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Old 07-25-2008, 04:31 AM   #1
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Default Moving back to Sweden / How do I best kill a Golf?

I thought I’d share some news that has absolutely nothing to do with you guys and that nobody is the least interested in. Just for kicks.

After only one year here in Nürnberg, my fiancée said that she wants to move back home. I do not blame her. She worked the first 6 months here as a translator, but has been unemployed since then and sitting at home with a 4 year university degree kind of sucks. We agreed that she would check out the job-market at home instead and she now has a kick *** job in Sweden.

She starts working in beginning of August and left this morning. The dog and I will stay for a few more months, wrapping up stuff at work and getting rid of the apartment. We will in other words throw all dog-regulations out the window; live on nothing but bacon, sausages, dead animals on the grill and beer (my little dog loves beer, btw). TV will show nothing but racing, car building shows and ****. Yup!

I left Sweden in 2003 and have since then worked for this company in Italy, Germany, NC, USA and now again in Germany. We are moving home to Gothenburg, settling down SMACK right in the middle of my family, with my brothers, sister and my parents (where the frikkin Miata is still parked!) all within a 45min drive. I am so looking forward to this.

And then the bad part: My fiancées parents have her a gift. A VW Golf. Now, to the untrained eye, this might seem like a nice thing to do, but it is not. Quite the opposite. The golf was their extra car: a red, lawnmower-motor powered, scraped in the corners and tragically ugly, handling like a raw egg, badly maintained and just painfully boring car. And why is this gift so destructive and deep down devilish evil? You see: since we do not need 3 cars (we actually do not even need 2, living in Gothenburg) I have to sell one of mine… and it will not be the Miata… so it will have to be the Deutsche Wonder Wagon, my brilliant, beautiful, much loved and so wonderful BMW.

/T.
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Old 07-25-2008, 05:25 AM   #2
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Some sugar in the tank could get you rid of that problem...

Greets
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Old 07-25-2008, 08:20 AM   #3
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I'm of the nick the gas line and ad a lighter philosophy. The results are much more spectacular and if you bring marshmellows you can make smores. Light that ****** up, make it completely undriveable. No one wants to risk their life in a car that might burst into flames at any moment. State that you were working on the vehicle and it was totally your fault. You knew better than to smoke while working on the fuel line with the key in the ignition, or that when you had fuel spraying everywhere and you dropped the wrench across the battery you were lucky that you didn't catch fire.... Sucks to be that car.

Mark

PS - Don't file a claim on a car YOU set on fire... that would be fraud... However setting your own property on fire shouldn't get you in too much trouble.
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Old 07-25-2008, 09:20 AM   #4
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Thanks a bunch for the tip. However, the car tends to be close to other valueble stuff (like, my car and my house), so setting it on fire is perhaps not the best method.

Other proposels that has come in from friends is:
Just do an "oil and fluids change" and mix up where the coolant and the oil goes. - Unfortunately, spare engines are cheap to an old Golf

Make friends with some heavy crack users. Let them borrow the car for a week or so. - I do not know any crack users. Where do I start?

Install a big "engine start" button that overrides the ignition and leave it unlocked somewhere in Gothenburg. Leave $50 in the front seat. - This could work!

Sacrafice it to Odin, the fader and leader of the true gods. - This one might be hard to explain to the in-laws
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Old 07-25-2008, 10:36 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Torkel View Post
Thanks a bunch for the tip. However, the car tends to be close to other valueble stuff (like, my car and my house), so setting it on fire is perhaps not the best method.

Other proposels that has come in from friends is:
Just do an "oil and fluids change" and mix up where the coolant and the oil goes. - Unfortunately, spare engines are cheap to an old Golf

Make friends with some heavy crack users. Let them borrow the car for a week or so. - I do not know any crack users. Where do I start?

Install a big "engine start" button that overrides the ignition and leave it unlocked somewhere in Gothenburg. Leave $50 in the front seat. - This could work!

Sacrafice it to Odin, the fader and leader of the true gods. - This one might be hard to explain to the in-laws
I knew someone who had his friends steal his car and push it off a cliff in Angeles Crest Highway... I heard it made priceless sounds as it went off the cliff... Road Trip to Dover maybe? Having the brakes fail while heading into the inlaws driveway at 20 MPH seems too easy... and a little vindictive.

Mark
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Old 07-25-2008, 10:49 AM   #6
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Drain the oil red line the engine and then **** on it when it grinds to a halt.
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Old 07-25-2008, 10:52 AM   #7
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for a reasonable price, I could make the entire problem disappear...
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Old 07-25-2008, 11:27 AM   #8
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or just sell it?

You BMW + Miata > older golf?
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Old 07-25-2008, 11:40 AM   #9
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I don't envy you. I fear I will end up in the same situation in the future. Is there a bad neighborhood you could park it in overnight?

Maybe you could do something like loosening the lugs on one of the wheels or damaging the studs and going for a slow drive on an empty road until they fail. Just make sure you can lie about it for the rest of your life...that would be the toughest part.
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Old 07-25-2008, 11:57 AM   #10
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To wreck a fail-wheel-drive is easy. Hit a curb with the wheel turned away from the impact point. i.e. try to hit so that the front of the wheel is being pushed out and back. It will mess up the control arms, possibly bend the rack and play hell with the CV joints. One 20MPH impact will cause more damage to repair than the car is worth. Then you run the car low on oil until it wears enough to smoke, and the thing is shot.
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Old 07-25-2008, 12:43 PM   #11
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Sell it, and Lie, say it got stolen.
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Old 07-25-2008, 08:29 PM   #12
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You could grow some *****, and tell the in-laws to shove there piece of crap car up there asses
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Old 07-25-2008, 10:34 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by messiahx View Post
Is there a bad neighborhood you could park it in overnight?
it's ******* Sweden dude... their version of a bad neighborhood is still far safer than the award winning low crime communities over here.
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Old 07-25-2008, 10:50 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Milton Tucker View Post
You could grow some *****, and tell the in-laws to shove there piece of crap car up there asses
Ouch!
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Old 07-25-2008, 11:19 PM   #15
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Oh do I have a solution for you....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALIH9dAAAUc

or

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Old 07-25-2008, 11:24 PM   #16
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Holy crap. Braineack is flammable!
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Old 07-25-2008, 11:44 PM   #17
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that is one of the best things I have seen on youtube. Thank you bored and slightly educated british folk!!
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Old 07-26-2008, 12:06 AM   #18
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e-brake slide that bish into a tree
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Old 07-26-2008, 12:11 AM   #19
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Karo corn syrup in the gas tank = very immobilized golf after running it for ~30 seconds - a minute
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Old 07-26-2008, 03:03 AM   #20
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best idea so far is have a few friends "steal" it and roll it off a cliff
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