Fewer and fewer men want to marry - Page 2 - Miata Turbo Forum - Boost cars, acquire cats.

Welcome to Miataturbo.net   Members
 


Insert BS here A place to discuss anything you want

Reply
 
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 07-30-2014, 11:56 AM   #21
Boost Pope
iTrader: (8)
 
Joe Perez's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Delicious and Moist.
Posts: 26,326
Total Cats: 1,924
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by fooger03 View Post
A manly man only *really* needs one thing in a relationship: A womanly woman. She'll throw fits at times, she'll never be able to make up her mind on anything, and she'll be a pain in the *** at times, but those times are little more than a minor annoyance because he makes her happy in the grand scheme of things, and she'll follow him to the ends of the earth, "loving and obeying" all the way there.
^ This.


I spent my whole 20s (and much of my 30s) living entirely for myself. I waited until after I'd rounded the bend towards 40 to entertain any kind of serious relationship, and when I did so, it was with a woman my own age who has also entered functional adulthood and learned how to take life seriously. Honestly, it's not hard to distinguish the women from the girls, and I'm baffled as to why so few men males appear to even try to do so. The fact that I managed to score one who is still stunningly hot after two kids is merely a bonus.


In the six months we've been together, we have yet to have a single argument.

Has everything always gone well? Nope. Heck, when we were shopping for an apartment together there was so much **** that went wrong it was like a Steve Martin comedy.

Do we always agree on everything? Of course not; she's an outer-borough Puerto Rican and I'm a Cuban in Manhattan, so we can never see eye-to-eye on whether the rice goes in before or after the black beans or whether Queens and Brooklyn technically count as part of Long Island.

Am I sometimes frustrated by how long it takes to shop for a single pair of shoes (and the fact that after visiting fifteen stores we always wind up going back to the very first one)? Of course I am.

Is she sometimes frustrated by what she perceives as a lack of social decorum on my part, such as my inability to know whether a certain shirt matches a certain pair of pants in my closet or the fact that I still maintain that it's a waste of energy to wash the bathroom towels after only two uses? Of course she is.

Have there been tears on occasion? Yes there have.


But we're both mature adults who know how to resolve our differences in a constructive manner, and realize that when one of us builds up and supports the other, we both benefit. This is a partnership, not a competition. It's that understanding, and nothing more, which I perceive to be lacking in the vast majority of failed / unhappy relationships.
Joe Perez is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-30-2014, 12:00 PM   #22
Elite Member
iTrader: (2)
 
fooger03's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Columbus, OH
Posts: 4,133
Total Cats: 187
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitlab77 View Post

I am not sure if what you are getting at is the break down of the family but I believe that has a large role as "boys" do not see positive male influences in their lives and little girls learn to "not trust men" (who do not act like real men should)

(age 33)
Yes, the breakdown has a lot to do with it. Relationship skills for both boys and girls are passed down from their father. Now, in anyone's experience, if children are being raised by a single parent, is it usually the mother or the father?
fooger03 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-30-2014, 12:20 PM   #23
Elite Member
iTrader: (8)
 
Ryan_G's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Tampa, Florida
Posts: 2,579
Total Cats: 155
Default

Fooger, your age is incredibly surprising to me. Your post was very interesting to me as well. Mainly because I am going through a similar behavioral transformation as to what you described but my own mental analysis of it and how I view woman seems to differ quite a bit. It is intriguing that we can arrive at almost the same types of behaviors with completely different outlooks and mental paths.

My predicament went something like this: place women on pedestal --> meet awesome woman --> get engaged --> engagement fails (we defined each other, she saw it and I didn't) --> self worth crushed --> realize I am an idiot and start living for myself --> confidence explodes --> opportunities explode --> success follows --> life is good

The funny part about it is that my ex-fiance and I ended it on great terms and have recently been connecting again but this time its much different. I don't put her on a pedestal. I am her rock as you put it but I don't live for her. We do not 'date' and we are not in a relationship. Its been going pretty well so far but I have no expectations of what it should be or what it will become. I think my big difference from your view is on how you view woman. It feels very 50's to me. My change had more to do with being my own individual and getting the most out of my life. If someone else wants to come along for the ride that would be ideal but I am not going to make them the center or my being. I think I am more aligned with how Joe views it but in the end I guess the outcome is really the same via external behavior.
Ryan_G is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 07-30-2014, 12:42 PM   #24
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Montreal, QC
Posts: 194
Total Cats: 28
Default

I work a job that surrounds me with women (and gay men), and therefore see a bit of what they say behind the scenes. One thing that I keep seeing is that women will go off on all kinds of crazy **** like believing that childcare should be paid for by the government, and that single mothers should be given more pay by the company to make life easier for them. They've become entitled and believe that society owes it to them to live independently, no matter what. Often, these women are not happy.

I regularly am told that I make remarks that are misogynistic (I'm really not; I just don't buy into bullshit), overly-sarcastic, or other female-code-words for "acting like a man." But despite this, I don't experience drama from them. At the end of the day, I think women respect someone who acts like a ******* man.

Similarly, they'll whine about "just wanting to find a nice guy," and then continue dating exciting, unreliable ********, despite the proliferation of nice, boring whipped guys. You could do much worse than ignoring at least 50% of what women say they want, because most of them don't really know what it is that will make them happy. Society has taught them that what they want biologically is wrong, and I think that that conflict causes all kinds of problems.

People talk about how bad it was before the 50s and 60s, and usually it's people who weren't even alive then. They assume that what's depicted in shows like Mad Men is historical fact for the majority of marriages, and I don't think that's true. My parents and their parents (who grew up in Switzerland) report different experiences, and that despite men being the "head of the household," how things were actually run at home was very much determined by the woman. My mother even said that in the days before women had the right to vote, her father would ask his wife who he should vote for before heading to the polls. A man being in charge who has regard and respect for the happiness of his wife and children seems like a pretty good recipe for harmony to me. It works a ****-ton better than women living independently trying to make ends meet raising their kids by themselves while ex-husbands live elsewhere paying child support to families who regard them as extraneous.
TalkingPie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-30-2014, 12:51 PM   #25
Elite Member
iTrader: (2)
 
fooger03's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Columbus, OH
Posts: 4,133
Total Cats: 187
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TalkingPie View Post
Similarly, they'll whine about "just wanting to find a nice guy," and then continue dating exciting, unreliable ********, despite the proliferation of nice, boring whipped guys. You could do much worse than ignoring at least 50% of what women say they want, because most of them don't really know what it is that will make them happy. Society has taught them that what they want biologically is wrong, and I think that that conflict causes all kinds of problems.
In theory, "nice guys" are nice. In practice, "nice guys" are stalkers.

To all the single men reading this post: If you think you're a "nice guy", there's probably a woman out there who thinks you're a "stalker". Think about it. Time for an attitude adjustment? The secret recipe is to attracting women is to do what Ryan does: ignore Women and win at your own life - once you've accomplished that, you'll need to barricade the door to keep the bitches out.
fooger03 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-30-2014, 01:08 PM   #26
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Montreal, QC
Posts: 194
Total Cats: 28
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by fooger03 View Post
In theory, "nice guys" are nice. In practice, "nice guys" are stalkers.

To all the single men reading this post: If you think you're a "nice guy", there's probably a woman out there who thinks you're a "stalker". Think about it. Time for an attitude adjustment? The secret recipe is to attracting women is to do what Ryan does: ignore Women and win at your own life - once you've accomplished that, you'll need to barricade the door to keep the bitches out.
My point is that women say they want a "nice guy" but then gravitate to someone who's an ******* because he's interesting. What I find pertinent is that women say they want the guy to be "enlightened"/emasculated because that's what society brings them up to believe (and what society teaches men they should be), but then they're actually attracted to something else.

The trick to succeeding at having a ***** is to be interesting and challenging like the stereotypical "*******," but actually be a decent human being at your core. So, yeah, like Ryan: win at life, keep your **** handled, and make them feel like they'd be lucky if you decided to make them a part of your life.
TalkingPie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-30-2014, 01:44 PM   #27
Moderator
iTrader: (11)
 
sixshooter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Tampa, Florida
Posts: 15,676
Total Cats: 1,561
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe Perez View Post
This is a partnership, not a competition.
That's a big part of the problem. And there is a two prong cause. The baby boomer generation was taught to be the most selfish generation in modern history. They don't need partnerships because that means they must share and do for others. It means they must give up some of what they want for the sake of others. They are the "me" generation.

Feminism tells women that caring for and nurturing the needs of others is subservient and old fashioned. Women are instead taught to compete for resources with men to be able to pursue their own wants and no one else's. Selfishness is idealized. Children are a burden to be avoided. But if you end up with them then dump them off quickly at daycare with a subservient minimum wage person and get back to your own life. Let minimum wage workers with no education and no love for your children teach them life values and morals. Let them teach your children security and love.

Now that everyone is a competitor for resources and you are both self absorbed you can have a wonderful life being married to someone who you cannot trust and have children who do not truly love you. George Orwell anyone?

Last edited by sixshooter; 07-30-2014 at 01:57 PM.
sixshooter is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 07-30-2014, 11:57 PM   #28
Elite Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Newcastle, Australia
Posts: 2,640
Total Cats: 25
Default

I agree with most of what has been said, for me, the key was just going "you know what, **** it, Im going to focus on success in my life and work hard and respect myself.". And as others have said the rest seems to just come along with that.

Dann
nitrodann is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-31-2014, 12:13 AM   #29
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Pittsburgh PA
Posts: 1,196
Total Cats: 12
Default

**** Bitches, Get Money. (This is the motto at our shop anytime we work late or build something that blows up).



I'm 24 now, seriously thinking about making 30 my "minimum". I would also like a woman.
2ndGearRubber is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-31-2014, 11:09 AM   #30
Hug Life
iTrader: (3)
 
Monk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Huntington, Indiana
Posts: 2,803
Total Cats: 494
Default

Monk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-31-2014, 11:19 AM   #31
Junior Member
iTrader: (2)
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Pittsburgh PA
Posts: 276
Total Cats: 6
Default

I never knew what happiness was until I got married


now it is too late
Davezorz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-31-2014, 12:11 PM   #32
Elite Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,669
Total Cats: 36
Default

If I live long enough, I will be greatly amused by the inevitable swinging of the pendulum away from our current ideals and back over to something similar to what would be considered 'backward' at the moment and more in keeping with what is being discussed here.

Of course, it wont be recognized as such, and there will be lots of clever little labels for everything to make it all seem new and different. And then it will go way too far.

One thing I have not seen mentioned so much in this thread is fatherhood. Without a drive for it, there's a lot less reason for marriage.

How the hell does one raise a child to be ethical, self-reliant, and happy? Once they start going to school you are there for a few hours a day with them max. They are influenced and saturated and molded by the world. I have no desire for fighting to avoid my boy becoming a whiny entitled comfort seeker with the functional intelligence of a cinderblock. I can handle my ****, handling others' is a whole different thing.
Sparetire is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-31-2014, 12:12 PM   #33
Elite Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,454
Total Cats: 80
Default

JasonC SBB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-31-2014, 12:19 PM   #34
Elite Member
iTrader: (8)
 
Ryan_G's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Tampa, Florida
Posts: 2,579
Total Cats: 155
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sparetire View Post
How the hell does one raise a child to be ethical, self-reliant, and happy? Once they start going to school you are there for a few hours a day with them max. They are influenced and saturated and molded by the world. I have no desire for fighting to avoid my boy becoming a whiny entitled comfort seeker with the functional intelligence of a cinderblock. I can handle my ****, handling others' is a whole different thing.
Fathers are role models by default for children, especially boys. They have a massive influence on their children's behavior, morals, and values for no other reason than the fact that children naturally look up to their parents. It doesn't take all the time in the world or constant supervision to raise a kid right. You just have to be sincere, consistent, and have open dialogue and communication. Parents are there to offer guidance and direction, not to handhold their child through life. Hell, you can be a great "father" to the kid down the street of you just show them that you care and offer them help when they need it.
Ryan_G is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 07-31-2014, 12:35 PM   #35
Elite Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,669
Total Cats: 36
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryan_G View Post
Hell, you can be a great "father" to the kid down the street of you just show them that you care and offer them help when they need it.
Seen/Done that myself. Good point.
Sparetire is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-31-2014, 02:34 PM   #36
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: ATL
Posts: 728
Total Cats: 48
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Davezorz View Post
I never knew what happiness was until I got married

now it is too late
^^^ This...
rwyatt365 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-31-2014, 10:45 PM   #37
Elite Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,454
Total Cats: 80
Default

Why cats don't like feminism:
confused cats against feminism
JasonC SBB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2014, 10:46 AM   #38
y8s
2 Props,3 Dildos,& 1 Cat
iTrader: (8)
 
y8s's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Fake Virginia
Posts: 19,038
Total Cats: 407
Default

Sounds ilke everyone has their own experience and opinion. Who knew. Guess what, my experience doesn't fit in with any above explanation either.
y8s is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2014, 10:48 AM   #39
Elite Member
iTrader: (8)
 
Ryan_G's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Tampa, Florida
Posts: 2,579
Total Cats: 155
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by y8s View Post
Sounds ilke everyone has their own experience and opinion. Who knew. Guess what, my experience doesn't fit in with any above explanation either.
Want to join the conversation with a different perspective?
Ryan_G is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2014, 11:43 AM   #40
Elite Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: OKC, OK
Posts: 2,652
Total Cats: 76
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sparetire View Post
One thing I have not seen mentioned so much in this thread is fatherhood. Without a drive for it, there's a lot less reason for marriage.
We don't have kids and don't want them, happily married for 4 years and been together for approaching 8.

We continue to be more successful in our careers and grow as people.

Life just keeps getting better.

If you (general you) don't like being married, then get a divorce. But I suspect most are just talking **** while the SO isn't around.
z31maniac is offline   Reply With Quote
 
 
Reply

Related Topics
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Beware of BMWs Braineack Current Events, News, Politics 8 07-20-2010 01:51 PM
Fun with Numbers Braineack Insert BS here 39 02-19-2010 09:29 PM
Bar Stool Economics (Funny... but not) MazDilla Insert BS here 4 10-18-2008 09:19 AM
new source for SS exhaust and piping Zabac DIY Turbo Discussion 74 10-08-2007 03:18 PM
Intellectual E-thuggin' Braineack Insert BS here 7 10-04-2007 04:07 PM


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:47 PM.