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Old 05-27-2010, 10:58 AM   #1
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Default Hey Hustler, are you selling an Xterra?

Craigslist post. You gotta read it.

NINJA HAULER: 2005 Nissan Xterra - $12900 (Ronan / Lake County ) Reply to: [email protected] [?]
Date: 2008-12-04, 5:15PM MST
OK, let me start off by saying this Xterra is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow, this Nissan would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.

It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that's what your Prius is for. If that's the kind of car you're looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it.
Just stop.

This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don't get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn't let anything warm his butt), or On Star (real men don't even know what the hell On Star is).

No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 265 HP engine to outrun the cops. It's got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you're operating on yourself. The Xterra also has an automatic transmission so if you're being chased by Libyan terrorists, you'll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and drive at the same time. It's saved my bacon more than once.

It has room for you and the four hotties you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. There's a tow hitch to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban, self cooling machine gun. I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man.

My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $12,900, but I'll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don't walk up and tell me you'll give me $5,000 for it. That's liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let's just say you won't be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.

There's only 69,000 miles on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.

Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it's a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my ladies, but I'll get back to you. And when I do, we'll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash.

To sweeten the deal a little, I'm throwing in this pair of MC Hammer pants for the man with rippling quads that can't fit into regular pants.

Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants.

Rock on.
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Last edited by levnubhin; 05-27-2010 at 11:10 AM.
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Old 05-27-2010, 12:26 PM   #2
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Awesome
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Old 05-27-2010, 12:35 PM   #3
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I am calling USAA right now to get a loan. I cannot pass up free MC Hammer Pants.
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Old 05-27-2010, 01:41 PM   #4
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Emailing to see if he will part out the Pants.
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Old 05-27-2010, 01:44 PM   #5
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lmao
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Old 05-27-2010, 02:10 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FRT_Fun View Post
Emailing to see if he will part out the Pants.
Ask for pictures of the pants.
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Old 05-27-2010, 02:40 PM   #7
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Best Cl posting ever? Tags say yes.
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Old 05-27-2010, 02:44 PM   #8
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lmao
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Old 05-27-2010, 03:04 PM   #9
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lulz
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Old 05-27-2010, 03:12 PM   #10
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thats awesome!
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Old 05-27-2010, 04:31 PM   #11
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Haha! Too bad I don't have the cash...
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Old 05-27-2010, 04:32 PM   #12
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I wasn't even man enough to click on the CL ad
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Old 05-28-2010, 01:35 AM   #13
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The listing is almost two years old, I wonder if he ever sold it.
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Old 06-13-2010, 08:47 PM   #14
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A bit of a necrobump, but sometimes I get nostalgic and search for S4s for sale in my area. Today I found this:

Quote:
Feel the pure brute force of Thor's hammer as you unleash four hundred and something horsepower of wild untethered fury on the unsuspecting plebeian feeling really happy with himself in his Mustang GT in the lane next to you, who probably thinks you are driving your retired tax accountant dad's upscale European commutemobile, unaware that it is capable of sub-13 second 1/4 miles and of firmly pushing you back in your seat when you are doing 90mph and decide to climb to 130. It will get you there long before you realize that it's probably not a good idea to be going near twice the speed limit. Not that that'll stop it; this elegant 4 door family sedan is capable of surpassing 180 miles per hour. Please don't drive this fast. All this go is provided by a pair of K04 turbos, coupled with a full exhaust with modified downpipes and a nice 3" pipe leading to custom dual tips. The sound is sublime. This is no farty grapefruit cannon-type exhaust, this is the real thing with a real roar. GRRRRRR. A GIAC x-chip (both the 93 octane and the 100 octane programs) helps make this thing go beyond ludicrous speed all the way to plaid. A sultry santorin blue, the only thing sexier than the exterior color is the interior. The black leather seats and the door areas are embellished with electric blue alcantara that is so hot they would make a stripper blush. CURRENTLY IT OVERHEATS. The control arms and front bushings were replaced about 15k miles ago. needs a new thermostat, a water pump, new CV joints, and a rear driver-side window regulator. The interior trim is in need of some of 3M's finest, and sadly due to being exposed to Florida's sun in the work parking lot, the paint is peeling. Some buffing, some spraying, a few twists of a wrench, and this thing will be worth twice what you paid for it. Other mods include: a UUC short-shifter (30%), Eibach shocks and H&R springs, Samco pressure hoses, MTM bypass valves, and a manual boost control. Willing to negotiate,give me
http://www.autotrader.com/fyc/vdp.js...standard=false
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Old 06-14-2010, 01:59 PM   #15
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Old 06-15-2010, 08:49 PM   #16
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Old 06-15-2010, 09:08 PM   #17
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Old 06-16-2010, 12:49 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by miatacross View Post
Win at selling cinder blocks.
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Old 06-16-2010, 12:56 AM   #19
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I think that cinder block ad is my all-time favorite.

OTOH, I'm definitely stealing some parts of that Datsun ad for when I finally get off my *** and create a real for sale post for my '92.
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