How (and why) to Ramble on your goat sideways
07-05-2015, 07:56 AM
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Ramble On & on & on & on - Random Topics Thread
Separate accounts + never saying something like you are finished spending + not discussing specifics unnecessarily = gentle bliss.
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07-06-2015, 09:54 AM
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Tip: don't ask your wife about her secret second vagina she ***** all the other guys with.
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07-06-2015, 10:14 AM
Agreed.
We have one budget. I'd rather have some honest discussions and be 100% on the same page, than (implicitly) decide that we'll never agree about money and that it's easier to be unaware of the other's spending habits.
I know that the two budgets/two bank accounts thing works for some couples, but for us it just seems like a way to be ever-so-slightly dishonest with each other. I'm not embarrassed about my spending, so why would I hide it from my wife?
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07-06-2015, 12:00 PM
both scenarios suck
1) hiding/lying/holding back
2) your ***** are in her pocket, and you don't get the car you want, the mods you want, etc.
I choose option 3) she actually encourages you to mod your car and get the car you want because you both have more than enough money, and are in the age where you should be enjoying things like cars, because in 20 years when you're 50 you wont' be able to (or rather, won't even want to, you'll have much more important priorities)
1) hiding/lying/holding back
2) your ***** are in her pocket, and you don't get the car you want, the mods you want, etc.
I choose option 3) she actually encourages you to mod your car and get the car you want because you both have more than enough money, and are in the age where you should be enjoying things like cars, because in 20 years when you're 50 you wont' be able to (or rather, won't even want to, you'll have much more important priorities)
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07-06-2015, 12:22 PM
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both scenarios suck
1) hiding/lying/holding back
2) your ***** are in her pocket, and you don't get the car you want, the mods you want, etc.
I choose option 3) she actually encourages you to mod your car and get the car you want because you both have more than enough money, and are in the age where you should be enjoying things like cars, because in 20 years when you're 50 you wont' be able to (or rather, won't even want to, you'll have much more important priorities)
1) hiding/lying/holding back
2) your ***** are in her pocket, and you don't get the car you want, the mods you want, etc.
I choose option 3) she actually encourages you to mod your car and get the car you want because you both have more than enough money, and are in the age where you should be enjoying things like cars, because in 20 years when you're 50 you wont' be able to (or rather, won't even want to, you'll have much more important priorities)
I figure it's like this:
couple sets a cooperative budget, which can include discretionary funds for each of you to spend however you like. If you want to agree that you get $1000 per month to spend on car ****, then go for it. If you need to buy a car or toy or whatever, pull it out of the discretionary money. If you want to discuss getting the car you want and it's more than the discretionary budget, talk to her about your common goals and if they can be adjusted to get you your car. It's not hard and doesn't mean you have no power.
You didn't marry your wife to give her power over you nor did you marry her to keep secrets from her, I hope. Just be an adult and **** will work out. If you're afraid to suggest your expensive personal desires, that's something you'll have to work out. She wants fun **** too. Work together. Be equitable.
Once you have a common goal (e.g. saving for child college or trip to see transgendered thai hooker pingpong ***** in bangkok) you will already know if blowing $17k on a shitty, beater project car is appropriate or not without having to start the discussion.
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07-06-2015, 12:47 PM
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I choose option 3) she actually encourages you to mod your car and get the car you want because you both have more than enough money, and are in the age where you should be enjoying things like cars, because in 20 years when you're 50 you wont' be able to (or rather, won't even want to, you'll have much more important priorities)
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07-06-2015, 01:42 PM
How does setting common goals and budgets equal "***** in her pocket"? Maybe if you HAD the *****, then you could keep them in your own pocket.
I figure it's like this:
couple sets a cooperative budget, which can include discretionary funds for each of you to spend however you like. If you want to agree that you get $1000 per month to spend on car ****, then go for it. If you need to buy a car or toy or whatever, pull it out of the discretionary money. If you want to discuss getting the car you want and it's more than the discretionary budget, talk to her about your common goals and if they can be adjusted to get you your car. It's not hard and doesn't mean you have no power.
You didn't marry your wife to give her power over you nor did you marry her to keep secrets from her, I hope. Just be an adult and **** will work out. If you're afraid to suggest your expensive personal desires, that's something you'll have to work out. She wants fun **** too. Work together. Be equitable.
Once you have a common goal (e.g. saving for child college or trip to see transgendered thai hooker pingpong ***** in bangkok) you will already know if blowing $17k on a shitty, beater project car is appropriate or not without having to start the discussion.
I figure it's like this:
couple sets a cooperative budget, which can include discretionary funds for each of you to spend however you like. If you want to agree that you get $1000 per month to spend on car ****, then go for it. If you need to buy a car or toy or whatever, pull it out of the discretionary money. If you want to discuss getting the car you want and it's more than the discretionary budget, talk to her about your common goals and if they can be adjusted to get you your car. It's not hard and doesn't mean you have no power.
You didn't marry your wife to give her power over you nor did you marry her to keep secrets from her, I hope. Just be an adult and **** will work out. If you're afraid to suggest your expensive personal desires, that's something you'll have to work out. She wants fun **** too. Work together. Be equitable.
Once you have a common goal (e.g. saving for child college or trip to see transgendered thai hooker pingpong ***** in bangkok) you will already know if blowing $17k on a shitty, beater project car is appropriate or not without having to start the discussion.
OK
I'm guessing that 2nd and 3rd part wasn't for me too, it doesn't even begin to apply.
Don't be mad, I'm not the one to lash out at, I'm not the one with your ***** in my pocket.
My wife is happy when I'm enjoying my cars. our houses are paid off and all my cars are bought with cash. I finance nothing, literally. I'm the one that holds myself back from buying expensive/unnecessary stuff, not my wife. She trusts me and I trust her
y u mad doe
you mad cuz you still don't have a downpipe on your car lulz
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07-06-2015, 05:19 PM
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The guy that couldn't even buy a beater earlier cause he can't spend more than xx amount of money is telling me I don't have *****?
OK
I'm guessing that 2nd and 3rd part wasn't for me too, it doesn't even begin to apply.
Don't be mad, I'm not the one to lash out at, I'm not the one with your ***** in my pocket.
My wife is happy when I'm enjoying my cars. our houses are paid off and all my cars are bought with cash. I finance nothing, literally. I'm the one that holds myself back from buying expensive/unnecessary stuff, not my wife. She trusts me and I trust her
y u mad doe
OK
I'm guessing that 2nd and 3rd part wasn't for me too, it doesn't even begin to apply.
Don't be mad, I'm not the one to lash out at, I'm not the one with your ***** in my pocket.
My wife is happy when I'm enjoying my cars. our houses are paid off and all my cars are bought with cash. I finance nothing, literally. I'm the one that holds myself back from buying expensive/unnecessary stuff, not my wife. She trusts me and I trust her
y u mad doe
I don't want a beater. I was speaking generally about anyone who thinks that making their own hobby purchase decisions is mutually exclusive from commnicating with their spouse.
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07-06-2015, 05:27 PM
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Wow, I didn't realize this would cause such a shitstorm. When I said wife was mad, it was more of a "you said this, then did the opposite". Not like I had to sleep on the couch or anything. When I explained that these were parts I thought I already had, and they were necessary for the clutch job, she was still annoyed with me, but understood the reason for making the purchase. Had it been something purely cosmetic, that would have been a different story.
It in no way impacts our finances. I have more cash in my pocket right now than I spent. House is paid off, cars are always paid off (special fund for them), and we have a healthy bank balance. Hell, it was the wife that told me to buy the Quickjack last year when I was undecided. She understands the car bug.
It in no way impacts our finances. I have more cash in my pocket right now than I spent. House is paid off, cars are always paid off (special fund for them), and we have a healthy bank balance. Hell, it was the wife that told me to buy the Quickjack last year when I was undecided. She understands the car bug.
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07-06-2015, 05:31 PM
Separate bank accounts work for A LOT of people and it isn't about lying or withholding. Its because people spend money in many different ways and sometimes this creates nitpicky problems that don't even need to occur. Money for common bills and goals goes into a joint account and all play money is kept in separate accounts so you don't question why she keeps buying random makeup and other little bullshit constantly and she doesn't question the occasional large purchase you make. You both just know the other person is sticking within their play money budget and all other stress and judgement is completely avoided.
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07-06-2015, 05:33 PM
Separate bank accounts work for A LOT of people and it isn't about lying or withholding. Its because people spend money in many different ways and sometimes this creates nitpicky problems that don't even need to occur. Money for common bills and goals goes into a joint account and all play money is kept in separate accounts so you don't question why she keeps buying random makeup and other little bullshit constantly and she doesn't question the occasional large purchase you make. You both just know the other person is sticking within their play money budget and all other stress and judgement is completely avoided.
You're creating a solution to a problem that shouldn't exist.
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07-06-2015, 05:38 PM
But, case in point, rleete got questioned about his purchase even though it had no effect on finances. Was it a real problem? No. If he got question about his purchases 1000 times could it become a real problem? Yes, and it is a pretty common one.
People do not always act rationally about money, especially when it is being used in a way that they see no value in personally. Its just human psychology.
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07-06-2015, 05:38 PM
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It's not the method my wife and I use, but it seems reasonable.
--Ian
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07-06-2015, 05:43 PM
Why are separate accounts about lying/withholding? It sounds to me like it's just an easy way of doing discretionary budget accounting. Put X dollars into the account every month, spend it on whatever you want.
It's not the method my wife and I use, but it seems reasonable.
--Ian
It's not the method my wife and I use, but it seems reasonable.
--Ian
If the purpose is to avoid conflict because both parties fundamentally disagree with the other's spending habits, then I disagree. It's just avoiding the issue and that dishonesty and disagreement will eventually boil over into other issues.
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