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Old 07-29-2010, 01:02 AM   #41
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Allright, enough with counting ******* almonds. I am going to ban the next person who counts a nut, regardless of whether you post about it or not. We have ways of knowing these things.

I honestly intended this thread to just be one of my usual Hooveresque rants about the very trivial, of which I hadn't had one in a while, and now y'all actually have me taking it seriously...

First off, NA6C-Guy, those Boston Market dinners are actually pretty damned good.


Now, on a whim, I decided to quantify the probable effects of the rum & colas which I enjoy so very much in the evening. I made a typical pour into the tumbler, and then drained it into a graduated cylinder. Came in at exactly 80ml, which translates to 2.7 ounces. At 64 calories in an ounce, that's 173 calories in a pour.

Who knew that an ounce was such a small quantity of liquid? This is what I get for owning nothing but Japanese and German cars and working in the engineering sector- I don't know **** about SAE units of measurement.

At any rate, on a typical evening, I'll generally consume about four of these. That's 692 calories, which is more than a Big Mac, more than a Whopper, more even than the much-vilified KFC Double-Down, and that thing is two pieces of bacon and two slices of cheese-like substance surrounded by two pieces of fried chicken and something rather mysteriously referred to as the Colonel's Sauce.

**** me...
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Old 07-29-2010, 01:07 AM   #42
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You need to make friends with vodka and cranberry juice. It sucks, but its low on the calorie ladder

Or just give your liver a fighting chance and lower your risk of pneumonia and can the booze.... Who'm I kidding though, booze is nice!
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Old 07-29-2010, 01:37 AM   #43
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Originally Posted by Joe Perez View Post
Allright, enough with counting ******* almonds. I am going to ban the next person who counts a nut, regardless of whether you post about it or not. We have ways of knowing these things.

I honestly intended this thread to just be one of my usual Hooveresque rants about the very trivial, of which I hadn't had one in a while, and now y'all actually have me taking it seriously...

First off, NA6C-Guy, those Boston Market dinners are actually pretty damned good.


Now, on a whim, I decided to quantify the probable effects of the rum & colas which I enjoy so very much in the evening. I made a typical pour into the tumbler, and then drained it into a graduated cylinder. Came in at exactly 80ml, which translates to 2.7 ounces. At 64 calories in an ounce, that's 173 calories in a pour.

Who knew that an ounce was such a small quantity of liquid? This is what I get for owning nothing but Japanese and German cars and working in the engineering sector- I don't know **** about SAE units of measurement.

At any rate, on a typical evening, I'll generally consume about four of these. That's 692 calories, which is more than a Big Mac, more than a Whopper, more even than the much-vilified KFC Double-Down, and that thing is two pieces of bacon and two slices of cheese-like substance surrounded by two pieces of fried chicken and something rather mysteriously referred to as the Colonel's Sauce.

**** me...
I told you that you were fucked. Lifestyle change here you come. I recommend the baby steps- start drinking everclear instead of rum. For the calories, you will get almost twice the alcohol!

Other habits are cheaper though. Like exercise.

You know you'd have to walk/run 6 miles to burn that 700 calories right?
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Old 07-29-2010, 01:38 AM   #44
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******* funny post.. excellent writing skills too Joe.

faeflora said it best:

- amount of food you eat (intake)
- quality of food you eat (octane fuel)
- amount of exercise (exhaust)

some more tidbits:
- eat slower, gives you more time to enjoy your food, feel full, and easier digestion
- careful with salt and salty foods. water retentions a bitch hommie
- some people have a problem with this as it can very on how you were raised but, i always tend to leave something in my plate. basically, dont over-eat.
- if you dont already do so, drink more water. often times we dont drink enough water and then feel hungry. water tends to fill the void
- eat more frequently, but smaller portions - easier to digest and easier on keeping your metabolism steady

gotta watch out or else its like george lopez says, you'll end up looking like the cool aid guy :-)

hey, wheres the pic of you and the fatness? hehe

Last edited by old_s13; 07-29-2010 at 02:04 AM.
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Old 07-29-2010, 01:40 AM   #45
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**** cheese.
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Old 07-29-2010, 02:08 AM   #46
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Ahem, allow me to orate.

I believe this vicious quandary is more of a reflex to what society has deemed to be the status quo. The emaciated silhouette you long to be would not suit your kingly demeanor. To unnecessarily deprive yourself and curtail your id, itself is an exercise in futility.

To abrogate this fine fromage from said culinary masterpiece and yield it's venue to an inferior morsel would be an insult to your palette. To deny this urge, this simple pleasure, would be as if the phoenix denied himself flight. It would be blasphemy.

In other words, live life, eat the ******* cheese.
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Old 07-29-2010, 02:31 AM   #47
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Originally Posted by lordrigamus View Post
Ahem, allow me to orate.

I believe this vicious quandary is more of a reflex to what society has deemed to be the status quo. The emaciated silhouette you long to be would not suit your kingly demeanor. To unnecessarily deprive yourself and curtail your id, itself is an exercise in futility.

To abrogate this fine fromage from said culinary masterpiece and yield it's venue to an inferior morsel would be an insult to your palette. To deny this urge, this simple pleasure, would be as if the phoenix denied himself flight. It would be blasphemy.

In other words, live life, eat the ******* cheese.
i wholeheartedly concur with lord rigamus

viva la calorie



edit:

i took a gander in our fridge and my wife apparently prefers Sargento cheese. one thing that put a smile on my face after reading the package was their slogan of "Our family's passion is CHEESE" - oh boy... how exciting.


btw, i wont comment on whether or not the cheese is any good.

Last edited by old_s13; 07-29-2010 at 02:42 AM.
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Old 07-29-2010, 03:50 AM   #48
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i wholeheartedly concur with lord rigamus

viva la calorie
In the old days when manual labor was the norm, that could fly. In todays society it does not..... unless you want to be like the fat train wreck I've become...
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Old 07-29-2010, 08:05 AM   #49
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Never would have figured Joe Perez a smoker.
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Old 07-29-2010, 08:27 AM   #50
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lordrigamus View Post
Ahem, allow me to orate.

I believe this vicious quandary is more of a reflex to what society has deemed to be the status quo. The emaciated silhouette you long to be would not suit your kingly demeanor. To unnecessarily deprive yourself and curtail your id, itself is an exercise in futility.

To abrogate this fine fromage from said culinary masterpiece and yield it's venue to an inferior morsel would be an insult to your palette. To deny this urge, this simple pleasure, would be as if the phoenix denied himself flight. It would be blasphemy.
You guys are sounding like a bunch of God Damn Queers!
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Old 07-29-2010, 08:30 AM   #51
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Never would have figured Joe Perez a smoker.
I always wondered how I never picked up on it...but suits his character. I guess I knew he'd smoke a cigar though.

Congrats on quitting Joe. Right at 5 yrs since I stopped, and I still want to light up again every day. Only time that's never been true has been when I'm in a good daily workout regimen, but those never stick more than a few months.
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Old 07-29-2010, 10:12 AM   #52
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I used to drink coffee and smoke. Giving both up has made me hungry, constantly. I have to fight the urge to pig out all day long simply to maintain weight. But if you're gonna eat cheese, you might as well go for the good stuff.
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Old 07-29-2010, 10:16 AM   #53
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You guys are sounding like a bunch of God Damn Queers!
Alas, this young lad surely does not have even the slightest of understanding of the sarcastic whimsical humor which is so dearly employed in this ravishingly enjoyable thread. (haha ****, reminds me of that Dave Chappelle skit where he's wearing a powdered wig talking about making love to thy bottom haha)


Quote:
Originally Posted by chpmnsws6 View Post
In the old days when manual labor was the norm, that could fly. In todays society it does not..... unless you want to be like the fat train wreck I've become...
Send us your weak. Send us your poor. Send us your fat. The ClearCorners federation is an equal opportunity agency and will hire anyone regardless of shape, size or capacity.

best of luck gentlemen,
mike / clearcorners.com

ps: A very wise friend of mine once said: you dont control the fatness, it controls YOU.
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Old 07-29-2010, 11:28 AM   #54
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All 24 of my nuts all up in some gay Miata owners mouth.

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Old 07-29-2010, 11:29 AM   #55
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lordrigamus View Post
Ahem, allow me to orate.

I believe this vicious quandary is more of a reflex to what society has deemed to be the status quo. The emaciated silhouette you long to be would not suit your kingly demeanor. To unnecessarily deprive yourself and curtail your id, itself is an exercise in futility.

To abrogate this fine fromage from said culinary masterpiece and yield it's venue to an inferior morsel would be an insult to your palette. To deny this urge, this simple pleasure, would be as if the phoenix denied himself flight. It would be blasphemy.

In other words, live life, eat the ******* cheese.
the status quo IS the inferior morsel.

when was the last time you saw a king eating a big mac? (kings of burgers and mayors of cheese do not count here)


Joe and anyone else: pick up Michael Pollan's books and give them a read. Particularly In Defense of Food, and Food Rules. He's got a pretty good no-nonsense approach to changing your eating habits without making you starve to death.
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Old 07-29-2010, 11:35 AM   #56
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"The FDA has America strung out
On drugs in beef no doubt
So if you think that what I say is a bunch of crock
Tell yourself you're gonna try and stop
Eatin meat and you'll see you can't compete
It's the number one drug on the street"

ah man i just had to post this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKHrmJQVpv8
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Old 07-29-2010, 11:37 AM   #57
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The human body requires nutritional value AND caloric intake

That is to say that eating purely calories will not satisfy your hunger and you will want more. But if you eat a nutritionally rich meal (dark leafy greens, high protein meats, fruits, berries, nuts, etc) then your body will get the valuables it needs to keep functioning and not be so hungry.

If you eat nutritionally empty crap like carby carb-carb foods or cheap meats, your body will still hunger for them. You'll go back for more shitty food (mcdonalds?) and the cycle repeats until you're fat and almost get what you need to survive.

It's really not that complicated and can be done with a few simple ideas.
[LIST][*]shop at a local farmers market (if you have one) every week. buy your meats and vegetables there. the stuff produced by small time farmers is more nutrient and FLAVOR dense than mass produced food that is designed to sit in a big truck for most of its existence. grass fed beef (or better yet, bison) has a lower fat content, higher omega 3 content, and significantly higher protein content per unit weight than average store-bought meat. if you dont have a farmer's market, go to whole foods and buy their local/organic stuff.
[*]eat your carbs in whole grain form. brown rice instead of white. whole wheat instead of wonder bread.
[*]dont buy snack foods (crackers, cookies, chips) for your house; buy fruits (fresh or dried) and nuts.
[*]drink only water and beer (and the occasional hard liquor if you want). soda does nothing for nobody. if you need soda in your life, make it hard to aquire--get only cane sugar soda or some other weird rule. dont bother with diet soda, just wean yourself. or replace it with fruit juice (not fruit flavored drink!) and club soda if you need fizz.
^This.

Joe, if you want to improve your longterm health and lose weight, forget all other advice else in this thread except what's above.

The American diet is a train wreck.

Go back to basics -- high nutrient density foods (loads of veggies & fruits), whole grains, water, (not fruit juice, that's simply sugar without the micronutrients and fiber of the donor fruit). No bullshit processed "foods". Minimize animal proteins.

Eat as much of the above as you want. Freaking gorge yourself on them. You'll never have to count calories and you'll lose weight and fortify yourself against cancers like it was your job. Likely the above doesn't sound too appealing at first but you will develop a taste (and a preference) for it.

/thread
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Old 07-29-2010, 01:12 PM   #58
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Originally Posted by dpexp View Post
Never would have figured Joe Perez a smoker.
He probably smoked a whole packing writing that ******* diatribe about the virtues of the contents of a real panini vs that of the redneck panini (grilled cheese with a Kraft single).

Jesus Christ, can I have that 5 minutes of my life back? I could take a good dump or something.

Frank
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