Tell them it is the smell of manliness.

 

I did, and the "doesn't own tools" millennial in our group was confused.

My boss walked in about 2 minutes later and without looking around asked why I was making the office smell like a garage again

 

"Cross thread is better than no thread." Said top level engine builder, regarding the use of an impact gun to install valvetrain parts.

 

I don't understand. Does that mean woman?

 

Its like saying "sugar cookie"

Its a fuking cookie, we know it has sugar in it... ****

 

I always took that to mean that the cookie is extra sugary.
Using that reasoning, I'm assuming that "no tools" millinial means he is even more of a *****.

 

Oh no, the redundancy was simply for emphasis.

 

Literally, this ****** does not own tools.

My boss had to give him a ride to work last week because his car would not start. That day he asked me (because apparently I'm 'that guy' in the office) and my boss to come look at his car at lunchtime so we went to his place to check the car, boss drove. We get there and it takes like all of 2 minutes to figure out that the battery is dead (I should mention I didn't bring a DMM) so our recommended course of action was to remove the battery and drop it at the FLAPS so they can charge/test it while we go get lunch. I told him to expect to replac the battery because 1) it looks like its been leaking and 2) the warranty sticker was from 4/2008 so it was way past its prime.

Our plan was foiled when it was revealed that this dude owns zero tools. When I say zero tools, I mean he does not own a screwdriver, let alone a 10mm wrench in order to remove the battery terminal. We told him that if it starts when he gets home from work he should drive immediately to the O'rly and cry a little bit so that maybe the nice lady behind the counter would come help him change his battery.

 

The majority of people i went to high school with, fit that description. Class of 04 fwiw.

 

Thats next level. Even most of the girls I know have some cheap tool kit they got at some point.

I'm in the too many tools group.

 

Yeah, my wife could change the battery, no problem. In Michael Kors heels. Using my tools of course. She can change a tire, too. I told her I wanted her to do it to ease my mind that she'd be ok in an emergency. She was totally game for it. But then again, my wife does kettlebell HIIT training and can do push ups in a handstand. She was a gymnast so she expects it of herself.

Not my wife, but her mentor:

 

What are you talking about? This isn't even a thing.

 

I have the ultimate tool:

A well equipped garage with a lift.
Oh, yes.

 

I mean if were bragging about significant others mine changed a clutch slave by herself.

I didn't have to touch tools once.

For @Monk's random friend too. It was funny.

 

Please tell me that isn't black tea.

 

Is there any other kind worth drinking?

 

My wife would not know a socket wrench from a pair of pliers.

Do I look like I give a ****?

 

Hell nah. That's whiskey cut with motor oil.

 

AND Camels in a hardpack.

I was born on the wrong continent. I mean, I'm glad I quit smoking some years ago, but sometimes...

 

Yeah, I quit smoking once for about 2 years, and then I quit that too.
My grandma smoked for 55 years and she passed away this summer, a couple months shy of her 106th birthday.