A penguin drives his car into a repair shop.

Says to the mechanic it appears to be leaking something.

Mechanic says "I'll take a look".

Penguin notices an ice cream shop across the street and tells the mechanic he's hot and is going to get some ice cream.

Penguin comes back about half an hour later with ice cream dripping down his chin and front. Those little wings make holding a cone difficult.

Mechanic tells him "It looks like you've blown a seal".

Penquin replies "No, no it's only ice cream."

 

I liked this one. I'd heard it before. It reminds me of Vaudeville style jokes for those who are into old entertainment.

 

It's all the rage now for wives to say they are also our best friends. I contend dogs are still mans best friend. Want proof? Stuff your dog and your wife in the trunk and go drive around for an hour. When you open the trunk whichever one is glad to see you is your best friend.



Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat. He was late for an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

 

i found the parking space one the best. it's funny cause it's true.

 

A couple of Vaudeville classics:

SANDERSON: My uncle has just been elected mayor.
BOWMAN: Honestly?
SANDERSON: What does that matter?



DUMMY: My father killed a hundred men in the war.
VENTRILOQUIST: What was he? A gunner?
DUMMY: Nope, a cook.



--A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here
for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."