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Old 09-24-2008, 03:45 PM   #1
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Default Is Hustler selling his bicycle? Best of Craigslist ad.

Manly Bike for Sale

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Date: 2008-07-22, 10:18AM PDT



Bike for sale


What kind of bike? I don't know, I'm not a bike scientist. What I am though is a manly guy looking to sell his bike. This bike is made out of metal and kick *** spokes. The back reflector was taken off, but if you think that deters me from riding at night, you're way wrong. I practiced ninja training in Japan's mount Fuji for 5 years and the first rule they teach about ninja biking is that back reflectors let the enemy know where you are. Not having a rear reflector is like saying "**** YOU CAR, JUST TRY AND FIND ME".



The bike says Giant on the side because it's referring to my junk, but rest assured even if you have tiny junk that Giant advertisement is going to remain right where it is. I bought this bike for 300 dollars from a retired mercenary that fought in both World War 1 and World War 2 and had his right arm bitten off by a shark in the Phillipines while stationed there as a shark handler. When he sold it to me I had to arm wrestle him for the honor to buy it. I broke his arm in 7 places when I did. He was so impressed with me he offered me to be his son but I thought that was sissy **** so I said no way.



The bike has some rusted screws, but that just shows how much of a bad *** you are. Everyone knows rusted screws on a bike means that you probably drove it underwater and that's bad *** in itself. Those screws can be replaced with shiny new ones, but if you're going to go to that trouble why not just punch yourself in the ***** since you're probably a dickless lizard who doesn't like to look intimidating.



The bike is for men because the seat is flat or some **** and not shaped like a *****. If you like flat seated bikes you're going to love this thing because it doesn't try to penetrate your *** or anything.



I've topped out at 75 miles per hour on this uphill but if you're just a regular man you'll probably top it out at 10 miles per hour. This thing is listed as a street bike which is man-code for bike tank. The bike has 7 speeds in total:


Gear 1 - Sissy Gear
Gear 2 - Less Sissy Gear
Gear 3 - Least Sissy Gear
Gear 4 - Boy Gear
Gear 5 - Pre-teen Boy Gear
Gear 6 - Manly Gear
Gear 7 - Big Muscles Gear

I only like gear 6 and 7 to be honest.


Additionally, this tool of all immense men comes with a gigantic lock to keep it secure. The lock is the size of a bull's ********* and tells people you don't **** around with locking up your bike tank. It tells would-be-thieves "Hey *******, touch this bike and I'll appear from the bushes ready to club you with a two-by-four".


Bike is for 150 OBO (and don't give me no panzy prices)
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Old 09-24-2008, 03:52 PM   #2
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Someone has waaaaayy to much time on their hands.
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Old 09-24-2008, 04:20 PM   #3
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no pictures of said man bike? lmao. That is ******* awesome.
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Old 09-24-2008, 06:01 PM   #4
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Seriously that just screamed "Hustler" when I read it. Miss that little punk bee-atch. Thought others might need a fix too.
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Old 09-24-2008, 06:11 PM   #5
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Damn that does sound like hustler. Only thing it lacked was a death threat for pissing him off after he got out of survival training wherever he's stationed right now... We need hustler back....
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Old 09-24-2008, 06:15 PM   #6
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It does mention junk punching, arm breaking, ninja training and penetration though!
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Old 09-24-2008, 06:56 PM   #7
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So is Hustler off on some important government mission or some bullshit or has he just opted to not post on the site anymore since he was temp-banned on a couple of occasions?
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Old 09-24-2008, 08:19 PM   #8
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I shot him and ate his liver.
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Old 09-24-2008, 10:43 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KPLAFIN View Post
So is Hustler off on some important government mission or some bullshit or has he just opted to not post on the site anymore since he was temp-banned on a couple of occasions?
I opt for a sandy vagina.
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Old 09-25-2008, 10:44 AM   #10
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Told him he needs to post over the weekend.....
Think he is just playin' with his man-junk of a Miata before being deployed to some third world death camp.
Death camps are
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