Hey brah, you man enough to ride this beast?
Hey brah, you man enough to ride this beast? - $1750 (Dover, De)
Up for sale is my 1996 Suzuki DR200. Now I'm sure you have lots of questions so I'll do my best to answer them here.
What is it?
It's a dual sport motorcycle.
What does that mean?
Short answer: It means it is a street legal off road bike.
Long answer: It is a dirt bike with dirt bike suspension, semi-knobby tires and general go anywhereness. It also has a headlight, tail light, horn and turn signals so you can ride it pretty much anywhere...except New Jersey...I will NOT sell you this bike if you give me any indication you will take this bike across the bridge into that hellhole state. If I catch the slightest whiff of Newports on your breath, NO DEAL!
Does it have a name?
Yes, The Angry Hornet
How big is the motor?
Is that big?
How big is it then?
A moped is about 50cc...so you could easily run down a terrorist on a moped and kill him.
Why would a terrorist be on a moped?
Because you're going to buy this bike before he can. He'll be out of options.
Why are you assuming the terrorist is a man?
I like to stereotype people. Only a democrat like yourself would ask that and I'm not selling this bike to you.
Seriously, how fast is it?
Ok, this bike is built to travel, not win drag races. It will hit 85 on the highway. I've heard other DR owners say they would be scared to death to go over 50 on one. I will not sell you this bike if you're too ***** to wind this bitch out for all she's worth and then be the kind of ******* to turn around and besmirch her excellent handling.
How long will it take to get to 85?
A long time. You want a straight stretch of highway and a long lunch break. Don't worry about cops; they'll never believe what they just saw.
Why on earth would I want a 200cc motorcycle?
Now we're talking! Here's the deal; these bikes are factory rated to get 105mpg. Unlike the very few other dual sports in its class with little bitch tanks, the DR has a 3.4 gallon tank. That's a theoretical range of a little over 350 miles. Gas is about $3.50 a gallon right now. So you could drive from Dover, De to Gettysburg, Pa, take part in a Civil War reenactment, drive back to Dover and still have 43 miles in the tank to ride around with your musket shooting at road signs. And you could do all this on $11.90 worth of petrol. Boom! Vacation of a lifetime!
But no vehicle gets the fuel mileage the factory says. Plus that was the day they built it. It's 18 years old now.
True. But the day your momma squeezed you out, I'm sure she called you a little angel. 18+ years later and what were you doing? Feeding the hungry? Clothing the poor? Nope. You were smugly putting down The Angry Hornet. Eat ****. I can throttle the **** out of it and still average 90mpg. That means I get to ride an awesome little bike for less than $.04 a mile.
Where could a I use a bike like this?
Anywhere a street legal vehicle can go and then places they can't. You can ride these on back roads, fire roads, forest service roads, Jeep trails, etc. They're a blast on dirt and gravel and you might find you enjoy getting away from all the people with most of their teeth and getting lost in the land of manly things and frightened sheep.
What else could I do with it?
Kill terrorists! 'Merica!
You already mentioned that. Anything else?
Commute to work, get a rural paper route, cat hearding.
Really though, the best thing you could do with this bike is take a month off work (better yet, quit your shitty job altogether) strap some camping supplies to the back and just take off for nowhere. There's a trail called the Trans America Trail that goes from the Telico Plains in Tennessee to the Pacific coast in Oregon. And it's dirt the whole way. People on dual sport bikes ride it all the time. Get out and see the country. Go experience something other than playing another round of golf with your ******* brother in law.
Why don't you do that?
Who says I didn't already and then just rolled the odometer back?
Did you do that?
Do you think I would admit to it?
What's with the purple?
That's how they made them that year.
Kinda feminine, don't you think?
Exactly, you gotta be all man to ride The Angry Hornet; otherwise I call no *****.
Anything wrong with it?
Yeah, I laid it down in some loose gravel once. Don't worry, my face took the brunt of the fall. It cracked the rear turn signal housing, but I replaced the lens. The housing could be made watertight with some electrical tape. Other than that, just the usual scratches on the plastic from trail riding. The tank is NOT dented which is a miracle because I've almost knocked it over in my garage numerous times trying to do the weird sideways limbo thing around the handlebars.
It also needs a new battery. I did recently have the carb rebuilt and air filter replaced so she runs smooth...well as smooth as a thumper can run.
What's a thumper?
A single cylinder motorcycle. See you're already picking up the lingo.
How many miles are on it?
Why so low?
Because I don't ride it often enough...hence this posting.
Can I test ride it?
Sure! But first here are the rules.
1. You must be 18 or older and you must have a motorcycle endorsement on your driver's license. I don't give a **** how many times you rode your best friend's dickwad crotch rocket. The fact that you ride a crotch rocket is grounds for me telling you to get lost.
2. Full asking price will be handed to me in cash before you swing your ham hock over my ride. You wreck it, you bought it. No exceptions.
3. Like I said before, it has a dead battery. I can jump start it if you need to test ride it. But once you stall it, test ride's over. I don't care if you got three feet. Stall it and you're unassing my machine.
4. If you ride a wheelie down my street, just keep on riding back to your place. It's yours now.
5. No, there is no cool place near my house that you can take it to try it out off road. There is, but you might be an ******* and they told me I was the last ******* they would ever let ride there.
How negotiable is the price?
Do I seem like I want to stand in my driveway participating in childish banter about money? Hit me with a reasonable price and I may take it. I may also key your car so proceed at your own risk.
How about $500 cash and Firefly tickets?
How about I beat you with your own belt?
She's a beaut', Clark.