dieselmiata

iTrader: (3)

Married for 14 years, have 3 kids (8,9,12) and have had two (2) arguments since we began dating. It's almost scary how well we get along, a genuine textbook June and Ward picture perfect relationship.(I suspect she's actually a spy for her government and getting paid to put up with me.)

I can't say for certain if it's because both of us are so willing to listen to each other and compromise our own wants/needs for the other, or if it's simply a cultural thing.
I do suspect it's a combination of the two, as I have many other friends who are married to foreigners and they seem to have very successful marriages. Sadly, many of my friends who are in American/American marriages are not so successful. Lots of fighting, divorces, cheating, etc. Most Americans are so busy trying to get ahead in life they never slow down to take care of each other and appreciate what they have NOW, opting to focus more on what could be.

y8s

iTrader: (8)

Not really. Because there are so many different individuals out there with different ideas about what Man and Woman means, it's either going to be cliche or generalization or stereotype and not science.

I know how I am with my wife and how I have been with other women of varying levels of good-for-me-ness.

The variables are not so simple that I can contain them in a single or even many posts. I do often like to be glib and shoot something off to explain it all, but this isn't a subject I can do it for.

I can only speak for myself and a little for my wife.

It helps that we both have similar middle class and pop cultural backgrounds so that we can communicate and understand each other. It does not help that we were raised differently in other ways and can clash in our approaches to disagreements, but we acknowledge and make a point to circle back with each other when we do disagree so that we can resolve things. Personally, it makes me feel like I'm learning and accomplishing something when I do this because it gives me insight into dealing with her personality.

Also she understands that I am a die hard "leg man" and part of her desire to make me happy includes having nice legs that she (tries) to keep shaved and in decent shape. She doesn't have to, she wants to. And I understand that she has various things that she appreciates and I try to make those happen for her as well.

Furthermore, our genetics combined into pretty much the most epic offspring. Not only is he unbelievably handsome, he's incredibly smart.

triple88a

iTrader: (2)

My experience with feminists has been "I want to be equal to a man however i dont want to do a mans job and a man should treat me like a woman but i want to be equal" BS. I have nothing against women, matter of fact i've always treated women with respect however feminists **** me off because of that childish mindset. That "I want to be equal only on the things that affect me positively however want a double standard on what affects me negatively."

Joe Perez

iTrader: (8)

Reading this thread makes me realize how fortunate I am.

EO2K

iTrader: (37)

(I have a diatribe I'm saving for later)

Joe Perez

iTrader: (8)

Hahaha. Yeah, that's pretty much how it happened with me.

calteg

iTrader: (18)

This, minus the "ignore women" part. You have to put yourself in a position to actually meet people. The cold fusion reactor you're building in your garage will get some gal moist, but if you never leave the garage, she'll never get to see it.


Random thoughts:

My wife and I have been happily married for 8 years.
She cooks, cleans, and takes care of the dog.
I pay all of the bills, do the yardwork, maintain the cars.
Apparently this makes me a rabid sexist, but it works for the two of us.

I'm not terribly attractive, not athletic, but I've never lacked for companionship. I've always pursued my hobbies with passion, and I think a lot of women are attracted to a man who is doggedly pursuing SOMETHING (other than video games).

Whining is bullshit. No one wants a whiner as a friend\spouse\lover. Improve yourself, improve your situation. This likely involves a lot of tough introspection.

I've entered every relationship with the mantra: "I want someone who is happy on their own, but happier with me." It sounds like a bunch of you are dating miserable *****, then slapping fancy labels on it when it doesn't work out.

There are 3.5 Billion women on Earth, life is too short to spend it rehabilitating a damaged personality. Be man enough to recognize it early, end the relationship humanely, and move on to the next.

Figure out what you want out of a relationship, then lay it on the table as soon as things get serious. I've never wanted children and I let gals know it early on. It sank a bunch of promising relationships, but spared me a lifetime of fights\misery\heartache.

You're going to have to compromise.

I've told my wife that, knowing what I know now, I would never get married again. "The system" screws men financially. It's archaic, but true.

sixshooter

iTrader: (12)

Ding, ding, ding! Folks, we have a winner!

Guys ignore the warning signs early on because it is easier than continuing to hunt for the right one. They settle with Miss Volatile or Miss Unreliable instead of continuing to look because they are getting a steady piece of *** and it is too much work to break up and begin looking again. I see many guys who are dating women long term that they know are damaged. They end up feeling stuck when they've been together over a year or two and she starts talking marriage. She's been on her best behavior and has been taking care of her body as well as she ever will during the dating process and he's still barely able to tolerate her but because he didn't take decisive action earlier he has placed himself in a quandary.

More than half of the women you will meet are irreparably damaged. Be choosy when it comes to morals, rationality, and emotional stability. You need someone you can count on to make the right decision in your absence or on your behalf. You need someone reliable as a business partner, not exciting. You need someone with responsible spending habits and able to maintain good credit, because those habits seldom improve and will ruin your life if they are bad. Pick someone who has their shiit together.

Pick someone who challenges you intellectually and keeps you interested. Physical appearance will change over time. Your hair will gray and your belly will grow, and so might hers. Marry someone you actually like and whose company you truly enjoy so you have something in common other than sex and a home address.

olderguy

iTrader: (19)

THIS^^^^^^

On my third and last marriage. Met this one 33 years ago and lived together for 10 years before I married her; only to give her the feeling of security. Only one major argument during the entire period, but other than that, very happy with how it turned out.