shlammed

iTrader: (8)

I have been thinking about getting hitched and i need advice from those who have. Not the typical "dont do it" stuff... but real "this is what i did" or something


Its real, i am just nervous and stuff.


Note: this is real and not a joke.

Matt

PS, she loves my car...

samnavy

iTrader: (7)

The best piece of advice anybody can ever give you, is to tell your parents right at the start to STAY THE **** OUT OF IT! They don't get a say in ****... and I mean nothing. If they want to help out with the funds, that would be great. The only thing you want to tell them is the place and time... period.

If you set the precedent that your parents get a say in how you two plan to get married, stand by for a lifetime meddling bullshit.

Between you and the wife, you guys can figure it out. If you're in love for the right reasons, compatible, best friends, open/honest, etc..., then the only thing your parents can do is **** it up. Go to Vegas, her town, your town, in a church, on a beach, at a bar, skydiving, Bahamas, priest, hippie, red dresses, white tux... YOU DECIDE! If your mother-in-law is the type of woman who has dreamed here whole life about giving her daughter a big fancy wedding, then you're already completely fucked... I'm talking Hustler-style fucked.

Do yourself a favor, you tell them where and when, and if they want to come, you'd be happy to have them, otherwise they can shut the **** up. 9/10 of my friends who have marital problems also have insane ******* family issues, and the #1 topic of bullshit always starts out with the wedding, and how some family member threw a ******* fit over some bullshit and the bad blood just sits and boils. These friends of mine are all great as couples, perfect and loving, but their lives completely and utterly revolve around whatever recent bullshit is going on with their families... it drains the life out of them, and it all started back at the wedding.

viperormiata

iTrader: (24)

How old are you?

jtothawhat

iTrader: (7)

Marriage is the worst decision a man can make, you need to slay at least 20 women before settling down as a general rule of thumb.

ARTech

iTrader: (34)

She won't after you marry

How long have you lived together?

rleete

iTrader: (21)

Whatever you do, do NOT go into debt for the wedding.

shlammed

iTrader: (8)

Been together for a long time...friends for 5 years and dating ~3 years.

Im 23.

Jayyyy to the something; already been done ....probably.... i didnt keep track in college.

y8s

iTrader: (8)

If you feel like you want to marry her, marry her.

If you feel like you need to investigate the positives and negatives of marrying the girl, you've already thought too hard on it.

shlammed

iTrader: (8)

Not the positives and negatives y8. i know that i want it.

Just more of me "venting" my nervousness for actually doing it.... There are no issues with the idea I just dont know how to do the proposal thing.

I just always hear about a friend whos proposal was lame (but worked) and i dont want to do that haha...

matthewdesigns

iTrader: (8)

Why are you getting married? That's the first question to ask yourself. Is it because you feel like you need a legal obligation to try to keep this person in your life? Is it for a better tax bracket? Does she need citizenship? I'm not joking. Give me one scenario that without marraige would not be the same for you two. If it's so you can have a wedding, then have a big *** "commitment" ceremony for friends and family instead and call it good.

If you are in love; committed to one another; communicate fully, honestly, and openly; and neither of you needs to be on the others health care plan (wait, you are in Canada...probably does not apply), why take the step to entangle your lives legally?

Save the money, put a down payment on a house, live happily ever after. And if you ever decide that being together is not working any more, then walk away without lawyers, courts, etc.

I've been married once and it's just not worth the hassle IMHO (dated 5yrs/married 5yrs). I've been with my current gf for 4+ years and neither of us wants to get married...she feels the same way I do and has also done it once before. We talk about what's bugging us, work it out, and move on. No license needed.

PS - and 23 is way too ******* young to get married

pdexta

iTrader: (17)

^ +1. There's no way I'd consider marrying someone I hadn't lived with for at least a year. **** changes when you don't have your own bedroom/bathroom/tv/kitchen/etc.

18psi

iTrader: (76)

serious/

Happily married for 4 years now. Will soon be 5. Don't regret a minute of it.
I'm prepared to lose limbs and my life for my woman, and know she's the same way for me. Can't ask for more.

/serious

lsc224

iTrader: (13)

^^THIS!!! Date for at least another 5 years then ask yourself again. Enjoy your life while your still single. Things will be different especially once you start having kids.

18psi

iTrader: (76)

Marriage does not mean you automatically have to start pooping out kids.
Also there is no "industry standard" for peoples maturity level and readiness for a commited relationship. I know 30-35 year olds that are simply selfish/pissy bastards that have divorced many times over and keep saying "I was young and stupid, herp derp". They're still saying it to this day, and some of them are ******* 40-50 now. On another hand a distant relative of mine got married at 21, is currently 26 with 4 kids. Happiest man I've ever seen or talked to.


If you're ready, you're ready.

shlammed

iTrader: (8)

Im not worried about age... if its real its real.

My parents for example were iirc 20 when they were married and are still happy to this date.

jeff_man

iTrader: (7)

incorporate, you get the same benefit of being legally married and less bs when you want to end it.

Braineack

iTrader: (62)

my adivce is to elope on a beach. and ask for cash as wedding gifts.

Jeff_Ciesielski

iTrader: (10)

Jesus Christ, I cannot stress the above point enough. My wife and I wanted a small ceremony We were both working and going to school at the time, so money and free time were in short supply. Mother-in-law gets involved to "help out", suddenly the guest list quintuples, costs go THROUGH THE ******* ROOF, and everything gets more complicated than it needs to be. We tell her if she's going to continue to meddle, she can ******* pay for it.

Caused all sorts of drama.

Got married at 20, been happily married for 4 years now. No regrets.

Doppelgänger

iTrader: (12)

This. While not married, my GF and I have been together for 5 years and living together for 4.5yrs. We bought a house together and are doing fine. Neither of us creally care for the marriage thing...if anything it would hurt me with getting funds for school right now. But everyone's situation and feelings are different, I understand that. But speaking from expirence, I'd wait a couple more years before being legally bound together at your age.

ScottFW

iTrader: (4)

Wanna know a secret? How you do the proposal is not really important.

Grand elaborate proposal schemes often seem to me like an emotional defense mechanism, like you can't handle simply asking her in a straight forward no-bullshit fashion if she's ready to spend the rest of her life with you, and you need some ridiculous scenario (often involving a large crowd of strangers) to distract you from the gravity of the situation.

Wait. Do you have any doubt that it will "work" regardless of how you ask? If so, don't ask. It should be a foregone conclusion. Maybe I'm reading a bit too much between the lines here.

23 is kind of young, but I know a few couples that got married at 20 and are still happy 10-15 years later. Age isn't a big disqualifier, as long as you share similar views on finances, kids, etc. When you can look at your bank account and say "Damn, how am I going to spend all of this money?" then you are ready for marriage.