If I was a terrorist, or had something to hide, this would be the only way I'd travel as well.

 

Wouldn't it be far easier to mail an auto-destructive package to the address? Less personal risk involved I would think.

 

Personal risk is key to getting 72 virgins.

 

Which would be great unless it gets there on the day the douchebag's daughter gets the mail.

 

Well, something less felonious like asking each of you to take a dump in a box and mail it to him could be fulfilling in its own special way. Return addresses with names like "Electronics Depot" or "Order Fulfillment Center" could be a nice touch.

 

It seems to me that the douchebag's daughter getting the package could have much farther reaching implications than if the douchebag himself got the package. There's much more emotion tied to the idea that a thief could cause a loved one harm. If it's just him that gets it, it will be simple vengeance. If it's his daughter, then mail frauds nationwide might be somewhat deterred:

ABC News at 6
Reporter: A little girl suffered severe trauma and is in critical condition tonight because she opened a mail bomb addressed to her father. ABC was able to get this *exclusive* interview from her mother tonight.

Mother (in "hell hath no fury" mode): I told Jerry to quit buying iPhones with other peoples credit cards - he's been stealing that stuff for years, and I told him it was going to come back and haunt him! Not look, my daughter's in the hospital, and the police have taken his *** to jail!

Reporter:Officers say a suspicious package with no return address was delivered to this front door, the same front door that had been receiving packages daily for at least two weeks. When officers entered the house, they found boxes stacked to the ceiling with new iPhones, XBoxes, and Playstations. High ticket items that could fetch cash premiums. The husband, Jerry, is now facing charges of fraud and identity theft. The origin of the suspicious package is still under investigation.

I do not condone violence of any kind except that which is reasonable to protect or defend life. I also do not condone vigilante-ism. Pro-tip: after you call the FBI with the address, call San Jose's ABC affiliate.


This is genious - make sure to put it in a sealed bag, and glue the outside of the bag to the inside of the box so that when the box is opened, the bag is also ripped open.

Alternatively, if you don't feel like pooping in a box, dump a protein shake or two in the sealed bag. Wait 2-3 days before sending it. Once it arrives at the perps address, it will be the foulest smelling thing this side of a medium sized seemingly isolated villiage in Liberia.

Put your empty iPhone 6 box inside the big sealed bag too, filled with a few rocks for weight, and sealed in it's own plastic bag, that way if the bag doesn't open when he opens the box, he still has to get through the deathly smell to get to your empty box.

 

Oo, I like this! Fooger gets it

 

Put in a little note that says, Welcome to Ebola!

That will get his head spinning.

 

I am willing donate feces to this project.

 

I hope they are actually at the address where these packages are being delivered, rather than stealing the mail as it shows up.