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Few are the number of days in which I can't even. This is one of them.
Hopefully your choices, Katy, will not significantly disrupt the development of your [gender-neutral descriptor for son / daughter.] Though I doubt it.
Why I’m raising my child outside of gender assumptions and stereotypes By Katy Chatel July 22
I like to dismantle assumptions. I questioned assumptions about sex, gender and identifying characteristics long before I had a child. Being a parent, though, gives me fuel to counter stereotypes. I don’t want my child to feel limited by gender and the expectations of others. I’m not trying to raise my child without gender; I’m trying to raise him with a consciousness and freedom to express himself and embrace others.
When I was pregnant I chose not to reveal the sex of my fetus. I knew it, although sometimes I said I didn’t. Many people — both close and unknown — were aggravated with me for not sharing the information. I withheld my fetus’s sex not to annoy everyone, but because I wasn’t ready to let this information out before anyone, including me, had met my child.
I chose not to reveal Jessey’s sex on his birth announcements because I wanted to share my excitement in welcoming this new baby into the world, not as a baby whose sex would be synonymous with girl or boy but as a baby who had yet to be named. I waited to name him because I felt he needed time adjusting from existing in utero to living in the wide open world. There needed to be a pause to give him the opportunity to make himself known — to try out different names and gauge his response. I felt and still feel similarly about gender. Individuals should be free to express gender as they see fit. I had been told that genderization starts in utero. Witnessing it made it feel all the more ridiculous. I even had a family friend warn me, “You better like yellow because everything you’re gonna get will be yellow unless you fess up.”
Yellow. Somehow yellow has been designated the gender-neutral color of our era. There was a time when pink was the color for boys. A fascinating 2011 article in the Smithsonian Magazine documents the social trends when Franklin D. Roosevelt was growing up in the late 1800s. At that time, boys wore dresses and kept their hair long until age six or seven. Jessey is almost 3 and his long wispy curls add to the visual cues that make people assume he’s a girl.
[How my daughter and I turned around the princess play at least a little]
From infancy, Jessey had an array of clothes in different colors, patterns and styles. Some handmade, some marketed to boys, others to girls, and many gender-neutral hand-me-downs and thrift-store finds. From the time he could grasp objects in his hands, I have let Jessey pick his clothes. I hold up two outfits (both weather-appropriate and usually quite different from each other) and let him choose. Now that he is capable of rifling through his stacked outfits, he often matches his own. Mostly he wants whatever is comfortable: Footy pajamas, leggings, sweatpants, in that order.
I chose not to reveal Jessey’s sex on his birth announcements because I wanted to share my excitement in welcoming this new baby into the world, not as a baby whose sex would be synonymous with girl or boy but as a baby who had yet to be named. I waited to name him because I felt he needed time adjusting from existing in utero to living in the wide open world. There needed to be a pause to give him the opportunity to make himself known — to try out different names and gauge his response. I felt and still feel similarly about gender. Individuals should be free to express gender as they see fit. I had been told that genderization starts in utero. Witnessing it made it feel all the more ridiculous. I even had a family friend warn me, “You better like yellow because everything you’re gonna get will be yellow unless you fess up.”
Yellow. Somehow yellow has been designated the gender-neutral color of our era. There was a time when pink was the color for boys. A fascinating 2011 article in the Smithsonian Magazine documents the social trends when Franklin D. Roosevelt was growing up in the late 1800s. At that time, boys wore dresses and kept their hair long until age six or seven. Jessey is almost 3 and his long wispy curls add to the visual cues that make people assume he’s a girl.
[How my daughter and I turned around the princess play at least a little]
From infancy, Jessey had an array of clothes in different colors, patterns and styles. Some handmade, some marketed to boys, others to girls, and many gender-neutral hand-me-downs and thrift-store finds. From the time he could grasp objects in his hands, I have let Jessey pick his clothes. I hold up two outfits (both weather-appropriate and usually quite different from each other) and let him choose. Now that he is capable of rifling through his stacked outfits, he often matches his own. Mostly he wants whatever is comfortable: Footy pajamas, leggings, sweatpants, in that order.
We made it to the top of the hill. “I think maybe a goyle,” he said.
I love moments like these. I don’t want my child to struggle with internal identity but I want him (or her) to critically think and to consider things that many of us were (and still are) raised to assume.
The other night we stopped in the fire station. Jessey was in purple leggings and his new favorite top with a rainbow splash of hearts.
“It’s okay, come on in,” one of the firefighters said, waving to us. “Don’t be shy,” he said to Jessey.
People often assume that Jessey is shy when he is in clothes where he passes as a girl. Soon we were sent to a newbie firefighter. He walked us around the fire trucks, never offering to let Jessey climb inside. Sometimes the firefighters are busy. Sometimes they’re tired. They’re at work. That night they’d just come back from a run, but something told me that if Jessey were wearing a fire truck shirt they would have offered him a boost into the driver’s seat.
The newbie handed Jessey a helmet, then took it back, saying, “Don’t want to mess up your pretty hair.” During our visit I avoided using pronouns, feeling unsafe calling Jessey he. Where was my fuel in the face of such blatant gender bias? Maybe Jessey’s generation will be braver and more open than we are, and will challenge assumptions more.
We can’t change the way our children identify, nor should we. Boys will be boys or be girls or be boys regardless of the labels we assign. We honor each other by not forcing these constraints. We can change the way they feel about their identity. It is hard to imagine any parent wanting their child to feel shame, embarrassment or loneliness. Even for children who naturally lean far to one side of the gender spectrum, we dishonor the next generation if we don’t allow for gender and cultural assumptions to be questioned. We hurt our village of children when we don’t hold the door to the world open wide enough.
From what I see so far, Jessey is growing into a self-assured person who is not easily thrown by different perspectives. He is open to seeing others as individuals. I can’t raise my child in a utopian bubble, nor do I want to, but I hope we continue to grow in an environment with other families who question assumptions and strive to raise liberated children.
Katy Chatel is a writer and single mother by choice living with her son in Philadelphia.
Just another hippie, worried that normal behavior is somehow unfair and biased. Just like my cousin who let's her 4 year old run around naked, because she wants the child to make their own decisions and not be bound by the constraints of normal society.
Letting kids run around naked, especially in the summer months, is very common. America tends to frown on kids being naked after a certain age, but most of the world's beaches will show you that it is just fine to continue to go naked your whole life. You have to remember that America was founded by prudes and religious nut-jobs that were thrown out of Europe. I say go naked. Any embarrassment or shame you feel is not normal. Teaching your kids to be comfortable with their bodies only helps their self-esteem.
Her page is just mind-bending. Here's her "about me" section: About Me
Originally Posted by whiney blue-haired loser
about me
hi!! i’m riley and i’m 18! i’m an art major at colorado mesa university in grand junction but i’m originally from colorado springs (and before that, i lived in columbus, georgia for ten years)
i’m neutrois and i mostly use they/them pronouns, but sometimes i use others. this will be posted in my sidebar. i consider myself woman-aligned and very feminine, but never use she/her pronouns. please do not call me female, a girl/woman, or use she/her pronouns for me.
not sure what i am in terms of sexuality. i identified as asexual panromantic for a while, because i very rarely/never experienced sexual attraction, but i am uncertain about this now. i am attracted to people of all genders, but i greatly prefer girls and woman-aligned people. for the most part, i’ve just started calling myself bisexual to make things easier. also, i’m polyamorous!
i try my best to tag all common triggers, but if there’s anything i miss, please send me an ask and i’ll tag it for you! i answer pretty much every message i receive, so feel free to ask me stuff.
my interests include cosmetology, colorguard/winterguard, marching band & drum corps, astrology (placements: libra sun, cancer moon, capricorn rising, sagittarius dominant), dogs (my favorite breeds are borzoi, samoyeds, and all herding dogs), girls, cisphobia, misandry, and the classic and groundbreaking film “titanic” (1997, dir. james cameron.) i will accept any and all asks about these topics at absolutely any time.
i have two dogs and a gecko! i have a 5 year old border collie named cassie, a 1 ½ year old goldendoodle named teddy, and a juvenile snow leopard gecko named frosty. if you want to look at them, check out #cassie and #teddy. i don’t have a tag for frosty yet. probably gonna be hashtag frosty.
if we’re in a mutual: please tag #wasps, #bees, #eye gore/#eye horror, #needles - i have huge phobias of these and seeing pictures of them can make me have a panic attack. for completely alternate reasons, please tag me in pictures of borzoi if you ever reblog them; this is the one thing you can do to win my heart guaranteed.
here’s a list of things i tag (general trigger warning for mentions of sensitive subjects in link)
Yup. And here's the section where, I **** you not, she lists her privileges: List of Privileges
Originally Posted by whiney blue-haired loser
list of privileges
privileges:
white
thin
conveniently physically abled (i do have a physical disability, see below for more clarification.)
currently reliant on a middle class family (i am in college; my parents make around 60k a year and are paying for my dorm and my $30 phone plan as long as i stay on good terms with them. after i graduate - in two years, hopefully - i will not be receiving their support.)
dfab trans (as in, i do not experience transmisogyny; see below for more clarification.)
not intersex
disadvantages:
not straight (i identified as asexual panromantic for a while - i’ve since stopped using those terms for more personal reasons and am trying to work out my identity, but i do still experience attraction to people of all genders. for clarity’s sake, i mostly identify as bisexual for the time being.)
neuro-atypical/disabled (i have been diagnosed with OCD, ADHD, autism; i am formally undiagnosed but know i have generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD, psychosis, sensory processing disorder, and clinical depression, and i believe i have paranoid personality disorder and either dependent or borderline personality disorder. i also have plantar fasciitis, which severely impairs my ability to stay on my feet for long periods of time. however, it only flares up on days where i have to do 2+ hours of standing/walking, and it is unnoticeable as long as i am sitting. i am able to push through it in essential circumstances. additionally, i have very poor vision and rely on glasses to see.)
trans/non-binary (my exact gender is somewhere between agender and neutrois, and i consider myself to be transgender.)
feminine presenting/woman-aligned (despite this, i consider myself exclusively non-binary and only use they/them pronouns. sometimes i jokingly call myself a girl; however, other people misgendering me as female causes me a good deal of dysphoria.)
sex worker (not full service)
What in the actual ****?
I honestly had no idea that real people actually said **** like that. dfab trans? asexual panromantic? neuro-atypical? exclusively non-binary? Her "interests" include misandry?
Referring back to the political / current events thread in which cordycord accused me of being a liberal eugenicist... this is the kind of special snowflake who needs to learn what actual oppression is the hard way.
I'm pretty sure that the great equalizer in the no-spanking generation is men who are truly manly - I'd like to imagine that the no spanking generation started when a single female spanker got to know the children of a manly man (and his womanly wife) and then spread the word about how great kids can be when they're not spanked, completely ignoring the fact that her children didn't have a manly man in their life.
And then children who grow up without manly men for daddies tend to be either girly men or sexist women, and girly men and sexist women tend towards being single parents themselves - it's all a terrible death spiral.
I propose that we neuter all girly men - for the sake of humanity.
I think it means you can't **** or **** on her. IDK, I heard that in a movie once.
Its sad how she hates being labeled as a "girl" but she'll label herself in any other way imaginable. ******* generation is obsessed with labeling everything, personal or otherwise.
It's worse than the yuppie introduction of "hi, what do you do for a living?" "Work, ******, that's what I do for a living!"
Today it's "LOL! So you're like a progressive, huh?" "No, I'm not an anything. I think all political groups are corrupt and I hate labels!" Conversation over.
That's how I get rid of Jehova's Witnesses that want to preach to me. I tell them I'm an atheist (yes I labeled myself) and they just look at you stumped. Can't convert a non-believer.
It's a shame her parents didn't ever tell her to shut the **** up and that her opinion didn't matter because it wasn't her house.
I thank my father for that advice. It has served me well.
Her car was shot at btw, she was an older black woman who didn't see the ******* in the middle of the street, and she didnt stop because of mob of violent black criminals were shooting guns.
Officials revealed fuller details Wednesday of a Ferguson protest eruption the night before, in which several people fired shots into two vehicles after a man was struck by a car, apparently by accident.
Nobody was hit by gunfire that came from multiple directions, according to a statement from the city, and there were no reports of arrests.
Police have not yet located the man who was knocked down by the car on West Florissant Avenue just north of Ferguson Avenue just after dark. Friends whisked him away before paramedics arrived, leaving investigators to contact hospitals to try to identify him.
Ferguson police said he had ignored warnings to get out of the street.
The driver of a Chevrolet Impala told officers she was distracted by the 75 to 100 protesters when she struck him. Officials said, “All evidence supports her account of not seeing a person standing in the street, until it was too late to stop before hitting them.”
The driver was “too afraid to stop as she left the scene to contact police,” according to the city statement. Her car was struck by multiple bullets.
Police said a second vehicle, carrying two people and stopped at a signal nearby, also was struck by gunfire.
If your job involved driving a large van with an extendable mast holding a microwave dish sticking out of the top of it, do you think maybe you'd check to be sure that garage doors are open all the way before attempting to drive through them?
07-22-2016, 03:31 PM
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