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Old 07-23-2009, 02:20 PM   #41
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$42K sounds like good money for Kentucky. It seems you are doing well financially for a 23-year-old. Don't feel compelled to chase more money because somebody else wants you to.

You'll know when a girl is "the one." But on the flip side, everybody "settles" to a certain extent when they get married. If I didn't settle, I'd probably be married to Scarlett Johansson or some other famous younger chick with a shitload of money and never have to work.

And if you have an argument with the GF and start thinking the grass may be greener with somebody else, remember that no matter how hot or perfect a chick may seem at first, somewhere in the world is a man who is tired of putting up with her ****. You need to figure out if this was just an isolated argument and if your major life priorities are really compatible, or not. If she aspires to be upwardly mobile in society and you don't, that could be a problem. If she's hitting the gym and you are letting yourself go, that's definitely bad. Some bitching about your hobbies is normal, because most women don't have hobbies to fill their time to the extent that men do. However, if you're ignoring her while spending 6 hours a night on mt.net, she probably should leave your ***. You need to strike a balance.

She wants to see you put some effort into yourself because she respects herself and doesn't want to be with a slacker. This is the kind of attitude I like in a woman. Chicks with low self-esteem (I dated a few) just don't do it for me. If you are still serious about this chick, going to the gym with her would be a good idea. You can spend time with her while doing something that is good for you and that she views as productive. You can gawk at the other hotties at the gym, and she'll be staring at all the ripped guys, and then you can go home and have some pretty hot post-workout sex. It's a win-win.

Oh, and if you blew up at her to the point that she was crying, then I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you are going to have to... wait for it... apologize. I know, it's a foreign concept to many men.
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Old 07-23-2009, 02:21 PM   #42
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does your g/f ever do this? if your answer is yes then that might be your problem.

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Old 07-23-2009, 02:24 PM   #43
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by the way, i dont see any pics of said girlfriend. pics or it never happened!
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Old 07-23-2009, 02:37 PM   #44
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Quote:
Originally Posted by neogenesis2004 View Post
She's probably already cheating on you, why she's started working out....

< I'm an *******
+1
last girl I was dating did this.
We were engaged for a year before we broke up, two weeks after we broke up she was re-engaged and got married within two months.
all her working out was for nothing as she inflated like a balloon shortly after.
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Old 07-23-2009, 02:40 PM   #45
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Rule #1: dont live with a girl you dont intend to marry

Rule #2: dont marry a girl you've never lived with
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Old 07-23-2009, 03:06 PM   #46
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Rule #3: More boost.
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Old 07-23-2009, 03:29 PM   #47
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Married at 21. We had good credit so we bought a house right away. A crappy tiny house in a crappy neighborhood. Couple of beater cars but they were reliable. I worked while she went to school, she was driven while I can enjoy just getting by. We scraped and saved but enjoyed cheap or free activities as much as possible. Concerts in the park, camping, road trips, etc.

Fast forward 23 years. We are still best friends, she's still driven and makes great money. Nice house, nice cars, toys etc. but we both still work ungodly hours. Are we any happier with newer bigger better? No. We just have more stuff and responsibilities. There is nothing wrong with being happy with what you have and where you are in life.

Ideally you'll find someone driven enough to be sucessful (that makes life a little easier) but doesn't need you to be driven too. I'm the slacker in my marriage and it works for us.
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Old 07-23-2009, 03:34 PM   #48
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Do what makes you happy (not what a SO or society tells you to) and the rest will follow. There's a difference between working at a relationship and doing something you genuinely don't like with your life.

It's obvious your objectives (current and long term) don't meet up with hers. Unless there is some crazy chemistry going on, it's not gonna work out.

Chris
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Old 07-23-2009, 06:43 PM   #49
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Guys, I gotta just say I really appreciate all the overwhelming advice and opinions in here.

Thanks for keeping it civil (for the most part) and staying on point.

I'll come back in later and make remarks/quotes and hopefully shed a little more light.... although I was essentially just looking to hear from everyone, I want to address some things that've been mentioned.

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Old 07-23-2009, 11:14 PM   #50
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Quote:
Originally Posted by samnavy View Post
Did you say you had a 4-year degree?
No. I've got 48 credit hours of gen eds with a focus on science.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ZX-Tex View Post
Enjoying your work IMO is important than how much you make. Even if I could go get an MBA, and make double my salary in upper management at a Fortune 500 company, I would hate my job, and mostly hate life. I could do it, but I would not like it. I am a techie at heart.
My family for about 6 generations running has had maintenance types... I'm a maintenance manager for an airline catering company. I work on anything from water lines, boilers, electrical lines, roofing, HVAC, hi-lift catering trucks, ovens/mixers/fryers, tile floors, forklifts, flight dish machines, etc. I know what it's like to be a techie.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ZX-Tex View Post
There are lots of resources out there to help you figure out what you like and what you are good at. For example before starting college I took a couple of computer-based tests at a couple of college career centers; they were these looooong multi-choice qestionairres that ultimately boiled it all down to a summary that was remarkably spot-on for me. I am not sure what the contemporary version is but you can probably find something.
I took the ASVAB in highschool and it said I'd be great at being a skilled surgeon, and something else... maybe like an airplane pilot? Can't remember.

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Originally Posted by ZX-Tex View Post
Or hell, if you like your current job and your current situation, then just keep doing what you are doing. All is well despite what the GF thinks. You definitely sound like you have your financial situation in order. But, look at the bright side. If you can keep things good with her, she will make some serious coin as a pharmacist when she graduates. More turboz!
See... I do like what I'm doing and how life is right now. Finances are all self-made and I'm a tight-***.... which is why the Miata still doesn't run and my Camaro has had a bad posi unit for over a year.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Stein View Post
While I don't think she is already cheating, she is considering it or at least leaving so that she can pursue other options.
Maybe. But she's not the cheating kind. That much I know beyond any doubt.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stein View Post
If she sticks around and accepts you as you are, great. If not, great. Either way works for you.
Yeah... kinda. Isn't it supposed to be that way?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Newbsauce View Post
Here's my thoughts:
Job
I've been to northern KY, and I ******* love it there (Florence). If your making 42k still, that's a solid amount for that area since the cost of living is dirt cheap. I saw new construction in the 170s, so I can imagine your 120k house is pretty nice. So if your happy with your job, do your job. If you aren't.. start looking for some other field (you know the IRS is there, which is a good fed job) to fund your....
I live in Florence. New construction (3 bed, 1 and 1/2 bath, 1 car garage) goes for $120's here all day. To get a 2 car it's like $135k. My house is 34 years old (I wanted a house w/ character) but sold 4 years ago for $140k, I got it for $110k needing work.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Newbsauce View Post
Cars/Projects
Owning a house is a huge step, I signed my life away on one just yesterday! I'd recommend maybe shedding some of those projects in favor of taking on the house as a project. Might be time to part with your mullet and your camaro if the miata is already your project. The woman or you will always have a house project you will be working on in the future which you will need time for.. leading to....
Planning on LOTS of home improvement work. Can't part w/ the Camaro. I've got a little over $2k invested in it and it makes 300+ wheel torque at 2600 rpm. It's not the fasted **** on 4 wheels but I love the brute. The woman isn't a live-in. The house is all mine.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Newbsauce View Post
The Bitch
women NOT in the work force do NOT understand what it's like to come home after a long day at work....

All that being said, don't put yourself through a struggle if she's not the one. DO NOT FORCE IT. Forcing it = marriage to someone you dont want to spend 50 years with. If she's not your best friend, she will eventually end up with half of what you worked hard to own.
Well, we've been in multiple big blow-outs on the difference between my 8 to 10 hour WORK day and her 6 to 8 hour "work" day. She's a pharmacy tech. I'm skilled labor. Something she can't seem the grasp is why my back is fucked, feet hurt like hell, and knuckles are always sore and busted.

I don't really force anything. Truth is, I'm pretty blunt and rude about things, unwilling to see "both sides of the situation" in most cases, and too stubborn to change. My father's the same way.... a jerk.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ZX-Tex View Post
Also should throw in, if I married one of the chicks I was with when I was in my early 20s it would not have worked out for sure. One of the benefits of getting serious/married later in life. No reason to rush it IMO.
I'm FOR SURE not rushing anything.

Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanSoot View Post
YOU NEED TO **** HER!
Example... 10 minutes ago.
She goes in to get ready for bed. I come in, candles are lit... we're about to...... she's like, "finally a night together" and I'm like, "well, I told my friend I'd go shoot darts with him at 11 but... lets do this." I get denied, she puts up the block and tells me she doesn't want to unless I stay in, but doesn't want to make me cancel my plans. WTF? I could punch babies right now. (this is a true scenario that actually just took place... no ****... except the punching babies part)

Thing is, I had rules.. yes... rules with he not staying here ALL THE TIME because we tend to start bickering and annoying each other after about a week. She is in a summer course at Xavier university and my apartment is 40 miles closer to Xavier than her parent's house. Her and I talked about it and agreed she could "live here" until the class is over. It's been 2.5 weeks of non-stop being together, even all weekend, and that's why I'd rather go shoot darts than stay in and have awkward frustrating sex. Awkward and frustrating because now I know if we did it I'd feel like less of a man for letter her have ***** control over me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ScottFW View Post
$42K sounds like good money for Kentucky. It seems you are doing well financially for a 23-year-old. Don't feel compelled to chase more money because somebody else wants you to.

You'll know when a girl is "the one." But on the flip side, everybody "settles" to a certain extent when they get married. If I didn't settle, I'd probably be married to Scarlett Johansson or some other famous younger chick with a shitload of money and never have to work.

And if you have an argument with the GF and start thinking the grass may be greener with somebody else, remember that no matter how hot or perfect a chick may seem at first, somewhere in the world is a man who is tired of putting up with her ****. You need to figure out if this was just an isolated argument and if your major life priorities are really compatible, or not. If she aspires to be upwardly mobile in society and you don't, that could be a problem. If she's hitting the gym and you are letting yourself go, that's definitely bad. Some bitching about your hobbies is normal, because most women don't have hobbies to fill their time to the extent that men do. However, if you're ignoring her while spending 6 hours a night on mt.net, she probably should leave your ***. You need to strike a balance.

She wants to see you put some effort into yourself because she respects herself and doesn't want to be with a slacker. This is the kind of attitude I like in a woman. Chicks with low self-esteem (I dated a few) just don't do it for me. If you are still serious about this chick, going to the gym with her would be a good idea. You can spend time with her while doing something that is good for you and that she views as productive. You can gawk at the other hotties at the gym, and she'll be staring at all the ripped guys, and then you can go home and have some pretty hot post-workout sex. It's a win-win.

Oh, and if you blew up at her to the point that she was crying, then I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you are going to have to... wait for it... apologize. I know, it's a foreign concept to many men.
Many good points there, mate. Noted.
Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanSoot View Post
by the way, i dont see any pics of said girlfriend. pics or it never happened!
I put a pick up in another thread.... you'll have to search for it. Not putting up any of her "good" pics... I'd rather not endure the **** talk from everyone.


Quote:
Originally Posted by cueball1 View Post
Married at 21. We had good credit so we bought a house right away. A crappy tiny house in a crappy neighborhood. Couple of beater cars but they were reliable. I worked while she went to school, she was driven while I can enjoy just getting by. We scraped and saved but enjoyed cheap or free activities as much as possible. Concerts in the park, camping, road trips, etc.

Fast forward 23 years. We are still best friends, she's still driven and makes great money. Nice house, nice cars, toys etc. but we both still work ungodly hours. Are we any happier with newer bigger better? No. We just have more stuff and responsibilities. There is nothing wrong with being happy with what you have and where you are in life.

Ideally you'll find someone driven enough to be sucessful (that makes life a little easier) but doesn't need you to be driven too. I'm the slacker in my marriage and it works for us.
I wouldn't say I'm a slacker, I just haven't found something really worth giving up what I have, to pursue. I don't have it made, but I have enough for now to make me plenty happy. My job exposes me to foreign tasks quite often, so I'm always learning new trades/improving old skills which I find highly enlightening and challenging.

Last edited by Project84; 07-23-2009 at 11:25 PM.
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Old 07-23-2009, 11:19 PM   #51
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Quote:
Example... 10 minutes ago.
She goes in to get ready for bed. I come in, candles are lit... we're about to...... she's like, "finally a night together" and I'm like, "well, I told my friend I'd go shoot darts with him at 11 but... lets do this." I get denied, she puts up the block and tells me she doesn't want to unless I stay in, but doesn't want to make me cancel my plans. WTF? I could punch babies right now. (this is a true scenario that actually just took place... no ****... except the punching babies part)
oh. I seriously didn't know you were gay, this changes things.
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Old 07-23-2009, 11:29 PM   #52
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Project84 View Post
She goes in to get ready for bed. I come in, candles are lit... we're about to...... she's like, "finally a night together" and I'm like, "well, I told my friend I'd go shoot darts with him at 11 but... lets do this." I get denied, she puts up the block and tells me she doesn't want to unless I stay in, but doesn't want to make me cancel my plans. WTF? I could punch babies right now. (this is a true scenario that actually just took place... no ****... except the punching babies part)
Alright, this is pretty You might be able to get away with this with certain people but you should know this **** shouldn't fly if you've been with her for that long.
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Old 07-23-2009, 11:33 PM   #53
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2 years, 2 months, 13 days.

I mentioned going out with a friend earlier around 8:30..... so she knew I had plans to leave.
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Old 07-23-2009, 11:42 PM   #54
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It's almost 11:00 your time and you are still here. Aren't you going to play darts?
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Old 07-23-2009, 11:48 PM   #55
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Originally Posted by Braineack View Post
oh. I seriously didn't know you were gay, this changes things.




On a serious note,

Dude, enjoy your life. Seems to me your in a great point in your life, got a level head on your shoulders, and frankly if I were in your position I wouldnt give it up for anything.

As for the girl, the example you just gave is kinda dumb. Easily couldve had you cake and eaten it too if you put a lil effort into it. As for the other previous issues such as life goals...remember that people dont really change. So you need to stick to your guns, and keep doing what your doing. If that means she's gonna lose interest and move on then so be it. Don't be talked into something thats not really you when it comes to life decisions man. Otherwise 10yrs from now you'll be doing something you hate, to make money for stuff you dont enjoy, coming home to a wife you resent, and being stuck there because of kids or some ****.

I'd say at your age, making the money ur making, where you're living, with your own house, your likes/dislikes, having fun, and getting laid.....who's better than you man?
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Old 07-24-2009, 03:22 AM   #56
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i think you need to start ignoring her. dont actually ignore her completely like she doesnt exist though; just go to your "happy place" when she starts talking and just nod once in a while. works for me
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Old 07-24-2009, 10:08 AM   #57
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Originally Posted by albumleaf View Post
Alright, this is pretty You might be able to get away with this with certain people but you should know this **** shouldn't fly if you've been with her for that long.
"...but... lets do this."

Romance at it's best. Way to let a lady know you care, right?

Might as well say: "It works better if you're a man."


The problem is not the GF, mt.net, or anything else. The problem is you. Dump her and contract AIDs from your gay buddies.
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Old 07-24-2009, 12:06 PM   #58
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Originally Posted by Project84 View Post
Example... 10 minutes ago.
She goes in to get ready for bed. I come in, candles are lit... we're about to...... she's like, "finally a night together" and I'm like, "well, I told my friend I'd go shoot darts with him at 11 but... lets do this." I get denied, she puts up the block and tells me she doesn't want to unless I stay in, but doesn't want to make me cancel my plans. WTF?
indeed. I don't claim to know everything about women, but I can say with absolute certainty that you don't know ****.

Quote:
Awkward and frustrating because now I know if we did it I'd feel like less of a man for letter her have ***** control over me.
***** control? Newsflash: Unless you're gay or a rapist, the woman is always the one who determines whether you get laid or not. Try to exercise **** control over her sometime and see what you accomplish. I'll tell you. Not a goddam thing.
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Old 07-24-2009, 12:08 PM   #59
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since when is being whipped a bad thing?........ever

Last edited by disturbedfan121; 07-24-2009 at 03:09 PM.
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Old 07-24-2009, 01:17 PM   #60
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Every man who says he's not ***** whipped is either not getting any, or is a liar.
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