I'm going to be Quail Man. Not offensive or terrifying, but awesome at college parties.

Last year I was captain crunch, with a 3-foot blue hat. I carried around a box of cereal and everybody ate it. I was SO POPULAR! First time for everything I guess. Then I got sick from the hundreds of people sticking their hands in my cereal.

 

So what do you think is at the root of this overwhelming desire for attention? Not enough hugs as a kid? No affirmations from your father? An inherent belief that you will never be loved for your positive qualities so you must attract attention for your negatives?



I think my wife and I are going to be Sophia Grace and Rosie. I need to work on my British accent and memorize the lyrics to Super Bass. Our best costume was a few years back when I went as Ron Burgundy and she was Veronica Corningstone.

 

did you have an enormous errection?

 

It was the pants... I took them back to the... pants store.

 

an illusion of sorts?

 

an optical illusion.

I think Jake should go as Big foots turgid *****.

 

that's what he goes as 364 days of the year.

 

True. Perhaps a Whales Vagina then

 

I've always wanted to dress up like San Diego!

 

san DIAGO

 

I made an exact replica of Goose's flight suit from Top Gun five years ago and wear it every year as it always gets me laid. My wife likes it.

 

do you have the stache, man?

 

You're both going to be little girls? Dude, I know you're a shorter dude but that's creepy as ****.

 

You sure got me there. Have you considered a career as a criminal therapist for murderers and rapists? Or do you just get your kicks from arguing with people online?

But no really, I typically don't go out in public with these costumes. Just to house parties where mostly everyone knows me and will laugh at my distastefulness. It's sort of an inside joke with us. Now **** off.

 

lol

 

I wish. Every year I say I am going to commit to it, but after a week of not shaving I go crazy with how much it itches.

 

I've been bearded for about six months now, I keep everything trimmed but the mustache because I'm going to make March 2013 the greatest Mustache March of all time.

 

Just grab a glue-on mustache. That way, when half of it falls off midway through the evening, it just adds to the hilarity (a la Saturday Night Live skits).

 

 

Oh, I get it, you're parts from eBay