So Im working on a short film
 

NO its not a short film because its about my penis:giggle:

Basically Id like some feedback on these little clips that my friend and I put together. I wont get into the story or anything like that yet. I'd like your honest thoughts and CONSTRUCTIVE criticism based solely on what you see and hear.



Sorry but I cant embed this one as i didnt upload it

No penis no care:giggle:

What's the guy on the ground supposed to be doing? Sick? Covered in blood? Just homeless? That part was a little unclear. And then he died.

Wtf is the point in trying to judge something without knowing the thoughts/ideas behind it? Just curious.

Not enough penis. Needs more penis.

Im death. I killed him.


Because it needs to be clear to everyone else that sees the film what it is or at least if it makes them want to see more. Curlys comments are exactly the feedback we need

Reason I'm busting your balls is cause I can't see vid at work :(

Lol jackass

The incarnate of death hatin on the kneegrows.

Jared, you need to get laid.

you offering?:makeout:

I'm topping

Keep it up!

When I watched the first video I thought maybe he smoked too many rocks. Then I got the whole death thing, and thought his shirt is too clean and people rarely die from a crack OD.

Second vid I could see the blood and figured he was shot.

I think it would be cool to have a bit more suspense leading up to the face swipe. Like a steadycam shot of following deaths feet with just audio of the shoe vs ground. And somehow incorporate that with the other cut scenes you took.

That sounds very film noir.

This is supposed to be a preview, correct?

The only part that was clear was that the guy dressed in black killed the guy laying down. I was vaguely clear that he could have been death, it was not clear who the guy on the ground was.

To long.

I seriously do appreciate the feedback guys. All of it is being taken into account for the final teaser.

yo loser, when we gonna go shooting? you can make a video of that.

*

Very touching background music, fit well. I felt the bleeding person was a bit vague at first. The blood isn't a focal point and is hidden by the darkness (although the use of light was very good). We don't need gore, just a little more clarity. His hand draws in the eye, so maybe place a bit more there? Or perhaps the t-shirt, since it contrasts so well. The acting was quite good, although the victims right arm would fall lower, not balance on the elbow.

Overall; it looks great! Let us know when you have more, it looks interesting.

Very much appreciated! We still need to cast our femal lead. So far the one lady that did a screen test with me got too nervous and uncomfortable with me when i let the evil looks kick in lol so she was out. We have lots of work to do yet. I will keep this thread updated with info and progress

Im down on the weekends or evenings dude. Im currently fire armless so ill have to bum a gun off you ladies. Ill buy ammo of course. Funny, i was talking to aaron about going with him to collect pythons in the wild and filming that as well

I'm down.