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Old 07-05-2015, 08:56 AM   #22641
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Separate accounts + never saying something like you are finished spending + not discussing specifics unnecessarily = gentle bliss.
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Old 07-06-2015, 10:54 AM   #22642
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And that's why you don't keep 100% shared bank accounts. She can spend her money on her hobbies, you on yours, and put just enough for bills, savings, etc into the mutual account.
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Separate accounts + never saying something like you are finished spending + not discussing specifics unnecessarily = gentle bliss.
I guess I love and trust my wife and can talk to her about spending on my hobbies instead of hiding things behind her back.

Tip: don't ask your wife about her secret second vagina she ***** all the other guys with.
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Old 07-06-2015, 11:14 AM   #22643
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I guess I love and trust my wife and can talk to her about spending on my hobbies instead of hiding things behind her back.

Tip: don't ask your wife about her secret second vagina she ***** all the other guys with.


Agreed.

We have one budget. I'd rather have some honest discussions and be 100% on the same page, than (implicitly) decide that we'll never agree about money and that it's easier to be unaware of the other's spending habits.

I know that the two budgets/two bank accounts thing works for some couples, but for us it just seems like a way to be ever-so-slightly dishonest with each other. I'm not embarrassed about my spending, so why would I hide it from my wife?
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Old 07-06-2015, 01:00 PM   #22644
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both scenarios suck
1) hiding/lying/holding back
2) your ***** are in her pocket, and you don't get the car you want, the mods you want, etc.

I choose option 3) she actually encourages you to mod your car and get the car you want because you both have more than enough money, and are in the age where you should be enjoying things like cars, because in 20 years when you're 50 you wont' be able to (or rather, won't even want to, you'll have much more important priorities)
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Old 07-06-2015, 01:22 PM   #22645
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both scenarios suck
1) hiding/lying/holding back
2) your ***** are in her pocket, and you don't get the car you want, the mods you want, etc.

I choose option 3) she actually encourages you to mod your car and get the car you want because you both have more than enough money, and are in the age where you should be enjoying things like cars, because in 20 years when you're 50 you wont' be able to (or rather, won't even want to, you'll have much more important priorities)
How does setting common goals and budgets equal "***** in her pocket"? Maybe if you HAD the *****, then you could keep them in your own pocket.

I figure it's like this:

couple sets a cooperative budget, which can include discretionary funds for each of you to spend however you like. If you want to agree that you get $1000 per month to spend on car ****, then go for it. If you need to buy a car or toy or whatever, pull it out of the discretionary money. If you want to discuss getting the car you want and it's more than the discretionary budget, talk to her about your common goals and if they can be adjusted to get you your car. It's not hard and doesn't mean you have no power.

You didn't marry your wife to give her power over you nor did you marry her to keep secrets from her, I hope. Just be an adult and **** will work out. If you're afraid to suggest your expensive personal desires, that's something you'll have to work out. She wants fun **** too. Work together. Be equitable.

Once you have a common goal (e.g. saving for child college or trip to see transgendered thai hooker pingpong ***** in bangkok) you will already know if blowing $17k on a shitty, beater project car is appropriate or not without having to start the discussion.
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Old 07-06-2015, 01:47 PM   #22646
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I choose option 3) she actually encourages you to mod your car and get the car you want because you both have more than enough money, and are in the age where you should be enjoying things like cars, because in 20 years when you're 50 you wont' be able to (or rather, won't even want to, you'll have much more important priorities)
I have something similar to this but everything gets funneled through my Paypal account. She knows we'll both go insane if I have to justify everything and she does not want to worry about it. I'm lucky in that her Dad is a "car guy" so she recognizes the brain damage and also understands what kind of stresses this can cause. Its not that anything is a secret, its just not a prority, if that makes sense. A couple years ago I sold a bunch of guns and other hobby stuff I wasn't using to prop up my Paypal and now its my automotive slush fund. She encourages me to work on stuff but I don't spend "new money" on anything unless its something that's previously discussed. She had no problem when I put most of my bonus in there last year, so I built a motor and we went on vacation. Happy wife, happy life.
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Old 07-06-2015, 02:00 PM   #22647
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man up and be an adult? **** you y8s.
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Old 07-06-2015, 02:13 PM   #22648
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A little too much whiskey in your coffee this morning Mr Braineack?
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Old 07-06-2015, 02:42 PM   #22649
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How does setting common goals and budgets equal "***** in her pocket"? Maybe if you HAD the *****, then you could keep them in your own pocket.

I figure it's like this:

couple sets a cooperative budget, which can include discretionary funds for each of you to spend however you like. If you want to agree that you get $1000 per month to spend on car ****, then go for it. If you need to buy a car or toy or whatever, pull it out of the discretionary money. If you want to discuss getting the car you want and it's more than the discretionary budget, talk to her about your common goals and if they can be adjusted to get you your car. It's not hard and doesn't mean you have no power.

You didn't marry your wife to give her power over you nor did you marry her to keep secrets from her, I hope. Just be an adult and **** will work out. If you're afraid to suggest your expensive personal desires, that's something you'll have to work out. She wants fun **** too. Work together. Be equitable.

Once you have a common goal (e.g. saving for child college or trip to see transgendered thai hooker pingpong ***** in bangkok) you will already know if blowing $17k on a shitty, beater project car is appropriate or not without having to start the discussion.
The guy that couldn't even buy a beater earlier cause he can't spend more than xx amount of money is telling me I don't have *****?

OK

I'm guessing that 2nd and 3rd part wasn't for me too, it doesn't even begin to apply.
Don't be mad, I'm not the one to lash out at, I'm not the one with your ***** in my pocket.

My wife is happy when I'm enjoying my cars. our houses are paid off and all my cars are bought with cash. I finance nothing, literally. I'm the one that holds myself back from buying expensive/unnecessary stuff, not my wife. She trusts me and I trust her

y u mad doe
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man up and be an adult? **** you y8s.
you mad cuz you still don't have a downpipe on your car lulz
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Old 07-06-2015, 02:46 PM   #22650
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man up and be an adult? **** you y8s.
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Old 07-06-2015, 06:19 PM   #22651
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The guy that couldn't even buy a beater earlier cause he can't spend more than xx amount of money is telling me I don't have *****?

OK

I'm guessing that 2nd and 3rd part wasn't for me too, it doesn't even begin to apply.
Don't be mad, I'm not the one to lash out at, I'm not the one with your ***** in my pocket.

My wife is happy when I'm enjoying my cars. our houses are paid off and all my cars are bought with cash. I finance nothing, literally. I'm the one that holds myself back from buying expensive/unnecessary stuff, not my wife. She trusts me and I trust her

y u mad doe
wat

I don't want a beater. I was speaking generally about anyone who thinks that making their own hobby purchase decisions is mutually exclusive from commnicating with their spouse.
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Old 07-06-2015, 06:21 PM   #22652
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oh that part I think we all agree on.
I never understand seperate bank accounts or any of that other crap.
Why even get married if you're gonna lie/withhold
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Old 07-06-2015, 06:27 PM   #22653
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Wow, I didn't realize this would cause such a shitstorm. When I said wife was mad, it was more of a "you said this, then did the opposite". Not like I had to sleep on the couch or anything. When I explained that these were parts I thought I already had, and they were necessary for the clutch job, she was still annoyed with me, but understood the reason for making the purchase. Had it been something purely cosmetic, that would have been a different story.

It in no way impacts our finances. I have more cash in my pocket right now than I spent. House is paid off, cars are always paid off (special fund for them), and we have a healthy bank balance. Hell, it was the wife that told me to buy the Quickjack last year when I was undecided. She understands the car bug.
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Old 07-06-2015, 06:29 PM   #22654
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oh that part I think we all agree on.
I never understand seperate bank accounts or any of that other crap.
Why even get married if you're gonna lie/withhold
Agree 100%. that never made sense to me. It's a partnership, and if you don't trust that one person, then they are not the right one.
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Old 07-06-2015, 06:30 PM   #22655
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NO!

YOU MUST BE MAD.

SO MAD.

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Old 07-06-2015, 06:31 PM   #22656
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oh that part I think we all agree on.
I never understand seperate bank accounts or any of that other crap.
Why even get married if you're gonna lie/withhold
Separate bank accounts work for A LOT of people and it isn't about lying or withholding. Its because people spend money in many different ways and sometimes this creates nitpicky problems that don't even need to occur. Money for common bills and goals goes into a joint account and all play money is kept in separate accounts so you don't question why she keeps buying random makeup and other little bullshit constantly and she doesn't question the occasional large purchase you make. You both just know the other person is sticking within their play money budget and all other stress and judgement is completely avoided.
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Old 07-06-2015, 06:33 PM   #22657
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Separate bank accounts work for A LOT of people and it isn't about lying or withholding. Its because people spend money in many different ways and sometimes this creates nitpicky problems that don't even need to occur. Money for common bills and goals goes into a joint account and all play money is kept in separate accounts so you don't question why she keeps buying random makeup and other little bullshit constantly and she doesn't question the occasional large purchase you make. You both just know the other person is sticking within their play money budget and all other stress and judgement is completely avoided.
But if you trust each other, why would you even question?

You're creating a solution to a problem that shouldn't exist.
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Old 07-06-2015, 06:38 PM   #22658
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But if you trust each other, why would you even question?

You're creating a solution to a problem that shouldn't exist.
Because people are complicated and everyone operates differently. Which is why there are different solutions for different couples. Crazy I know.

But, case in point, rleete got questioned about his purchase even though it had no effect on finances. Was it a real problem? No. If he got question about his purchases 1000 times could it become a real problem? Yes, and it is a pretty common one.

People do not always act rationally about money, especially when it is being used in a way that they see no value in personally. Its just human psychology.
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Old 07-06-2015, 06:38 PM   #22659
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oh that part I think we all agree on.
I never understand seperate bank accounts or any of that other crap.
Why even get married if you're gonna lie/withhold
Why are separate accounts about lying/withholding? It sounds to me like it's just an easy way of doing discretionary budget accounting. Put X dollars into the account every month, spend it on whatever you want.

It's not the method my wife and I use, but it seems reasonable.

--Ian
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Old 07-06-2015, 06:43 PM   #22660
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Why are separate accounts about lying/withholding? It sounds to me like it's just an easy way of doing discretionary budget accounting. Put X dollars into the account every month, spend it on whatever you want.

It's not the method my wife and I use, but it seems reasonable.

--Ian
If the purpose is to simply designate personal spending money, I don't see the issue.

If the purpose is to avoid conflict because both parties fundamentally disagree with the other's spending habits, then I disagree. It's just avoiding the issue and that dishonesty and disagreement will eventually boil over into other issues.
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