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Old 08-26-2010, 05:06 AM   #221
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I created a new record for myself a few weekends ago with 7.5lb lost in one day, I aim to break that record this weekend, and think I stand a good chance. Way too much intake for the amount coming out over the last 2 weeks. Since this weekend I have been feeling very bloated and full, with a near constant feeling of needing to ****, but it won't come. 2 bottles of Mag Citrate will fix that problem (thats 20oz of that nasty ****). Someone could call me "full of ****" and it would be true both literally and figuratively.
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Old 01-25-2011, 08:44 AM   #222
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I wonder what in the hell causes a sticky like peanut butter turd, not typical mud butt? Usually when they are that soft, they hit water and sort of fall apart. I tried to flush one yesterday that stuck to the side and wouldn't let go. Not just a little piece either, a full 6-8'' log. Almost like someone broke in and pranked me by gluing a fake piece of **** to my toilet. Finally after 2 more flushes it broke loose and folded over on itself as it went down the drain. Damnedest turd I have ever seen.
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Old 01-25-2011, 09:14 AM   #223
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Dont know about the sticky - My prob is too much coffee... man, every morn after that first cup of joe, I coat the entire bowl in a brown spray pattern - Its really bad with some back pressure. The brush gets used often- really hate it when there's enough force to creat backsplash I'm a gas producing factory, esp at night in bed. If my wife had any idea her bed becomes a dutchoven every night, she'd kick me out. However - I'm courtious enough not to wake her up (or get caught) that I employ the silencer method - grab right butt cheeek and let it ppppssssss!
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Old 01-25-2011, 06:26 PM   #224
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Ever had to clean spray from the underside of the seat? Back when I was taking the laxatives, I was coating every inch of the bowl that wasn't under water. Really a hassle to clean. Some of it even splashed through the gap between the seat and the rim of the bowl and got on the tank. It defies physics, since it had to be curving around my *** cheeks to hit the underside of the seat. Or simply the force of it hitting the water splashed it back up to the seat.
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Old 01-25-2011, 06:40 PM   #225
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At what point during wiping do you realise it's more like spreading a nutella sandwich than cleaning and go for a shower? 2 wipes, 3? Half a roll?
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Old 01-25-2011, 06:45 PM   #226
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I never in a million years thought I'd be the one to say this, but...

Y'all need to seriously think about adding some fiber to your diets. I know, I know- fiber supplements are for old folks who drink prune juice. I'm telling y'all, it ain't so. Jamie Lee Curtis thinks you need more fiber, and in my mind she's still Ophelia, the sensitive but street smart prostitute-turned-investor who shacked up with Dan Aykroyd inTrading Places.

Seriously. A few of these babies in the morning, a few more in the afternoon, and I'm lovin' life. I poop once a day, and it's a nice, easy, drama-free process. They even taste good! Seriously, you could give these to children and they'd think they were friggin' candy.

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Old 01-26-2011, 12:09 AM   #227
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Man - I missed a good opportunity of showing a bit of fatherhood tonight... I was so pissed I forgot about the humor behind it. My 2yr old is in the stages of potty training. Well she got close tonight. She took a nice big dump on the toilet lid, in the meanwhile smearing it all over her legs and hands when she got off... maybe even mouth
I wouldn't have been so pissed if I hadn't given her a bath 30min before. So here I am with a pasty girl with only 3 wipes - yeah, ran outta wipes. Great... so back into the tub she goes...

Her aim was true, too bad she didn't lift the lid up... anyway, missed a good 'crap-shot' for this thread.
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Old 01-26-2011, 12:17 AM   #228
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I take good ***** twice a day. If I ever need to poop, I just drink some coffee and run to the bathroom.

In case you're wondering, this is where I poop:

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Old 01-26-2011, 12:27 AM   #229
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Stop whoring this pic!
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