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Old 04-09-2010, 10:13 AM   #1
I'm a terrible person
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Default Great First Car...

http://semo.craigslist.org/cto/1672654758.html

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Looking for a first car for a teen? This car is absolutely brilliant. Itís got low mileage (68k), has been super reliable, and is excellent on gas. Since youíre likely paying for the gas, this will make things much cheaper on you. I average like 37MPG to a tank. And with such low mileage, itíll work great for a long long time.

But you wanna know the best reason to buy this car for your kid?

Itís slow as ****. You donít have to worry about speeding tickets or accidents in this baby. Your kid could have a 1 mile run and hit a brick wall not wearing a seatbelt and not be going fast enough to do ****. And there wonít be any sense in him getting some shitty *** fart can off of eBay Ė this car has the super slow SPI engine, no sense in trying to make it any faster. Itís a 4-door, so your kid wonít try to put gay *** Lambo doors on it. It is still possible to fit this with a body kit, but if youíd like, for an extra $200, I can stab him in the face if he does this.

Itís a 5-speed, so your kid canít talk on his cell phone while playing Gameboy and smoking pot Ė heíll have to actually pay attention. It also means you wonít have to pay for an automatic transmission when your kid beats the hell out of it. Itís got a new clutch and new tires, so youíll know if he does burnouts. After all, Iím sure YOUíRE the one paying for tires, right? Itís got an aftermarket head unit in it, so your kid wonít **** it up when him and his buddies try to wire in a ďphat *** systemĒ. Itís already had the speakers replaced too, so he wonít have to tear the door cards on and then look like a retard when he canít get them back on. Itís got manual windows too, so he canít **** up the window motors when he rolls one of his friends heads up in it as a joke. A new battery means when he leaves his headlights on, it wonít leave you totally stranded.

But really though, one of the best parts is that, because it is a 4 door, it will be somewhat embarrassing for him to be seen in. Iím sure you get pissed at him from time to time. Hell, youíre probably mad at him for harassing you into buying him a first car. So get this one. It has no A/C, so youíll know heís suffering every time you get mad at him. Pretty satisfying. Itíll bring a smile to your face too, to know heís rolling around looking like a ****** in a Ford Focus.

So buy this car for your kid. You wonít regret it
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Old 04-09-2010, 11:10 AM   #2
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Oldie but goodie.

Been recycled more than the "manly" scooter ads.
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Old 04-09-2010, 12:46 PM   #3
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I figured since it was a CL ad it was new. Oh well.
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Old 04-09-2010, 01:37 PM   #4
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RoflCopter

That is so awesome, haha.
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