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Old 06-01-2010, 01:51 PM   #21
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Filipino Gas Pedal
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Old 06-01-2010, 02:54 PM   #22
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Watch a movie with a lot of parachuting, like "A Bridge Too Far."
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Old 06-01-2010, 02:57 PM   #23
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do I even want to know what a Filipino Gas Pedal is?
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Old 06-01-2010, 02:59 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by RyanRaduechel View Post
do I even want to know what a Filipino Gas Pedal is?
I am too, very scared yet curious.
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Old 06-01-2010, 03:01 PM   #25
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I too am scarred, I wonder whats going through Sams mind..........
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Old 06-01-2010, 03:04 PM   #26
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Okay, here's what you do:

take a raw egg, write her name on it w/ a Sharpie. Throw it up in the air and watch it splat.

Next month, do the same...EXCEPT, tape a mini-parachute made out of a silk handkerchief w/ dental floss as the support rope.

Then ask her: Get the picture?
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Old 06-01-2010, 03:05 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by Braineack View Post
I'm unsure why there would be excitement about double ----...not only would this mean sharing your wife with another man, but it would also mean you must both shove your stuff into her at the same time. I mean, a man's ***** against another is soft and smooth and pleasurable in itself, but I'm not sure while both slamming into your wife's anus is the appropriate time to be experimenting in homo-eroticism.
anyone else DYING after reading this?
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Old 06-01-2010, 03:08 PM   #28
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You go skydiving without her first. Talk about it a lot for a few weeks, might make her jealous because she wasn't there. Don't mention it for a few months. Surprise the **** out of her on her birthday.

Or you could say random **** like, I'm going to throw you out of a plane if you ever burn the ******' steak again!
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Old 06-01-2010, 03:11 PM   #29
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for what it's worth, some commentary on brain's commentary:

<snipped>: i personally think of it more like riding the subway
<snipped>: sure you're jammed up against some dude
<snipped>: but its really just about getting where you need to be
<snipped>: you see that the car is full
<snipped>: you know you're gonna have to get up close
<snipped>: but its better than not getting on the train
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Old 06-01-2010, 03:31 PM   #30
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I like when I'm the only passenger on the train...this is why I drive a car to work.
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Old 06-01-2010, 03:32 PM   #31
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just make sure to do something like this when she jumps:

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Old 06-01-2010, 08:05 PM   #32
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I can't believe the Filipino Gas Pedal did not make the list... so:
You're plugging your girl from behind, take one foot over the top and step on the back of her neck and yell "Faster bitch, faster!"

Here are the rest:

---- "Hustlerr" Boot - An ---- boot is when you take a pitcher of beer, everyone spits in it, someone stirs it with their **** and then the mixture is poured through the crack of a man *** into the waiting mouth of the loser of a bet or drinking game.
Angry Dragon, The - Immediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look like an angry dragon. The harder you laugh, the angrier she'll look. Magic.
Antlers - Wide, flat, flapjack ******* that come to a sharp point at the nipples.
Australian Death Grip - The act of grabbing a woman by the haunches/crotch and staring deeply into her eyes until you're slapped or kissed. A recommended tactic for very crowded bars. Another great opportunity for wagering among friends.
Bargoyle - The hideous old hair - spray hag who seems to live at your local watering hole. She usually smokes endlessly, spends hundreds of dollars a night on video - poker, and makes sexually threatening comments to frightened college freshmen.
Bismark, The - Another one involving oral sex. Right before you are about to spew, pull out and shoot all over her face. Follow that with a punch and smear the blood and **** together.
Blumpkin, The - You need to find a real tramp to do this right. It involves having her suck you off while you're on the *******.
Bronco, The - Back to reality with this classic. You start by going doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab onto her **** as tightly as possible and yell another girl's name. This gives you the feeling of riding a bronco as she tries to buck you off.
Bustard - A very rude bus driver.
Butt Rodeo - When you're going at it with a girl, you flip her over real fast, start ramming her in the *** and yell as loud as possible "BUTT RODEO!" You then see how long you can ride her till she tosses ya off!
Cajun Hot Stick - Chew some tobacco, spit it on your dick and stick it up a girl's ***. Named this because chewing tobacco burns sensitive skin.
Chili Dog, The - You take a dump on the girl's chest and then titty **** her.
Clitourist - A man who won't stop and ask for directions in bed. ie: "Because of his fouled foreplay, Suzy realized that her new boyfriend was no experienced bedroom traveler, but merely a clitourist."
Cold Faithful - Blowing your visibly steaming load outside in the winter time, like when you get your **** sucked on a ski lift.
Coyote - This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty skank and you know you've got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore, you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of this situation. Can be very painful.
Purple Mushroom - This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you withdraw your ***** in order to poke it back into her cheek. It should leave a lasting impression similar to a purple mushroom.
*** Guzzling Sperm Burping Bitch - The once in a lifetime act of blowing a hot steamy load down the back of a girl's throat and then proceeding to force a large cold bottle of Coke into her mouth. Shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the *** Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect. A great way to impress any friends in the room.
Dirty Braineack - While banging a girl doggy style, quickly stick 2 fingers deep into her starfish, then reach around and wipe the residue on her upper lip, providing her a mustache.
Dog in a Bathtub - This is the proper name for when you attempt to insert your nuts into a girl's ***. It is so named because it can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.
Double Fishhook - From the doggy - style position, you hook your pinky fingers in her mouth and pull back to achieve deeper penetration.
Donkey Punch - Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you ***, sticking your dick in her ***, and then punching her in the back of the neck. The blow to the neck will make her arc her back and tense her **** muscles, which will constrict the ***** and give you a tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate, but for it to work correctly, the girl must be knocked out so that her ******* tightens up.
Dutch Oven, The - Also well known. Whenever you fart while humping, pull the covers over her head. Don't let her out until all movement ceases.
Errol Flynn (Much Like Dirty Sanchez) - A time honoured event in which, while laying the bone doggy style, you insert your finger into her *******. You then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip, leaving a thin **** moustache. At the same time pull her hair back from her forehead. This makes her look like Errol Flynn.
Esplanade - To attempt an explanation while drunk.
Fish Eye, The - Working from behind, you shove your finger in her pooper. Thereupon, she turns around in a one - eyed winking motion to see what the hell you are doing.
Flaming Amazon, The - This one's for all you pyromaniacs out there. When you're screwing some chick, right when your about to ***, pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then extinguish the flames with your jizz!
Flatulence - The emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Flying Camel, The - As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then to flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl. Strictly a class move.
Fountain of You, The - While sitting on her face and having her eat your ***, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before releasing, spewing like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and ****. (Better in her bed)
Fumilingus - When a man (or woman) performs cunnilingus on a woman and she farts directly in his/her face.
Fur Ball, The - You're chomping away at some mighty Zena who has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's afro, when a mammoth fur ball gets lodged in your throat. You punch her.
Grand Pappy Smash - To beat your meat so hardcore that it starts to chafe and bleed.
******* Perry - Going to only one knuckle during an ---- probe is for wimps. Make this famous knuckle - ball pitcher proud and use multiple digits on that virgin corn hole. A minimum of 2 knuckles required (either on one finger or on multiple).
Glass Bottom Boat - Putting saran wrap over the skank's face and taking a dump.
Golden Shower - Any form of peeing on a girl. (aka: watersports)
Homolic Maneuver, The - Using your ***** to dislodge an object blocking a choking victim's windpipe.
Hot Lunch - While receiving head from a woman, you **** on her chest. (a.k.a. the Cleveland Steamer)
Houdini, The - Going at it doggy style until you are just about to come, then pull out and spit hard, but quietly, on her back so she thinks that you have come. When she turns around unleash a blast into her face and she is left shocked and amazed, wondering at what a great guy you are, and how you managed it.
Insta-gasm - Pre-mature ejaculation at the sight of a beautiful woman. ie: "She was so fine, I had an insta - gasm before I could get her clothes off!"
Intoxicourse - Having sexual intercourse whilst **** - drunk.
Jelly Doughnut - A derivation of the Bismark. All you have to do is punch her in the nose while you are getting head.
Mangry - Describing the anger of women who are angry at men, specifically. "She's such a bitch, she's just plain mangry."
Manual Deconstipation - This is where you get out the hand cream and go in manually for the hammerhead by breaking it into smaller chunks and pulling it out a piece at a time.
New York Style Taco - Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down on her, you puke on her box. Happy trails!
Old **** Trail - The stream of semen oozing down the chin and chest of someone who has just finished fellating a senior citizen.
Pearl Necklace - Well known. Whenever you *** on the neck/cleavage area of a girl, it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry.
Pink Glove - This frequently happens during sex when a girl is not wet enough. When you pull out to give her the money, the inside of her **** sticks to your hog. Thus, the pink glove.
Post Poodum Syndrome - The feeling of depression felt after successful removal of a hammerhead. The excitement has passed, and you must now find something else to occupy your time.
Ram, The - Again, you're attacking from behind, when you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.
Ray Bans - Put your nuts over her eye sockets while getting head. You're can is on her forehead. Yes, it may be anatomically impossible, but it is definitely worth a try.
Rear Admiral, The - An absolute blast. When getting a chick from behind (with both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab onto anything when she is bent over. Then, drive your hips into her backside so that the momentum pushes her forward. The goal is to push her into a wall or table, or have her trip and fall on her face. You attain the status of Admiral when you can push her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips.
Rusty Anchor - After a healthy term of the Stovepiping, the recipient gets to enjoy a good fudgesicle.
Rusty Trombone - When someone tosses someone's salad and jerks them off at the same time.
Sandpiper - A stovepiping on the local beach, desert, or playground sandbox. Also known as the Sandblast.
Lucky Pierre - the middle man in a three way buttfuck. Also known as the french sandwich.
Screwnicorn, The - When a dyke puts her strap - on ***** on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.
Short in the Cord, A - A "code" phrase used by the common man to refer to Testicular Tendon Tangle Syndrome. Ex. "Oh ****! My nuts are killing me... I think I've got a short in the cord."
Smoking Pole - Self Explanatory. Don't use fire.
Snowmobile, The - When plugging a girl while she's on all fours, reach around and sweep out her arms so she falls on her face.
Split pissonality - When you're taking a leak and you get two streams out of the one hole!
Stovepiping - Taking it in the Tush.
Stranger, The - Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then jerking off, eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else.
Stuffucking - The act of "stuffing in" your limp, helpless member in hopes of getting it up. Potential causes: you're too drunk or she's too ugly. (see also; Fugly)
Tea bag - As you are sitting on a girl's face, repeatedly dip your ******* in and out of her mouth, similar to a tea bag in a cup of hot water. An old favorite.
Tossing salad - Well known by now. A prison act where one person is forced to chow starfish with the help of whatever condiments are available, i.e. Jello, ****, etc.
Tuna Melt - You're down on a chick, lapping away, and you discover that it's her time of the month. By no means do you stop though. When the whale spews, tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face.
Turkey Shoot - When you're coming, come on her face and let it drip off her chin so it looks like that red **** on the turkey's chin.
Valsalva - The act of pinching shut (with thumb and forefinger) a woman's nose while receiving fellatio; most effective when employed just prior to the release point due to the gag reflex and ensuing swallow that the woman is forced to do to continue breathing. A great first date ploy, as it sets the stage for what the rules of engagement will be going forward.
Western Grip - When jerking off, turn your hand around, so that your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use; hence, western.
Woody Woodpecker - While a chick is sucking on your *****, repeatedly tap the head of your **** on her forehead.
Zombie Mask, The - While getting head from your favorite, unsuspecting, trash - barrel *****, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those "pretty little eyes" when you blow your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good weeks worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.

More:
Angry Pirate:
guy is standing up getting head, the girls is squating down.. when you go, you back up a little and make SURE to get it in one eye. then she'll take one hand and cover her eye and then you stomp on her toe, so she hops up holding one eye, on one foot, going AAARGRGGG
Vacuum Cleaner:
Preferably on the floor.
Doing a girl from behind, when you go, pull out and shoot between her legs on the floor. Then, you grab her elbows from behind and pull them up so her face falls on the floor... then you lean back and pull her with you so her face drags over the love mayonnaise. better if they actually slurp it up.
Honest Abe:
After blowing your load on your girl's face, break out the clippers and proceed to trim your trim yourself right over her face. This will create the appearance of a luxurious beard, much like that of Abraham Lincoln.
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Old 06-01-2010, 08:14 PM   #33
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The eiffel tower: When the girl is getting plunged in the hamwallet by one guy, and giving head to another, both guys cheerfully high five above her and laugh at her dumbass.
breaded cutlet: your banging a chick missionary style on the beach, take out your ****, dip it in the sand til it is nicely breaded, stick it back in. breaded cutlet
Roman War-Helmet: When you're on top of a chick in the 69 position, and you dick lays down the bridge of her nose and your ***** lay on either side of her forhead, resembling ....The Roman War-helmet.
Ghost Punch: Very similar to the Donkey punch, however when you're friend is about to deck their unsuspecting fuckbuddy, you jump out of his closet and punch HIM in the back of the head and run away. This leaves him dazed, wondering what happened.
The fisherman: when fooling around on the bed, push her off so she lands on the floor and dangle your dick off the side of the bed as if fishing with it. Better if she falls off herself.
The Werewolf: you shave your pubes and put them on the nightstand, after you blow your load all over her face you get your pubes and blow them all over her face as well giving her the image she deserves.
Abba Kadabra - you're slammin a girl from behind up against a window, your buddy sneaks out of the closet and very carefully you two swap, then while your buddy's doin your dirty work you walk around outside and wave at her through the window
Spiderman - again you're railing a chick from behind and just before you blow your load you pull out and catch it in your hand, the minute she turns around you websling the baby-batter right in her face
Swedish Rodeo - you're nailin some skank you don't like from behind and then whisper in her ear that you have AIDS and see how long you can hang on
The Tony Danza: Doing a girl from behind, you yell "Who's the boss?" when she turns around to figure out what you are talkin about you slap her in the face and yell "Tony Danza, Bitch!"
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Old 06-01-2010, 09:16 PM   #34
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wow that was fucked up for the guy bungee jumping...he probably thought he was going to die...and my god Sam...that is one hell of a list...I like this one, "Dirty Braineack - While banging a girl doggy style, quickly stick 2 fingers deep into her starfish, then reach around and wipe the residue on her upper lip, providing her a mustache." haha
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Old 06-01-2010, 09:17 PM   #35
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Im going to use saint foos for next month and the month after...i used, "it will most likely be the only thing I do that will make you scream." so she will have to wait a month before the egg goes splat
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Old 06-01-2010, 11:03 PM   #36
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OH LeE ****... God damn sam, just... god damnit.
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Old 06-02-2010, 12:11 AM   #37
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Quote:
breaded cutlet: your banging a chick missionary style on the beach, take out your ****, dip it in the sand til it is nicely breaded, stick it back in. breaded cutlet
The best.
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Old 06-02-2010, 08:11 AM   #38
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Braineack View Post
I like when I'm the only passenger on the train...this is why I drive a car to work.
I like being able to go where ever I want, on whichever train I feel like taking that day, even if it means I'm not the only passenger.
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Old 06-02-2010, 09:00 AM   #39
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The best.
Banging on the beach is overrated because of that. There are places sand shouldn't be.
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Old 06-02-2010, 09:01 AM   #40
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RyanRaduechel View Post
Im going to use saint foos for next month and the month after...i used, "it will most likely be the only thing I do that will make you scream." so she will have to wait a month before the egg goes splat
:bows: Thank you for your consideration
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