How (and why) to Ramble on your goat sideways
LOL, 18psi knows because I texted him after it happened, but yeah, its right in the middle of that picture. Thanks to the ban I lost the 10,000 word Joe Perezian narrative I had typed out, but I'll attempt to reproduce it , albeit with more brevity and less levity than the previous iteration.
So I show up at the place where I've been getting my cars SMOGed for the last 5-6 year just like I always do, about 5 minutes early, fill out paperwork and drop off my keys. Dude said the car would be done in 30 minutes so I walked down the street and got me some lunch.
Upon my return I see my car parked out front with the hood up, windows down and no one around. Curious, I walk over to the car to take a peak. Out of the corner of my eye I see one of the shop cretins pop up, make eye contact, and the scuttle off to find the owner. I then walk over to the office
EO2k: So, how did it go?
*******: Well, it looks like you failed your SMOG test.
E: Really? The check engine light wasn't on, how else could I have possibly failed?
A: You failed the visual inspection.
E: Wait, the car is 100% stock. I've touched nothing under the hood of that car other than to change the oil, oil filter, fuel filter, air filter and replace the battery since you smogged it 2 years ago, how can I possibly fail a visual?
A: Come on out to the car and I'll show you
And then he pointed at this...
E: <playing stupid> So what am I looking at here?
A: Its a piece of electrical tape.
E: What is the significance of this tape?
A: <exasperated> The tape is wrapped around the end of the hose.
<pause>
E: Ok, so how did that cause me to fail smog inspection?
A: Well, there could be a leak under that tape, and I know Subaru wouldn't have put electrical tape on a hose from the factory. Its a vacuum hose so if there is a hole or crack, that would cause a vacuum leak and that would effect your emissions.
E: So there is a hole in the hose.
A: I don't know.
E: It doesn't look like you removed the tape to check it, its still super dusty.
A: Oh yeah, we didn't touch it.
E: So how do you know its leaking? Did you test it somehow?
A: Oh no, we didn't test it at all, thats not what we do, we just inspect it.
E: So you are telling me I failed smog because there MIGHT be a crack in that hose, but the car isn't throwing any error codes and you didn't physically check for a leak.
A: Right.
E: So if I remove that tape and there is no leak or crack, can we get this passed?
A: Nope.
E: ...why not?
A: Well, we already reported it to the state as failed so you'll need to make another appointment and get another test done.
E: Ok, so do I get to retest for free then?
A: No, its going to be another $41.70
E: You are kidding, right?
A: If it had been a pre-test, it would have cost $31.70 and if you passed we would have just charged you $41.70 and submitted the results.
E: Can we just do that then?
A: No, because you didn't ask for a pre-test so we already submitted it.
E: So I get to pay another $41.70 so you can tell me there is tape somewhere else?
A: <starting to get testy> Listen, we don't make anything on these tests, the state tells us how much we can charge and the licensing is very expensive.
E: Ok fine, what do I need to do to fix this? Can I just go down to the AutoZone and get a piece of hose and replace this one?
A: <exasperated> It has to be clearly marked as emissions rated hose, but I doubt AutoZone has the correct molded hose to fit in that location. You'll have to go to the dealer and get a new one. The regular straight hose will just kink in that location, and you'll fail smog again.
E: ...what.
A: Yeah, just drive your car over to the Subaru dealership and the parts guys should be able to look it up and order it. For that hose the factory replacement one is pretty much the only option. They have all kinds of manuals and diagrams and would be happy to do it for you.
E: Do what, smog the car?
A: No, to install the hose.
E: You are joking, right? You want me to go to the dealer to get a vacuum hose installed?
A: <frustrated> It's just a hose, they should have no problem with it.
E: So what exactly motivates me to come back here to deal with you and your attitude if its going to cost me $41.70 no matter where I take my car? You failed me for a piece of tape. A. PIECE. OF. TAPE. Would you have failed me if it was a hose clamp? Or a zip tie?
A: Hey, its not my fault your car failed SMOG, don't take it out on me.
And here she is:
That's right, its a MSRP $6.67 vacuum hose.
And now, dear readers, I thank you for following along with this tale of fie and woe, as you have experienced a mere fraction of the frustration we automotive enthusiasts deal with on a regular basis here in California. The next time you start giving us **** for not wanting to permanently modify things or toss stock parts after they are removed, try to remember how I failed my mandatory state inspection due to a ******* piece of electrical tape on the end of a hose.
So I show up at the place where I've been getting my cars SMOGed for the last 5-6 year just like I always do, about 5 minutes early, fill out paperwork and drop off my keys. Dude said the car would be done in 30 minutes so I walked down the street and got me some lunch.
Upon my return I see my car parked out front with the hood up, windows down and no one around. Curious, I walk over to the car to take a peak. Out of the corner of my eye I see one of the shop cretins pop up, make eye contact, and the scuttle off to find the owner. I then walk over to the office
EO2k: So, how did it go?
*******: Well, it looks like you failed your SMOG test.
E: Really? The check engine light wasn't on, how else could I have possibly failed?
A: You failed the visual inspection.
E: Wait, the car is 100% stock. I've touched nothing under the hood of that car other than to change the oil, oil filter, fuel filter, air filter and replace the battery since you smogged it 2 years ago, how can I possibly fail a visual?
A: Come on out to the car and I'll show you
And then he pointed at this...
E: <playing stupid> So what am I looking at here?
A: Its a piece of electrical tape.
E: What is the significance of this tape?
A: <exasperated> The tape is wrapped around the end of the hose.
<pause>
E: Ok, so how did that cause me to fail smog inspection?
A: Well, there could be a leak under that tape, and I know Subaru wouldn't have put electrical tape on a hose from the factory. Its a vacuum hose so if there is a hole or crack, that would cause a vacuum leak and that would effect your emissions.
E: So there is a hole in the hose.
A: I don't know.
E: It doesn't look like you removed the tape to check it, its still super dusty.
A: Oh yeah, we didn't touch it.
E: So how do you know its leaking? Did you test it somehow?
A: Oh no, we didn't test it at all, thats not what we do, we just inspect it.
E: So you are telling me I failed smog because there MIGHT be a crack in that hose, but the car isn't throwing any error codes and you didn't physically check for a leak.
A: Right.
E: So if I remove that tape and there is no leak or crack, can we get this passed?
A: Nope.
E: ...why not?
A: Well, we already reported it to the state as failed so you'll need to make another appointment and get another test done.
E: Ok, so do I get to retest for free then?
A: No, its going to be another $41.70
E: You are kidding, right?
A: If it had been a pre-test, it would have cost $31.70 and if you passed we would have just charged you $41.70 and submitted the results.
E: Can we just do that then?
A: No, because you didn't ask for a pre-test so we already submitted it.
E: So I get to pay another $41.70 so you can tell me there is tape somewhere else?
A: <starting to get testy> Listen, we don't make anything on these tests, the state tells us how much we can charge and the licensing is very expensive.
E: Ok fine, what do I need to do to fix this? Can I just go down to the AutoZone and get a piece of hose and replace this one?
A: <exasperated> It has to be clearly marked as emissions rated hose, but I doubt AutoZone has the correct molded hose to fit in that location. You'll have to go to the dealer and get a new one. The regular straight hose will just kink in that location, and you'll fail smog again.
E: ...what.
A: Yeah, just drive your car over to the Subaru dealership and the parts guys should be able to look it up and order it. For that hose the factory replacement one is pretty much the only option. They have all kinds of manuals and diagrams and would be happy to do it for you.
E: Do what, smog the car?
A: No, to install the hose.
E: You are joking, right? You want me to go to the dealer to get a vacuum hose installed?
A: <frustrated> It's just a hose, they should have no problem with it.
E: So what exactly motivates me to come back here to deal with you and your attitude if its going to cost me $41.70 no matter where I take my car? You failed me for a piece of tape. A. PIECE. OF. TAPE. Would you have failed me if it was a hose clamp? Or a zip tie?
A: Hey, its not my fault your car failed SMOG, don't take it out on me.
And here she is:
That's right, its a MSRP $6.67 vacuum hose.
And now, dear readers, I thank you for following along with this tale of fie and woe, as you have experienced a mere fraction of the frustration we automotive enthusiasts deal with on a regular basis here in California. The next time you start giving us **** for not wanting to permanently modify things or toss stock parts after they are removed, try to remember how I failed my mandatory state inspection due to a ******* piece of electrical tape on the end of a hose.
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Senior Member
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,221
Total Cats: 296
From: Round Pond, ME
Why hasn't California seceded from the US yet? Or been expelled? I realize that the whole secede-from-planet-earth thing isn't realistic, given current technology, but hope springs eternal.
I say this as someone who loves CA.
I loved my first wife, too, but really.........
I say this as someone who loves CA.
I loved my first wife, too, but really.........
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