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Old 03-03-2010, 04:19 PM   #41
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Originally Posted by shuiend View Post
You forgot the part where you light it on fire and ring the doorbell and then run.
I can't even imagine what kind of mess that would make. Awesome.
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Old 03-03-2010, 07:21 PM   #42
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On a serious note, just ******* ask them to keep it down. I have been renting for almost 10 years now (becasue I am lame but thats another discussion) and with only a few exceptions people will respect a request if at all reasonable. Now if they actually abuse the animals, **** with them for sure, they deserve it.
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Old 03-04-2010, 01:33 AM   #43
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Don't call Epic Beard Man... become Epic Beard Man.

-Wear a shirt that says "I am a ************"
-Grow a beard
-When the dogs bark, POUND on his door and demand to shut the ******* dogs up
-Suggest he shine your shoes
-When he gives you any lip (and any response other than "yes Sir" counts) punch him in the mouth
-Alpha male achieved. Profit.
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Old 03-04-2010, 02:37 AM   #44
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Kill his children, hang them upside down disemboweled on the front door frame, then rape his wife and cut her throat and **** the neck hole. All of this with him watching of course. "All you had to do was shut your dog up, *******!" Then stomp his head flat doing an Irish jig.

On second thought, that may be a bit harsh. Maybe just go talk to him and tell him to shut his dogs up or you will have no choice but to do the above.
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Old 03-04-2010, 03:17 AM   #45
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Spend a week jerking off into a Gatorade bottle then throw it away.
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Old 03-04-2010, 02:17 PM   #46
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Spend a week jerking off into a Gatorade bottle then throw it away.
What exactly is this supposed to accomplish, other than achieving creeper status.
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Old 03-04-2010, 02:23 PM   #47
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Huge forearms and man scent. It'll enable him to intimidate the girly man and his bitch. Both bitches.
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Old 03-04-2010, 04:51 PM   #48
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe Perez View Post
I had a problem with barking dogs behind me. I just went to the supermarket and purchased a whole calf's head (with the skin removed), which I set upon a pike driven into the neighbor's front yard early one morning. Not long after, they apparently decided that inside the house was a much better place for the dogs to live.

No one commented on this?!? Calves head on a spike in their yard?

Again the life lesson is...



Don't **** off Joe Perez!
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Old 03-04-2010, 05:02 PM   #49
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrwoolery View Post
Don't call Epic Beard Man... become Epic Beard Man.

-Wear a shirt that says "I am a ************"
-Grow a beard
-When the dogs bark, POUND on his door and demand to shut the ******* dogs up
-Suggest he shine your shoes
-When he gives you any lip (and any response other than "yes Sir" counts) punch him in the mouth
-Alpha male achieved. Profit.
This thread needs a conclusion. I vote for this approach.
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Old 03-04-2010, 05:07 PM   #50
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pusha View Post
Huge forearms and man scent. It'll enable him to intimidate the girly man and his bitch. Both bitches.
Maybe that's my problem. I always smell like man and my forearms are huge. Then again the smell might be other men
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Old 03-04-2010, 05:48 PM   #51
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Grow a rat tail. Every badass I know has a rat tail.

Or drill a hole in the wall and pump carbon monoxide through.
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Old 03-04-2010, 06:12 PM   #52
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If you haven't made a peep about the noise thus far you cant really go shitting on him without reason. Being the alpha male would mean that after a couple times of the barking **** you would have knocked on the door. Problem now is the guy already has control. If its been going on for awhile and he's done nothing about it, he could probably give 2 ***** about it.

So now if you go knocking on the door and ask him politely to keep the dogs quiet, he'll probably tell you to **** off. Or who knows, maybe he'll invite you in for a coffee.

If it was me, I would have said something after a couple times. Once you let something like that go for too long, the offending party will normally feel more in control, due to the fact you haven't said anything.

I would go over the next time it happens and just say that its been going on for awhile and you've had enough. Shut the ******* dogs up or there's going to be a problem.

Then again, don't go running your mouth to someone that might pound your face in. Size the guy up, think worst case scenario, and go knock on that ******* door.
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Old 03-04-2010, 11:03 PM   #53
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Pick up the feces and smear it all over their doors with a post it note nastygram.
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Old 03-05-2010, 12:13 AM   #54
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I take it you're not keen on my original idea.

Here's idea two:

1. Rent a gun
2. Buy a bullet
3. ???
4. Profit
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Old 03-05-2010, 07:33 AM   #55
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Never ever make a threat or set an ultimatum you are not ready to fullfill. Backing down looses you all your Alpha points. This is a rule I live by in all situations and in all matters. Never say that you are going to do something, if you aren't ready to actually do it.
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Old 03-05-2010, 01:09 PM   #56
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Originally Posted by turotufas View Post
Grow a rat tail. Every badass I know has a rat tail.
We usually make fun of ricers. Last night we seen a ricer with a rat tail. Nobody said anything. Rat tail.
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Old 03-05-2010, 01:34 PM   #57
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I had a neighbor w/ a dog that would literally bark ALL NIGHT LONG, OUTSIDE, AT NOTHING AT ALL. It was insane. I had left 3 annonymous notes in my old neighbor's mailbox, one note even had a coupon for a shock-collar attached to it. The neighbors worked some crazy schedule and when I would go knocking on the door no one ever answered, didn't matter what time I went. I heard they were in their 60's so I was always trying to be somewhat polite about it. Then I left a 4th, very detailed, very dark note. Nothing every changed.

Then one night I got drunk.... no.... WASTED.

This wasn't actually my neighbor, just someone's house who backed up to my townhouse... they actually lived on another street all together. It was kinda weird.

Anyway... I hopped the fence and chased the dog screaming at it and throwing sticks at it for like 20 minutes. I couldn't catch the mf'er for anything. I wanted to rip his tongue out with my bare hands.

I came home, grabbed a few sockets and pliers and went back over. I took apart their entire fence that connected to the sides of their house on both sides in the stealthy cover of night. I then pulled the fence out and put it in their driveway... lol I then took some vienna sausages and broke them into pieces and threw them every 5 ft. leading out and down the street about 5 houses.

I have no idea how I didn't get caught. I wasn't quiet about any of this. I was too drunk, and too furious to care.

Well, the dog left. For about 2 weeks. Then apparently they got it from an animal shelter or something, because one night he was back.

I moved a few weeks later.

Still to this day I think about going over there and sniping that damn dog. One day I'll get bored and probably do so. I bet I lost hundreds of hours of sleep over his random pointless barking.
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Old 03-05-2010, 01:38 PM   #58
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Holy ****
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Old 03-05-2010, 02:29 PM   #59
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Quote:
Originally Posted by project84 View Post
i had a neighbor w/ a dog that would literally bark all night long, outside, at nothing at all. It was insane. I had left 3 annonymous notes in my old neighbor's mailbox, one note even had a coupon for a shock-collar attached to it. The neighbors worked some crazy schedule and when i would go knocking on the door no one ever answered, didn't matter what time i went. I heard they were in their 60's so i was always trying to be somewhat polite about it. Then i left a 4th, very detailed, very dark note. Nothing every changed.

then one night i got drunk.... No.... Wasted.

This wasn't actually my neighbor, just someone's house who backed up to my townhouse... They actually lived on another street all together. It was kinda weird.

Anyway... I hopped the fence and chased the dog screaming at it and throwing sticks at it for like 20 minutes. I couldn't catch the mf'er for anything. I wanted to rip his tongue out with my bare hands.

I came home, grabbed a few sockets and pliers and went back over. I took apart their entire fence that connected to the sides of their house on both sides in the stealthy cover of night. I then pulled the fence out and put it in their driveway... Lol i then took some vienna sausages and broke them into pieces and threw them every 5 ft. Leading out and down the street about 5 houses.

I have no idea how i didn't get caught. I wasn't quiet about any of this. I was too drunk, and too furious to care.

Well, the dog left. For about 2 weeks. Then apparently they got it from an animal shelter or something, because one night he was back.

I moved a few weeks later.


still to this day i think about going over there and sniping that damn dog. One day i'll get bored and probably do so. I bet i lost hundreds of hours of sleep over his random pointless barking.
epic
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Old 03-05-2010, 03:26 PM   #60
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LOL, wow that is win. You for hire? Maybe the OP could use you.
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