levnubhin

iTrader: (30)

+1 that wasn't a lecture, it was something I wish I had drilled into me 5 years ago.
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Stein

iTrader: (46)

Ah, it can work out. I met my wife the end of June, proposed in August (6 weeks later), we started building a house in September and were married that November 15th. That was almost 12 years ago.

It helped that she was 35 and I was 30 and the petty game playing **** was over by then.

Saml01

iTrader: (9)

Whos this? I cant tell, either TonyV or Phillatio?

Saml01

iTrader: (9)

^ no youre not.

IAmiata

iTrader: (2)

No, You're right. Unfortunately my join date is nearly 2 years prior to yours and now that I'm back on the forum, I can't post in the classifieds or send any PMs. I'm not new here, have bought and sold through multiple other people, though both my feedback and post count was deleted. I don't beleive there's a way to restore either. I'm interested in something in the classifieds, but couldn't even respond unless I had 10 posts. Thus, my 4 bs posts above.

/Life story.

levnubhin

iTrader: (30)

Go crap somewhere else next time. If you only needed 4 posts you could have at least made a contribution to the forum with them. Perhaps in the meet & greet section?
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chriscar

iTrader: (24)

So much good in that post, it's amazing.

Were you Ayn Rand in a former life?

C

NA6C-Guy

iTrader: (1)

Amen to that ****. Which is why I can say I have been single for quite a long time, and surely don't plan to settle down any time soon. Too many fish in the ocean for me to settle on one thats going to **** my **** up. The next one is going to have to fill out some paper work and be nice at the interview, because the last 2 were ******* crazy. And I feel Rock is speaking mostly the truth. If you deny it, you are either already whipped and blinded by her, or she is standing behind you watching you type...

I hate seeing people get married just because they think it will make things better. I don't really like marriage, and don't think traditional marriage works as well in these times as it used to. I have seen 4 out of 5 marriages around me fail within 2 years. Any that still exist aren't happy marriages. Why in the hell do I want to tie myself down to someone I know I will get bored with in a few years. People can't be happy just being together, somehow it makes them special when they sign a piece of paper that says you can **** each others lives up when you break up.

sixshooter

iTrader: (12)

Damn, man! How about sending a PM to a ******* moderator? I believe you can still do that with no posts. Or post in the "meet and greet" or the "front desk" section and detail your problem so someone can fix it. Thread spamming to post in classifieds is a ban-able offense. And it's rude as hell.

sixshooter

iTrader: (12)

It won't hurt to wait for a good one, if you are shopping in the right places.

I think marriage failures are a result of several issues.
Selfishness by one or both parties is the biggest problem. "It's all about me and what makes me happy." "I know we can't afford it, but I want it and I want it NOW." "Well, if he can spend money we don't have on that, then I'm buying this for me."

Unreasonable expectations are another biggie. "This isn't how I planned it in my dreams as a seven year old child." "Isn't it supposed to be easier than this?" "We shouldn't have to do without the things we want." "You are gaining weight/are a slob/are lazy/don't talk to me enough/are not bringing home enough money/spend too much time with your friends/are always going fishing/are always on the computer/are always at the gym/are always working on that stupid car (and you were that way before you were married but she thought you wouldn't be once you put on a ring? How absurd)." Unreasonable expectations tend to go away as maturity develops in an individual (notice I didn't say "as they get older").

Bad modeling of a loving family unit is also a problem. Children grow up to either emulate their parents relationships and roles or to rebel completely against them. I talked about that one already.

People grow apart. That is the oldest one in the book. People are always changing and growing. I was a very different person in each of the first ten years we were together. And so was she. If you have common ground and a similar appreciation of the fundamentals that your understanding of the world and your goals are based on, you might make it through. You must have a common understanding and hold dear the same basic beliefs of family, morality, interpersonal trust, and, above all, respect for each other. You don't even really need to like the same things, but having some shared interests can make the journey more enjoyable and fruitful. Most happy couples have separate hobbies and pursuits.

The most important thing to me is respect. You want her to be happy. You want her to be proud of you. Her opinion matters because you respect her. She wants your opinion because she respects you and values what you think. She wants you to be your best. She willingly helps you if you ask. She wants to see you successful. She wants to see you happy. She would never harm you because she wouldn't want to make you unhappy. You want to see her needs met before your own, and she feels the same about your needs.

Sooooooo. Take the time when you are dating to study her for the warning signs and see how she handles tough situations. See if she is capable of caring more for your needs than her own. Find out if she will earn your respect and if she is respectful of you, herself, and others. Again, one of the biggest clues as to a person's nature is how they treat strangers when the strangers are in a subservient position (waitstaff, clerks, etc.) especially when the waitstaff gets a few things wrong. Is she gracious and forgiving or hateful and rude? Does she say "Our poor waitress is swamped today," or "That bitch won't be getting a tip from me." Does she give people the benefit of the doubt or does she always assume people have evil motives? Will she accuse you of sleeping around when you come back from hanging with the guys? Does she assist strangers in need or make fun of them? Is she kind to animals that aren't hers? Just clues. Nobody can be on their best behavior for four or five years.

[/Dr. Sixshooter, B.A. Psychology, Practicing Family and Relationship Counselor, Fundamentally Hates People in General, Kicks Dogs and Children, Smells Bad]

Saml01

iTrader: (9)

Heres a thought, why dont people go to a marriage counselor before getting married? You know, to find out if they are in fact right for each other?

sixshooter

iTrader: (12)

A lot of churches won't let you get married in their facilities unless you have completed a multi-week marriage class/counseling session. But people are stubborn and say "You can't tell me what's good for me. I know what I'm doing."

Do you think for a minute that hustler would sit for a pre-marriage counseling session?

Saml01

iTrader: (9)

Well not Hustler, but good job picking the most unlikely candidate for marriage.

rleete

iTrader: (21)

Most churches won't marry same sex couples.

Doppelgänger

iTrader: (12)

HAHAHAHA nice.


Been dating my GF for coming up on 3 yrs. No plans for marrage.. but no plans on leaving either. Actually, we are looking at buying a house. Neither of us wants kids in the forseeable future.
We actually met on a mountain run when she had her MINI S....so at least she understands the car thing.

sixshooter

iTrader: (12)

You're a lucky guy to find a good car chick. I am also a big proponent of not having kids right away, too. You need to learn to live well with each other as a married couple before adding additional strain to the relationship dynamic. Take time to enjoy being married before you bring demon spawn in to wreck your romance.

y8s

iTrader: (8)

i met my gf in 1994-95. she's no more bitchy, fat, or financially unsound than back then... she is smarter. so that may work against me.

Project84

iTrader: (2)

I keep dating chicks for 2 year spans and then they leave my ***. Well, technically I kicked the last one out in hopes that it would shock her into not being such a fucktard, unfortunately, she just kept on driving.... so I bought some TV Dinners and got on with life. I live alone, it's great. When I put things down, they're right there when I get back, when I want a particular thing to eat, I know whether or not I have any, and if I do, I know exactly where it'll be.

My current g/f and I have been together 2 years but she doesn't live w/ me. We've been on the edge of breakup for months but some how it hasn't happened yet.

The point I wanted to make was, I keep dating these girls who seem to REALLY want me to change, and after 2 years I think they realize its not going to happen, so they're ready to move on. IDK WTF to change though, and I guess even if I did I wouldn't want to. They both (my ex and my current) have complained about EXACTLY the same **** too, so I know it's a problem, but I've tried fixing "who I am" to make them happier and it just makes me depressed to live like I'm 60 years old and been married 40 years when in fact I'm 23 and adventurous as hell. My current and my ex, are both amazing girls, bright futures, and I'd say between and 8 and 9 (the 1-10 scale) depending who you ask. I guess I just have epic fail written all over me.

Yes, I'm whining.

8UR VTEC

A lot of interesting opinions and thoughts in here. Six Shooters got it on lock down. he sounds like he really knows what he is talking about.

My wife and i hit a bump early in our marriage, but things seem to be back on track. I think hitting bumps early wasn't the worst thing ever, it enabled me to go to a counselor and learn a few things about myself and marriage. Luckily we will be waiting to have kids and just enjoy life for a bit. She hates cars,sports and pretty much everything I love. but i just kinda go with it somehow hopping she will just kinda come around on some of the stuff.

SKMetalworks

iTrader: (7)

I just broke up with my girlfriend 2 weeks ago becuase i knew it wasnt going anywhere and i felt it was time to start looking for a compatable match. Im 20 years old and she was 17. Overall she was a good girl but i just cant stand certain traits she carries ( from her father and mother ) No way in hell id marry her.