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Old 07-29-2011, 02:05 AM   #41
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My advice is simple.
You're 23...be ABSOLUTELY sure she is who you want to marry.
I turned 29 about 1 month after I got married. In fact, my wife and I will be celebrating our 1 year Anniversary on Saturday. It was 1 solid year of happiness. I know I made the right decision, and the funny thing is, I always thought I'd be with someone who had the same interests as me. My wife and I agree on things, but we have different hobbys. She likes to scrapbook and go shopping, I like to work on cars, drink beer, and shoot guns. It doesn't matter what you are interested in, as long as the other accepts it and has no problem with you doing what you do. Marraige to me is all about compromise, trust, and tolerance. My wife and I agree on pretty much everything, whether it's a certain paint color, or where we're going to dinner. we "compromise". The trust things is self explanatory. "Tolerance"...if she has a bad day and she feels the need to explain every single detail there is about how shitty her day was and which one of her woman coworkers is a C.ant U.nderstand N.ormal T.hinking....then I must feel the need to sit there and"tolerate" it.
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Old 07-29-2011, 02:45 AM   #42
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Old 07-29-2011, 10:51 AM   #43
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pusha View Post
Some good advice above until...



LOL GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ****
since when are you an authority on weddings? is that your secret day job?

I'm not one to judge those who have weddings with pay bars but... tell me first so I can bring my own liquor. I'm not paying $7 for a heinekin.
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Old 07-29-2011, 10:52 AM   #44
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all includsive resort, beach wedding, close friends, save money, skinny dip, drink dirty bananas.
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Old 07-29-2011, 12:14 PM   #45
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Originally Posted by Faeflora View Post
Love love love love love.

Your answer to "what is love?" will change in a long term relationship. That can and does cause disappointment.
Exactly, that is why it will not be 100% happiness. Which is what I had stated above. Kids, career, health, etc. everything will change how "love" is seen at that moment through the lens of marriage. That is why you have to be committed to make it work and not puss and run like to many people do. People always look for the quick fix to things.


2nd thing
Good luck with that? You want to spot a few thousand dollars that can be used for the honeymoon or down on a house. No open bar refers to hard liquor. If you have to have hard liquor, vs wine etc that will be given, to have fun at an occasion I feel bad for you.
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Old 07-29-2011, 12:29 PM   #46
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Originally Posted by y8s View Post
since when are you an authority on weddings? is that your secret day job?

I'm not one to judge those who have weddings with pay bars but... tell me first so I can bring my own liquor. I'm not paying $7 for a heinekin.
Yer goddamn right. I wanna get fucked up and skeet on a bridesmaid, I don't want to talk to your grandparents about how shitty of a child you were.
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Old 07-29-2011, 03:06 PM   #47
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Originally Posted by rleete View Post
Whatever you do, do NOT go into debt for the wedding.
+++!!!111111!!!!!!ELEVENTYBILLION!!!

We spent $1200 on everything iirc, from dress, to rings (she wanted a CZ because diamonds are a racket and a waste of money), to cake, to punch (cake and punch was all that was served at the ~45 minute reception at the church (seriously, shake everybody's hand and hug a few old ladies' necks, take a few pictures, cut the f-ing cake, load the gifts and leave)), to church, to flowers (a recent widow from my wife's church said she'd be honored if my wife could use the flowers from her husband's memorial service for a happy occasion), to decorations (how much are tissue paper streamers and doilies?), to the tux rental.

It was beautiful, she was beautiful, and I cherish the memory of that day.

What was not lost in a bunch of hoopla and showboating was that it was about us sincerely committing ourselves to one another.
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Originally Posted by 18psi View Post
Marriage does not mean you automatically have to start pooping out kids.
+1 You need to learn to live together and function as a unit. Truly deeper love develops only after several more years. Yes, it can get even better.
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Also there is no "industry standard" for peoples maturity level and readiness for a commited relationship. I know 30-35 year olds that are simply selfish/pissy bastards that have divorced many times over and keep saying "I was young and stupid, herp derp". They're still saying it to this day, and some of them are ******* 40-50 now. On another hand a distant relative of mine got married at 21, is currently 26 with 4 kids. Happiest man I've ever seen or talked to.


If you're ready, you're ready.
+1 I can quote examples and name names on both accounts.

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Originally Posted by Faeflora View Post
Sadly, I think marriage doesn't work.
I think marriage doesn't work for selfish people. Or, frankly, if either one is selfish there will likely be misery and pain.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Faeflora View Post
The main problem is the timeframe: forever. People change and the world changes too.
One of the most devastating thoughts I can conceive is living the rest of my life without her in it. I could more easily lose my right arm than her.
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Originally Posted by Faeflora View Post
Another other problem is expectations. Disappointment destroys a lot of marriages.
I wholeheartedly agree. Marriage does not solve difficulties in a relationship; that is your job. If you expect her to always be the same as she is now, you will be disappointed. At your age neither one of you are likely the same as you were last year. That is normal growth and must be understood.

If she expects you to change in some particular way, she will be disappointed. If either of you do or don't exercise regularly, or eat healthy, or communicate feelings openly, or exercise religious preferences, or gravitate to the club scene, or do heroin, these things will not likely change.

I do know a couple that partied a lot and were swingers, etc. until they had kids an the wife suddenly grew up and became responsible and he didn't. All four of them are unhappy.
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The last problem is communication. Few people are good communicators and it's likely that you're not either.
I also agree with this. A good relationship, like anything worthwhile, takes a lot of work. It can be soul-grindingly hard work sometimes talking about thoughts and feelings you would rather leave undiscussed, and at emotionally inopportune times for you. But the more you practice getting it out there the easier it gets.
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Originally Posted by Faeflora View Post
How can one say that they are a man if they let their heart dominate their choices?
How bitter a life must be that would be fraught with such angst as to never leave one's heart unguarded. I am truly sympathetic to your situation, Fae, and pray that you find someone to love. I'm not kidding.

"'Tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." -Alfred Lord Tennyson


Quote:
Originally Posted by pusha View Post
Some good advice above until...
LOL GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ****
It worked for me. And no, people like you weren't invited. I left them at the frat house without an invite. And yes, I was a brother.


Respect and unselfishness are the keys to a happy marriage.

Also, picking the right girl and paying attention to the warning signs of a girl's selfish tendencies are important. She should do things to make you happy even if they mean she doesn't get to do something that she wants to do. That is the kind of girl that will be in it for you and not for her.

You should likewise feel that her wants are more important to you than your own. You will make each other happy and you will love together.
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Old 07-29-2011, 03:21 PM   #48
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we didn't even finish the keg at our wedding. or the wine. or the vodka that was used to make the signature drink. I'd like to think that people respect us enough that they wont make asses of themselves but in the end, they dont respect us if they think throwing out beer is ok.

also someone left a bra in the bathroom which is kinda funny.
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Old 07-29-2011, 03:22 PM   #49
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i wore sneakers at your wedding, cause im a baus.



I also pet a goat.
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Old 07-29-2011, 04:35 PM   #50
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sixshooter View Post
+++!!!111111!!!!!!ELEVENTYBILLION!!!

We spent $1200 on everything iirc, from dress, to rings (she wanted a CZ because diamonds are a racket and a waste of money)

I think marriage doesn't work for selfish people. Or, frankly, if either one is selfish there will likely be misery and pain.
Regarding the CZ, you obviously got The One.

Regarding selfishness in relationships, one's ego cannot be ignored for long before resentment and loathing blooms.
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Old 07-29-2011, 04:38 PM   #51
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Originally Posted by sixshooter View Post

How bitter a life must be that would be fraught with such angst as to never leave one's heart unguarded. I am truly sympathetic to your situation, Fae, and pray that you find someone to love. I'm not kidding.
Nice writing. I like it.

I do love someone but I'll only do the whole marriage type thing again if if if well, if nothing. I've got my own life to live.
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Old 07-29-2011, 05:45 PM   #52
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Originally Posted by pusha View Post
Yer goddamn right. I wanna get fucked up and skeet on a bridesmaid, I don't want to talk to your grandparents about how shitty of a child you were.
+1 Old people smell funny, bridesmaids r hownyy.

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Originally Posted by Braineack View Post
i wore sneakers at your wedding, cause im a baus.



I also pet a goat.
So somebody (y8s?) actually owned a goat? I thought you where kidding about the goat on your (or a) roof listening to metal.
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Old 07-29-2011, 05:53 PM   #53
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muhahah. you wish you knew. there's cr.net mod in that pic too.
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Old 07-29-2011, 06:00 PM   #54
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muhahah. you wish you knew. there's cr.net mod in that pic too.
The goat is a mod at CR.net? Makes sense, goats are herrafrush.
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Old 07-29-2011, 07:11 PM   #55
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To a casual observer it appears Braineak's plus one is a goat.
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Old 07-29-2011, 07:21 PM   #56
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Faeflora View Post
Regarding the CZ, you obviously got The One.
Yep, she's a good'un. I told her just last week that this might be the year that she gets to have a store-bought dress.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Faeflora View Post
Regarding selfishness in relationships, one's ego cannot be ignored for long before resentment and loathing blooms.
You don't need to worry too much about your own ego if you've got the right person stroking it for you.
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