Moving back to Sweden / How do I best kill a Golf?
 

I thought I’d share some news that has absolutely nothing to do with you guys and that nobody is the least interested in. Just for kicks.

After only one year here in Nürnberg, my fiancée said that she wants to move back home. I do not blame her. She worked the first 6 months here as a translator, but has been unemployed since then and sitting at home with a 4 year university degree kind of sucks. We agreed that she would check out the job-market at home instead and she now has a kick ass job in Sweden.

She starts working in beginning of August and left this morning. The dog and I will stay for a few more months, wrapping up stuff at work and getting rid of the apartment. We will in other words throw all dog-regulations out the window; live on nothing but bacon, sausages, dead animals on the grill and beer (my little dog loves beer, btw). TV will show nothing but racing, car building shows and porn. Yup!

I left Sweden in 2003 and have since then worked for this company in Italy, Germany, NC, USA and now again in Germany. We are moving home to Gothenburg, settling down SMACK right in the middle of my family, with my brothers, sister and my parents (where the frikkin Miata is still parked!) all within a 45min drive. I am so looking forward to this.

And then the bad part: My fiancées parents have her a gift. A VW Golf. Now, to the untrained eye, this might seem like a nice thing to do, but it is not. Quite the opposite. The golf was their extra car: a red, lawnmower-motor powered, scraped in the corners and tragically ugly, handling like a raw egg, badly maintained and just painfully boring car. And why is this gift so destructive and deep down devilish evil? You see: since we do not need 3 cars (we actually do not even need 2, living in Gothenburg) I have to sell one of mine… and it will not be the Miata… so it will have to be the Deutsche Wonder Wagon, my brilliant, beautiful, much loved and so wonderful BMW. :cry:

/T.

Some sugar in the tank could get you rid of that problem... :cool:

Greets

I'm of the nick the gas line and ad a lighter philosophy. The results are much more spectacular and if you bring marshmellows you can make smores. Light that fucker up, make it completely undriveable. No one wants to risk their life in a car that might burst into flames at any moment. State that you were working on the vehicle and it was totally your fault. You knew better than to smoke while working on the fuel line with the key in the ignition, or that when you had fuel spraying everywhere and you dropped the wrench across the battery you were lucky that you didn't catch fire.... Sucks to be that car.

Mark

PS - Don't file a claim on a car YOU set on fire... that would be fraud... However setting your own property on fire shouldn't get you in too much trouble.

Thanks a bunch for the tip. However, the car tends to be close to other valueble stuff (like, my car and my house), so setting it on fire is perhaps not the best method.

Other proposels that has come in from friends is:
Just do an "oil and fluids change" and mix up where the coolant and the oil goes. - Unfortunately, spare engines are cheap to an old Golf

Make friends with some heavy crack users. Let them borrow the car for a week or so. - I do not know any crack users. Where do I start?

Install a big "engine start" button that overrides the ignition and leave it unlocked somewhere in Gothenburg. Leave $50 in the front seat. - This could work!

Sacrafice it to Odin, the fader and leader of the true gods. - This one might be hard to explain to the in-laws

I knew someone who had his friends steal his car and push it off a cliff in Angeles Crest Highway... I heard it made priceless sounds as it went off the cliff... Road Trip to Dover maybe? Having the brakes fail while heading into the inlaws driveway at 20 MPH seems too easy... and a little vindictive.

Mark

Drain the oil red line the engine and then piss on it when it grinds to a halt.

for a reasonable price, I could make the entire problem disappear...:bigtu:

or just sell it?

You BMW + Miata > older golf?

I don't envy you. I fear I will end up in the same situation in the future. Is there a bad neighborhood you could park it in overnight?

Maybe you could do something like loosening the lugs on one of the wheels or damaging the studs and going for a slow drive on an empty road until they fail. Just make sure you can lie about it for the rest of your life...that would be the toughest part.

To wreck a fail-wheel-drive is easy. Hit a curb with the wheel turned away from the impact point. i.e. try to hit so that the front of the wheel is being pushed out and back. It will mess up the control arms, possibly bend the rack and play hell with the CV joints. One 20MPH impact will cause more damage to repair than the car is worth. Then you run the car low on oil until it wears enough to smoke, and the thing is shot.

Sell it, and Lie, say it got stolen.

You could grow some balls, and tell the in-laws to shove there piece of crap car up there asses

it's fucking Sweden dude... their version of a bad neighborhood is still far safer than the award winning low crime communities over here.

Ouch! :D

Oh do I have a solution for you....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALIH9dAAAUc

or

Holy crap. Braineack is flammable!

that is one of the best things I have seen on youtube. Thank you bored and slightly educated british folk!!

e-brake slide that bish into a tree

Karo corn syrup in the gas tank = very immobilized golf after running it for ~30 seconds - a minute

best idea so far is have a few friends "steal" it and roll it off a cliff

just tell them that you already have 2 cars and have no use for the third car. Tell them, it would be better for them to sell the car and do something nice for themselves.

I do agree if all else fails, either get a friend to steal it or just blow the motor up, say that you already have two cars and don't have the time to replace the motor and it not worth enough to pay someone to fix it. Then sell it to someone real cheap to get it out of your way. You can even be nice as to tell the new buyer what you did to the car to make it easier for them.

It would be fun soak the front tires in silicone, and do burnouts until the tires blew, Burnout some more, because spark shows are cool, then rotate the tires and drift it into a telephone pole, and post the video on youtube.... but realistically give it back, if they wont take it I'm sure some local kid will. Or, you can sand it down, let it rust for a week or two, and put it on a boat headed for SoCal, where some clubroadster kid would probably pay $20k for it.

Instead of destroying what could be considered transportation, and having the possibility of being found out, and thought of as a dick. Use the situation to your advantage. Do something so generous that the in-laws couldn't possibly hold you at fault.

The particulars would be up to you and your situation, but just make sure you tailor this to Their tastes. Like, if you know they are sympathetic to homeless, or underprivileged children, or beaten housewives, then donate the car to the respective charity.

This is far more diabolical than fucking up their car and lying about it, this is getting rid of a problem, possibly getting a tax break, and looking like a fucking saint. Oh, and the reason, "Well, you know ma, and pa, we are doing okay for ourselves, but would feel like we were living too large if we had three cars, I mean who needs three cars?" Unless they have three cars, or if they don't go for that charity shit, then try to use the example as a push in the right direction.

Hell even if they HATE charity, do it anyway, that way they just think your are some over-caring pussy, not a self-centered dickhead who looks a gift-horse in the mouth.

You pickin up what I'm puttin down?


(ps, if you go the destructive route, make sure you post video!)

Thanks a lot for all the answers guys. It was a looong time since I LOLed this hard. When it comes to the destruction of FWD cars, there is clearly no limit to what the evil minds of MT.net can come up with.

BMW prevails, Torkel is victorious and life is good!
 

Reopening this old thread to give you a happy update.

I have half hearted been stalling for a while, but had cave in and send the BMW documents to the Swedish version of the DMV to make the BMW Swedish and sellable in Sweden. We are currently waiting for the new licence plates so that we can do a registration-inspection and thereby getting it into the Swedish system.

From 1 of Dec when I arrived in Sweden, I have had to baby the Golf by: Oil, filters and plugs change (oil was naaaasty!), change 4 bulbs, repair the intake system, repair one side indicator (it fell of when I washed the car), repair various plastic parts under engine that was falling of, reattaching a rear light that was working itself loose and reattach some of the exhaust.

And then the fiancée strikes! And I mean S-t-r-i-k-e. Let’s put it like this: “Old VW POS” vs “Volvo with hitch” = FAIL. But in this case, it was a win. The car looks like the hand of God gave it a punch in the face. It is still drivable and all the lights work, but there is some heavy damage behind the bumper.

And now to the sweet part:
- The in-laws have not yet moved over the ownership to my fiancée
- The in-laws had (for some strange reason) the Golf on full coverage
- There is no way that the repair bill will be lower then the value of the car, so the car will be scrapped.
- My fiancée will get the cash
- I still have my BMW

And so they shall live happy forever after.

Rule #1 for Devious Plans:

Enlist Good Help



LOL

Good to hear the two RWD cars own the garage.

I think I will use that line from now on! Classic! Glad to hear that God has blessed you in such fateful way!

~Mitch