemistry professor
at Idaho State University. The professor had the following as an extra credit question on an exam: An age-old question is "How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?" Answer that question given the following: o Each angel requires an area equal to a circle with a diameter the size of a gold atom in which to dance. o The pin in question has a head which is a circular plane with a diameter of 0.5 mm. Make any other assumptions necessary to solve the problem. The professor was sorry to admit that he had to give full credit to the following answer: I assume that angels do not exist. The answer is 0. |
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