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Old 08-19-2011, 03:37 PM   #1
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Default Roommate wanted in SF

Classic post on CL:

$1000 Best. Roommate. Ever.
Date: 2011-08-18, 3:39PM PDT
Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?]
Konichiwa bitches. Are you looking for the most kick-*** ******* roommate that ever lived? If so, look no further. You ******* found him. I'm a 25-year-old professional marketing agent with experience at bad-*** companies in New York ******* City. That's right! What you know about experience? I graduated from Auburn University in Alabama, and moved to NYC at the ripe, tender age of 22. After deciding that New York was a stinky ****-hole, I moved back to Alabama to cultivate more professional experience. Why? So I can make millions of dollars and not have to post **** like this on Craigslist.

Anyway, so I landed this job with a marketing firm in San Francisco, and I have no ******* clue where to live. Honestly, I'm moving there in 3 weeks, so I don't give a **** if I have to sleep in your bathtub.

A bit about me: I'm respectful, quiet, clean and I won't bother any of your ****. If you leave **** out, I'm just like, "Oh **** I better not mess with this ****, because it's not mine." I turn off lights. I clean toilets. **** it. I'll even cook for you. That's right! My dad is a chef and taught me everything there is to know about cooking southern cajun cuisine. I'll fry green tomatoes, cover them with marinated crab meat and smother that **** in bearnaise. EVERY. GODDAMN. NIGHT. Don't eat meat? That's ******* FANTASTIC! I'll make a zucchini and yellow squash carpaccio that will knock your ******* socks off.

I also read a lot. I ******* LOVE books. Vonnegut, Palahniuk, Hawthorne. All that ****. I read Tuesday's with Morrie the other day. It's a sad story, but I learned something about life, love, knowledge and the pursuit of something greater than myself. ******* smart. Do you like movies? I ******* love them. We can watch the **** out of some movies together if you like, or go get drinks, or work out, hike, play video games or play a game of one-on-one basketball, or I don't have to talk to you at all. It's completely UP TO YOU!

Sometimes I play guitar. Are you going to love getting baked and listening to Bob Dylan and Pink Floyd? LIVE? WHENEVER THE **** YOU WANT? Of course you are! I'll take requests and learn any song you like, because I have the voice of an angel and the acoustical stylings of James ******* Taylor. AWWWWWW **** YEA!

A lot of people ask me, "Hey, you're from Alabama. Are you racist?" And, the answer to that question is, no. I'm not racist or judgmental at all. I love everyone. I'm a secular humanist. I ******* LOVE PEOPLE. That's the only requirement to being a secular humanist actually. You have to like other human beings and want to help them for no other reason than they are human regardless of race, religion or sexual preference. WTF?!!!? Pretty ******* cool right?

I own almost nothing! I'm driving my car from Alabama to California in which I'll be transporting two duffelbags of clothes, one laptop computer, one guitar, one cell-phone with charger, 8 pairs of shoes, one picture frame, probably some condoms and a shitload of beef jerky and Pringles for the trip. Though, you can expect the jerky to be gone upon my arrival. Unless you'd like me to pick up some on my way into the city. See?! I'm the most considerate person you've ever met. I'm offering to buy you **** already!

Am I interested in your pad? You can bet my nomadic *** I am! I only require 4 walls, a ceiling and a floor to shelter me from the elements. Other than that, anything else will be considered a convenient plus. I'm taking being a roommate to the next level. Email me! I'll hook yo *** up with Facebook links, background checks, credit reports, phone numbers, resumes, references, awards, sexual history, pictures of karate trophies and a list of the top 10 women I'd like to bang before I die. If you want a next-generation roommate who consistently blows your ******* mind with awesomeness, then hit me up. I'm ready to give you money.

cats are OK - purrr
dogs are OK - wooof
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
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Old 08-19-2011, 04:33 PM   #2
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If I was in the market, I'd absolutely call that guy. I love cajun food!
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Old 08-19-2011, 04:56 PM   #3
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Makes me want to move to SF just so I can call this guy.
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Old 08-19-2011, 05:56 PM   #4
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He went to Auburn, no wonder he seems like such a dumbass and loser.
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Old 08-19-2011, 05:58 PM   #5
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It is SF, glad he snuck in the line at the end about the top 10 list of women that he wants to bang before he dies.

Probably broke some hearts of guys reading that ad thinking "yes, YES, YES!, aw crap, no"
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Old 08-22-2011, 02:16 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by Stein View Post
It is SF, glad he snuck in the line at the end about the top 10 list of women that he wants to bang before he dies.

Probably broke some hearts of guys reading that ad thinking "yes, YES, YES!, aw crap, no"
Ya, i was thinking the same thing.
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