A Tale of Two Fissures, A story of the world's strangest man and his colon
 

A couple years ago I'd go to the gym, eat several thousand calories, and make special diarrhea immediately after dinner,every time. I'd also ---- 3x per day. Now, I'm half ------- constipated all the time and ---- once per day, when I do it hurts my virgin anus. What went wrong between 29 and 31?

I went from diarrhea and clay textured wall-painter bowl twisters to inter-locked fiber turds that hurt on the way out. I've changed nothing about diet or exercise. Is this AIDS or cancer?

It was the gaping I gave you a while back.

Wanna have another look? I know that when you're laying down, anticipating my sinful payload upon your chest, there's a great angle to look straight up my anus.

Lol, this is funny because I believe every word. I'd say this is 10% troll 90% scared little boy.

lol, this is not a troll post. I'm getting old, what's happening?

we can have a dingleberry party.
I'll bring the pick

your balls finally dropped and you can stop gluing fake hair to your crotch

Too much meat. Eat your vegies. More

Did not know you where 31. All I hear old people talk about is their health, so I guess this thread makes sense.

I've changed nothing, I eat lots of carrots, onion, zucchini, squash.

Awesome, lol. 24-year old face, 65-year lower GI.

but you also eat a lot of meat

big veiny kielbasas to be specific

There was a day I could eat so much fatty BBQ that I raced home to not ---- my pants from Lockhart to Austin. Again, I changed nothing, eat fairly well-rounded meals, and still lift.

I've had kielbasa but I can't find any girthy-enough in California.

doubling my Xtenze intake to keep you satisfied

All I eat is Whataburger and drink Dr Pepper. My poo is regular and solid, so sounds like you need more of both of those in your diet to balance things out.

I had a bowl of canned spinach and creamed corn the other night for a meal. it looked exactly the same the next morning. I found it interesting.

potatoes, bacon, and vodka.
my sh!t is purple and smells like rainbow sherbet

Serious question. Does this work? When I want to get my fucky on , I do have a cialis. For megacrunk fuckage it is a win.

no idea
I'm hung like a walrus, just ask hustler

Get a colonoscopy if you are truly worried. The GOLYTELY alone might be worth it for you.

Why isn't there a poll option for "whiny Bi__h"?


Drink more water!

I get explosive diarrhea 5-10 minutes after eating fairly frequently which started after I lost my gallbladder. The ONLY food I've identified causes it for sure is *.mexican (who doesn't that make ---- their pants??) and Red Robin. Sucks. :sad:

How is your protein shake intake? If you're not taking a good bit of protein, a shake every morning in place of whatever you eat for breakfast ought to make you creamy and regular, PDQ.

my ---- is never solid.

I used to eat fiber bars in the morning. didnt help. having long hair and fissures doesn't help either.

fagette, lol.

Don't fiber bars usually give you the runs?

Not me.

fiber make manly stool. metimusal is what hustler needs.

Water intake... minimum 1 gallon a day.

If you want explosive diarrhea get the weight gainer from walmart.. that thing is like a nuke.

Hernia.

Liquid poops till I had it fixed. Even if you don't have one, get the surgery. Best feeling in the world.

Aids

What? Details on this surgery"

Cancer is not a joke. I vote AIDS.

Wilson got cancer on House. He only has 4 episodes to cure it before the series finale.

And shoot himself with his dad's gun.

Replace bread or pasta or rice products with some Ryvita crisp bread or the equivalent. It's similar to using metamucil etc but its actually food, pure whole grains. I switched up my diet to that when I'm trying to lose weight. When I lower my overall food/calories intake I can get a bit plugged. Plus it's lower in carbs and not so insulin reacting (compared to bread or pasta or rice) for more weight loss.

Have you been eating the same foods all the time for a while? Sometimes a big changeup of foods can get the bowels moving. Sort of like changing up a workout routine.

If you have added many grams of fiber and water a day and still have hard poops after a few days it couldn't hurt to get a checkup. Catch something early and you can beat it.

Are you on a pre-hibernating diet? Bears eat sticks and beaver dams to make an eh-nal plug so they don't poop during hibernation ?
http://en.allexperts.com/q/Wild-Anim...ibernating.htm

Last night's ep? Still need to watch that one



Also, butt-aids.

Thanks, I'll try the capitalist equivalent.

now that I'm basically the strongest man in the universe, I'm eating more than ever at about 4000 calories per day.

I've basically made no changes. For dinner tonight I might go to the Paki place that always gives me diarrhea and see what happens. I'm not looking forward to this conversation with the new doctor on Friday. lol

I fear the butt-cam, but I think it's on the way.My GF offered to us a GoPro on a string.

Interesting, lol.


How should I prepare my ------- if I'm about to go see the doctor about it? Should I shave it, maybe spritz an orange or lemon on it? My mud-dump drops some pretty disgusting stuff so I'm pretty embarrassed about it.

A friend of mine just got over Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever (30% mortality rate at his stage) and the doctors kept asking him if he had AIDS because they thought he was lying, lol. So he has a bill for AIDS testing included in his other stuff.

In the movie of his life, his prospective father-in-law would hire a private detective to check him out (to protect his daughter) and the private detective would uncover the AIDS test which would lead to a tense but humorous confrontation between your friend and his prospective father-in-law.

I wonder what the new guys at "Internet Brands" are thinking about me right now, lol.

aroused.

"Man, those Miata guys are weird."

This conversation is exactly like the ones you walk into going to visit a grandparent in the assisted living facility.

What is your caffeine intake like? My GI tract and regularity have thanked me since migrating to 95% decaf. Just a sprinkle of caffeinated beans in the mix now.

I bet they seen worse in "infertility forumz"
http://www.internetbrands.com/our-brands/health/

2. 5 cups per day, but that's not new either. I guess I'll have to talk to the doctor about this.

Fibers and water.
Now use the bristol stool scale to quantify.

well - speaking of impacted colons - will I have to drink a cup of oil to get the chicken from Babe's Chicken out? Currently at Best Eestern near DFW for business meeting. Going with the customers to said place here in Dallas/FW tonight - rather might get soup here in Texas - after hearing of Hustlers plugged ass. Guess everything is big in texas, even the turd logs...

I'd hook up with you locals and buy the beer, but ain't got the time sadly. Quick in and out, no time to drop the top and smell the turds...

No joke, if you can find Durian and actually eat it, its got some of, if not the most fiber content in any fruit aside from Fae and 18psi. That stuff will make you ---- mad regular. It smells and tastes like ---- to some people but I like it. Maybe because I like the taste of ---- but that cant be the actual reason why i like it

Isn't that the brown fruit with the spikes all over it ? Dangerous looking fruit. What does it taste like ?

it is indeed. Well the first two bites for me are not too easy because at first there is this oniony sulferous taste. Then it taste like a sweet rotten fruit. The third bite then tastes like bananna, almonds and melon. It gets better each bite. You have to make sure though that its properly ripe or else it seriously will smell like sulfer methane and ---- and stink up your whole house. It happened to me when I first started eating it. Also, its better to eat when its cold.

I LOVE Babe's. Which one are you going to? You need smoked chicken and chicken fried steak on the table.

There is a Super H Mart here where I can get a Durian, procure legal service, purchase a bedit, and buy fish heads for the cheeks all in one place. I however cannot stomach durian.

Have you tried it yet? Give it a shot as I guarantee you that itll make you ---- like a mad man and probably regulate those bowels

You gotta give it 3 bites. Its a weird fruit as it regulates taste buds

LOL, that's EXACTLY what I got tonight, the smoked chicken, and goddam it was good! That was an awesome place, even though they don't serve alcohol... if I had known, I would have brought my own stash. But I'm making up for it now :)

The Babe's we went to was about 4-5 miles from DFW, on the NE end - I think? NE of John Carpenter

Just looked up, was in Carrolton

90% chance they ------- love you, because you drive page views. Page views translate into $$$ directly for them bro.

This thread...lol
https://www.miataturbo.net/attachmen...ine=1335333224

Me and my best friend have the exact same problem. Mine was there before and after my gallbladder was removed. She just started after her gallbladder was removed. it's always comical when we eat pizza at her apartment. "Hurry!!! :vash:"

Gallbladder crew - reduce fat intake.

I just got into work and the first thing I am doing is pooping. I held it in for a good half hour to make sure I would be getting paid for it.