Had to share, may be repost.

texts from last night

I think it's even better than FML.

 

(408): hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
(1-408): if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends

 

I love their slogan.

 

(206): I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its *******
(425): There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian

 

(219): Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.

 

(978): i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened

 

(336): Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll

I'm going to hell for laughing at that...

 

(207): I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.

 

(919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

 

(317): I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people

Also going to hell for laughing

 

(281): How do you jack off and text at the same time?
(1-281): On my iPhone they have an app for that

 

(410): can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
(443): wasted?
(410): im pocohantasssss

 

(202): therell be strippers and coke right?
(703): no strippers. just coke.
(202): i hate this ****** recession

My favorite so far.

 

(989): Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.

 

there's so many, that **** is full of win... im going thru it with some friends, too funny



(510): I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...





edit:--cant stop reading


(617): dude we were spooning naked in bed with her *** in my crotch. she sharded in her sleep all over my dick.