Speaking of turds, I will now tell a family friendly joke.
A young man walks into the patent office and says to the clerk, "I have an amazing new cookie recipe which I would like to patent."
The clerk replies, "Cookies aren't exactly new, and even if it were, what makes your cookies novel enough for anyone to care?"
The young man produces a cookie from a sack and says, "Sir, these cookies taste exactly like *****."
Skeptical, the clerk takes the cookie and says, "Well if that's true, you may have a million dollar product here!"
He takes a bite, and immediately spits it out.
"These cookies taste like ****!"
The young man replies, "Ahh, you just took too big of a bite."

 

If you find yourself complaining about the proximity of the trash to the fridge, it may be time to clean the kitchen.