Are we talking about the cat or the GF?

 

the only hairy beast who handles her is me, and I'm keeping her in captivity.

 

Thats it, im reporting you to the animal protective services, right after I find out if they exist

 

My cousins have a pet cheetah, its very cool. They raised it from a cub because its mother abandoned it. It was basicly a German Shepard sized kitten for a year then it decided that it wanted to start eating the house staff so they let it run wild for a year so it could go get laid. Then it started coming back to the house more and more often and has become a **** off guard dog that sleeps on the stoop.

Oh and before this sounds too rediculous I should probably mention that they are game keepers with a massive reserve in Zimbabwe.